


Frosted Silence

by ReadTheWords



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU Jotunheim, BAMF!Loki, F/M, Gladiators, Jotunheim, Joutn!Loki, Laufey's A+ Parenting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReadTheWords/pseuds/ReadTheWords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Loki is the exiled son of Laufey. As he is being dragged back to Utgard, certain he is to be executed, he is 'rescued' by Thor and his friends, who rather than killing the jotunn on sight, take pity on him and realise he could be useful. Thor grows quite fond of Loki and tries to get him to return to Asgard with him. Loki refuses, feeling he would be even less safe amongst the Aesir. They part ways, both hoping to see each other again.<br/>Years later, the war between the Jotunns and the Aesir is considered mostly over. Loki is alive, living in Utgard and recognised as Laufey's son, his prowess as a sorcerer and killer the only thing keeping him alive. During the run up to the annual Gladiatorial Tournament, held in Laufey's honour, Loki recognises a familiar face amongst the participants, and realises he could save not only himself, but his strong Aesir as well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FrostMistress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostMistress/gifts).



> I promised Frost Mistress some fics for her birthday...this isn't one of those but I still dedicate it to her. I promise I'll start on the others soon!!!

Loki was jolted awake and despite the darkness it only took him a few moments to remember where he was. He was stiff and sore and curled up next to the only soft thing in the prison wagon: Farbauti’s corpse.

Laufey’s ( _Loki refused to call him dam – he had never acknowledged Loki as a son, Loki felt it was only right to return the favour_ ) soldiers had come for them only a week ago, and when they had tried to flee, they had struck down Farbauti. Loki was spared; clearly they had orders to bring him back alive.

They had beaten him though. Alive didn’t mean they couldn’t rough him up a bit first

Then they gagged him ( _and really, what was the point?_ ), chained him to Farbauti and tossed them into the prison wagon. Loki had healed Farbauti’s wounds even though he couldn’t bring his sire back to life. It provided Loki with some comfort, being chained to an uninjured Farbauti almost convinced him his sire was simply sleeping, not dead. For the first few days he had curled up against Farbauti’s shoulder and wept. After that he had clung to Farbauti like a small child and wondered what fate awaited him back in Utgard.

It wasn’t as if Loki didn’t have some idea. Farbauti and the witch Angrbodr had discussed it for hours every day for most of Loki’s life. ‘Laufey will skin him’, ‘Laufey will put him to work’ ‘Laufey will bleed him of his magic and feed him to the crows’, and other vile and horrifying ideas.

Yet they had both been determined that Loki would go back, that when it was the right time Loki and Farbauti would return to the Ice Palace, would be welcomed back with open arms and that one day Loki would be King of Jotunheim.

_(If there was one thing Loki was sure of, it was that he would never be King of Jotunheim, nor did he want to be)._

Then Angrbodr had experienced a vision, of Loki in Utgard, clothed in fine leathers and furs, stood beside Laufey on his ice throne. And that was it. Farbauti had dragged Loki off into the blizzards, away from the safety of their hiding place in the mountains, and the snow-drowned forests towards Utgard. Then they had encountered the soldiers and now he was in a wagon, without Farbauti or anyone else.

All he could hope for was that Laufey would grant him a quick and relatively painless death.

(And realistically, what were the chances of that, when Loki’s only crimes were being born a runt and yet somehow a powerful sorcerer to boot).

He shifted to try and relieve some of the soreness and tension from his muscles, when he realised the wagon had stopped. There was no way they had reached Utgard, and they were still miles away from any civilisation, Loki was sure of that. But there was shouting outside, first confused and then angry.

Loki got up, wincing when his muscles protested, and tried to peer through the tiny barred window. He couldn’t get very close, the chain linking him to Farbauti didn’t allow him to get close enough without stretching his arm to almost painful.

There was nothing but snow and trees. Then there was a growl and one of the jotun soldiers ran past the window. He heard more shouting and growling and then screams and cries and the sound of metal. A battle raged outside the wagon, but try as he might, Loki couldn’t see any of it.

Then everything went quiet.

Loki stepped back from the window and crouched next to Farbauti. There were voices outside that didn’t sound like jotunns.

“Are you all well?” asked a deep voice.

“Aye,” replied a chorus of voices.

“This was no scouting party,” said a high-pitched voice.

“No, that much is clear. I wonder what is in the wagon,” said the first voice.

“Only one way to find out,” said another light-hearted voice.

At that Loki panicked. There was nowhere for him to hide inside the wagon, except beneath Farbauti. Before he could even more the doors of the wagon were pulled wide open and the tiny space was flooded with a bright light.

Loki flinched and covered his eyes. He heard someone shout “Jotuns!” and heard the string of a bow being pulled.

“Come out!” demanded the deep voice.

Neither jotun complied: Farbauti because he was dead, and Loki because he was temporarily blinded and chained to the dead Farbauti.

“Come out now!” repeated the deep voice.

A tense few moments passed when a sombre voice spoke. “I do not think the adult is alive.”

Loki was just starting to open his eyes, and registering the comment of ‘adult’ when he felt Farbauti being pulled out of the wagon. He grabbed hold and was dragged out as well, landing into the snow with a thump.

He buried his face into Farbauti, fingers scrambling for purchase on the bare chest.

“A dead adult and a child? Why would the jotuns being transporting them?” Loki felt a foot nudge his side. “Speak up jotun.”

Oh, how Loki wished he could. Instead he buried his face further into Farbauti, whimpering as he did.

“Answer me,” roared the deep voice.

A hand, gloved in leather, grabbed the back of his neck and wrenched his head back.

He heard the gasps and registered the shock of the white-skinned faces that looked down at him.

Aesir.

“By the All-father,” one of them breathed. “What…?”

The one that had pulled Loki up hadn’t let go of his neck. Piercing blue eyes and a blood-stained face peered down at him, brows creased in some mixture of revulsion and pity.

“Who would do this to a child?” the Aesir asked, reaching with his other hand to touch Loki’s face. His finger brushed against the gag made of ice that had been put on him by the soldiers.

The fingers traced along the edge, reaching around the back, underneath Loki’s braided black hair. Loki heard a crunch and marvelled at the strength of the hand that had broken the ice. He braced himself for what they would see as the gag fell to the floor.

The five Aesir gasped a second time, even louder than the first.

If he could have, Loki would have warned them. The gag had been pointless in silencing Loki: the soldiers had only put it on him to hide the truth, to hide the fact that his lips had been sewn shut.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for kudos and comments so far. This is the first fic I've ever posted on-line so it all means a lot! <3
> 
> Just a few notes:  
> \- Thor's feelings towards Jotuns are not dissimilar to those in the film. However, he is far more noble and certainly would not harm the defenceless or children.  
> \- Loki is a jotun but without horns. I don't mind horny (haha!) jotun!Loki but in this instance he isn't.  
> \- This fic is un-beta but I make every effort to check and double-check it. If you do spot any errors, please don't be afraid to say :)

The blonde haired Aesir continued to stare at Loki’s mouth. When he tried to wriggle free from the grip on his neck, Loki found it was too strong for him to pull away, so he turned his head. The Aesir growled and released Loki’s neck, only for his hand to grab Loki’s chin to force him to look straight into the man’s blue eyes.

“Who would do this to a child?” the blonde one asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Even though he couldn’t voice his displeasure, Loki could at least glare to let them know it. He wished they would stop calling him a ‘child’. Were they mocking his height, or did they truly believe him to be a child? All his life people were obsessed with his height, the infamous ‘runt of Laufey’. Now for some Aesir brute to point it out…Though they seemed reluctant to harm a child, even a jotun child, despite the war that raged on between the Jotuns and the Aesir. For now Loki would let them keep thinking he was a child, while it was still advantageous to do so.

As the Aesir stared at Loki’s mouth, it gave him a chance to study him. Loki had never met an Aesir before, though he had seen read about them in some of Angrbodr’s books, and seen a few drawings (some very crude – the memory of which made him blush a little) they were very different up close. And though they had killed the soldiers, it seemed they were not quite the barbarians Farbauti had painted them as.

( _But Angrbodr had always whispered to Loki after one of Farbauti’s Aesir-rants that Farbauti was biased – that the Aesir were not as bad as the jotuns made them out to be, and vice-versa_ ).

And this one had blonde hair. Loki had never seen blonde hair before. Hair itself was rare on jotuns, and when it did grow is was black. Very few jotuns grew their hair; most shaved it off if it grew at all. It was considered a hindrance by many.

( _Another thing Angrbodr had always whispered after one of Farbauti’s cut-your-hair-rants was that more hair was a sign of a powerful sorcerer. Loki noticed that Angrbodr never cut his hair either…Then again, Angrbodr’s hair was unkempt and horrible, filled with leaves and other debris. If Loki was going to keep his hair, he was determined it would be immaculate and beautiful_ ).

He realised he had been staring, and the Aesir was now smiling at him.

“Do not fear little one,” he said. “I will correct this terrible act.”

“Thor…” one of the others tried to warn the Aesir holding Loki. ( _Thor_ Loki repeated, trying to remember where he had heard that name before).

“I cannot leave him like this Sif,” Thor said.

“Perhaps if we remove the stiches, he can tell us something,” said a different voice.

Another scoffed. “You would trust a jotun?”

Loki hissed at the insult. It wasn’t easy, or painless, but he could part his lips a little to make the sound.

Thor chuckled. “I think you have offended him Fandral. We’ll know for certain when I cut the threads.”

Loki’s eyes widened as he saw the blade move towards his face, and fully registered the words. Panicked he reached up and with one hand (the other still chained to Farbauti’s corpse) grabbed hold of the wrist of the hand holding his chin.

“Do not be afraid,” Thor said, the blade slowly inching ever closer. “I will not harm you, you have my word.”

But Loki was afraid. Afraid this bumbling Aesir didn’t understand. He tried to shake his head, tried to free his face from the tight grip, tried to make the Aesir stop. The blade was almost at his lips.

He narrowed his eyes, focussed his attention on the blade and imagined it heating up. Hotter and hotter and hotter until Thor cried out and dropped both Loki and the blade. Loki collapsed beside Farbauti, breathing heavily through his nose.

The other Aesir rushed to Thor.

“What happened?” they all asked.

“That is what I would like to know,” Thor said, pushing them aside so he could look down at Loki. “Did you do that?”

Loki nodded.

“Why would you not let me help you?”

He looked so sad and confused. Loki was not used to seeing that kind of expression. For some reason, he didn’t like seeing it on the face of this Aesir, of Thor. He knew Thor had only been trying to help, that he didn’t understand the circumstances. And how to tell him, when Loki could not speak...?

No, wait, that wasn’t strictly true. Loki had been communicating with Farbauti and Angrbodr for years. But Farbauti had made him promise not to use that technique with others.

But Farbauti was dead.

And when Loki looked at Thor, at that dejected look, Loki wanted to talk, to explain. There was no guarantee it would work, but he had to try.

He made a show of sighing and then holding out a hand. When Thor slowly held out his still gloved hand, Loki took hold of one of the fingers and started to pull the glove off. Thor pulled his hand back sharply as the other Aesir cried out.

“What…?”

“How dare…!”

But over the outraged cries of the others, Loki could see Thor studying him, and he made a big effort to show in every aspect of his expression that Thor needed to trust him. It must have worked because Thor pulled off his glove and timidly (and Loki tried not to laugh that he had put ‘timidly’ and this bold man together) held out his hand.

Loki reached out and took hold of Thor’s hand. It was warm, and Loki was thankful that he had trained himself against the jotun’s intolerance towards heat. It was also rough, calloused. This Thor was clearly not just a leader, but a warrior also.

Slowly, Loki’s eyes trailed up from Thor’s hand, the tanned skin stark in comparison to his deep blue, up to his eyes. He concentrated on listening to Thor’s heartbeat, a little erratic (a mighty warrior who slays jotuns but gets nervous holding their hands? Too amusing!) and calmed his breathing.

It was always so difficult the first time and there was no guarantee is would work.

~ _Thank you for trusting me_

Thor flinched and gasped, but Loki was grateful that he didn’t pull away.

“Thor?” one of the Aesir asked, stepping forward.

Thor held up his other hand, causing them to stop in place. He turned his attention back to Loki, brows furrowed. Loki knew what he was doing.

~ _Just speak out loud. It takes great practice and skill to speak this way._

Thor cleared his throat. “Very well. What is your name?”

In the corners of his vision Loki could see confused expressions on the faces of the other Aesir. He smirked, knowing their confusion was from hearing only one side of the conversation.

~ _My name is Loki._

“Loki…” Thor repeated out loud, something in the way he said it making Loki smile.

~ _And you are Thor._

“I am.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Loki ‘spoke’ again.

~ _You cannot cut the threads._

“Why? Do you not wish them cut?”

~ _Oh Thor, I wish nothing more than for them to be cut. But you cannot cut the threads with any blade. The thread is enchanted, and only the person who made it, can cut it._

“And who is that?”

~ _I do not know._

“Oh.”

~ _Indeed._

“So what can we do?”

~ _I would be grateful if you would unchain me._

“Why are you chained to that other jotun?”

“Maybe he is a dangerous criminal?” snorted an Aesir.

~ _I am someone King Laufey has silenced and would very much like change that to permanently so. I, we, were being transported to Utgard to be executed._

“Then we have a common enemy.”

Loki nodded. It wasn’t a lie exactly, nor a whole truth, but only an elegant mix of the two was going to keep him alive.

~ _We do._

Thor pulled his hand away and reached for something attached to his belt. Loki saw it was a large hammer, the metal head engraved with runes. It hummed with magical energy.  Ignoring the protests of his friends, Thor tapped the hammer against the chain that was lying on the floor. Loki could sense the restraint and power from both the hammer and Thor. Though it had been seemingly the most gentle of taps, the chain snapped and he was able to pull his arm away from Farbauti for the first time in over a week. There was still a manacle attached to his wrist though, but even as he rubbed the skin around it, Loki found he didn’t mind.

He was free.

(Mostly).

Loki reached out and pressed two fingers to the back of Thor’s un-gloved hand. Now that he knew Thor’s heartbeat and mind, it was much easier.

~ _Thank you._

“You are very welcome,” Thor smiled “

Loki pulled his hand away and knelt down beside Farbauti, placing a hand against his cheek. He heard the Aesir huddling together, talking, and under the pretence of mourning, he listened in.

“What do you intend to do with him now Thor?”

“It would not do well to linger here.”

“Aye, you are right my friends. Perhaps Loki might know of somewhere we can go?”

Loki looked up at the mention of his name.

“Thor! You cannot be serious. We can’t trust him. He could lead us to a jotun army camp!”

Loki snorted and made a big show of rolling his eyes. Thor laughed while the dark-haired Aesir glared.

“Do not worry my friends, Loki is a much an enemy of the jotuns as we are.”

 _That’s not strictly true,_ Loki thought, _but it wouldn’t do well now to admit that._ He nodded and got to his feet, reaching out a hand towards Thor.

He was grateful when Thor clearly understood what it meant, as Thor touched Loki’s hand.

~ _I don’t know the area very well, but I can help find somewhere. And when we get there I can conceal it from the sight of our enemies, and heal you and your companions._

Thor smiled at him.

~ _But first, I would like to say goodbye._

“Was he your friend?”

Loki shook his head. ~ _My father._

This time Thor did pull away, and he looked sadly at Loki. “I am sorry.”

Loki reached out and placed his fingers against Thor’s cheek, ignoring the shocked gasps from the other Aesir and enjoying the look of surprise on Thor’s face. It was an intimate gesture, even more so when he brushed fingers against the smoothness of Thor’s cheek and down to his bristly jaw. He had never seen a beard before, let alone touched it, and he enjoyed the roughness of it.

~ _I have already asked so much of you, Thor, and you have been more than kind. Might I ask one last thing of you?_

“Anything…” Thor breathed, staring at Loki with a strange expression.

It only took a moment for Loki to understand that expression. Jotuns were not considered beautiful, yet Farbauti and Angrbodr had told him repeatedly that Loki was unusual in that regard.  It wasn’t that his skin was bluer than other jotuns, or his eyes redder, or anything they could place. Loki was a runt but Loki was enchanting.

( _Apparently – though how he managed that with his lips gruesomely sewn shut neither had been able to explain to him_ ).

And he could see that Thor thought so too. 

~ _Can you help me lift my father back into the wagon?_

“Why?”

~ _Please, just trust me._

“Won’t his touch harm me?”

~ _Did mine?_

Thor blinked a few times. “…No.”

Loki smiled, and hoped it didn’t look too horrifying.

~ _A jotuns touch is only harmful in the heat of battle, or as a defence. Farbauti is dead, he cannot harm you. As for me, I did not wish to harm you, so I didn’t._

Thor nodded his understanding, and turned to his friends.

“Help me lift the jotun into the wagon,” Thor said.

“What?” asked the bulky red-haired man.

“Please, my friends. This jotun is Loki’s father. Before we proceed, Loki must say goodbye.”

The Aesir were clearly not happy about it, but Thor their respect and loyalty to Thor outweighed their dislike of Loki. Grumbling under their breath, they lifted Farbauti into the prison wagon. Then they stepped back.

“What now?” Thor asked Loki.

Loki smiled at Thor and then stepped towards the wagon. He took one last look at Farbauti, wishing him a goodbye in his mind, and then closed the door.

“Loki…”

Loki concentrated, closing his eyes and calming his breathing and heart-rate down, gathering the power deep within him. He placed a hand on the closed wagon doors.

Ice started to build around the base of the wagon, building up and up until the wagon was completely covered by a tall twisted spiral of ice. The ice was so thick, the wagon was just a blurry mass of colours behind it.

Taking a step back, to admire his work, Loki felt himself sway. He was dizzy and exhausted. Using that much magic was incredibly draining, and Loki wasn’t at full strength.

He was surprised when Thor caught him, and brushed a stray lock of hairback.

“Are you well?” Thor asked him.

Loki nodded and touched some of Thor’s skin.

~ _Yes, just used a little bit too much power. Shall we go?_

“Can you walk?”

~... _I might need you to hold me up._

Thor chuckled.

“Which way then?”

Loki pointed, and leaning on Thor, led them away from the wagon, and from the road to Utgard.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks for all the kudos/comments/support! <3 It really means a lot and totally keeps me going! :D

It wasn't long before the wagon was out of sight, though if Loki looked back he could just about see the tip of the burial ice-spire above the trees. They were heading towards the mountains, Loki walking with Thor’s arm hooked around his back and under his arm, behind them the four other Aesir. _The Lady Sif and the Warrior’s Three_ Thor had introduced them. Loki had nodded towards them but he could sense the hostility from them. He understood why: he might have been living in isolation most of his life but he knew of the war between Jotunheim and Asgard, knew that the Aesir had no love for jotuns.

It made Thor even more confusing.

Thor: who had slain jotun soliders and was still covered in their blood, but who had tried to free Loki of his punishment and had helped ‘bury’ his dead father, and who now supporting him and letting him travel with them.

Thor was truly a mystery.

It had to be because he thought Loki was a child. For once, Loki’s diminutive height was working in his favour. Angrbodr had always said it would one day; Loki would owe him an apology. He shook his head, a little chuckle in his throat.

“Loki? Are you well?” Thor asked.

Loki looked up at him. It had started to snow lightly, so the fur and leather Thor was wearing were covered in a gentle dusting of little white flakes. He had also put his glove back on as the temperature had dropped.

(In comparison Loki was wearing a simple heavy cloth around his waist and a fur wrap around his shoulders. He had dressed simply for travel, at home he had been a little more extravagant).

Loki nodded and then ran the hand that was holding onto Thor’s arm, down to his wrist where there was a tiny bit of exposed skin.

~ _I’m fine, just a bit lost. I’ve been in that wagon for about a week. It would be better if I could get a view from above…_

“How?”

As Thor asked, an idea came to Loki. He looked up, scanning the trees around him and spotted one that would work. He pushed away from Thor and pressed a hand against the black bark of the tree, rough and cold.

“Loki, what are you…?” Thor started to ask but stopped when Loki looked over his shoulder at Thor and pressed a finger to his lips.

Closing his eyes he sensed up through the tree to a bird he had spotted perched on a branch high above. The bird stirred when Loki’s presence first disturbed it, but he gently persisted until he was able to see though the bird’s eyes. A little bit of persuasion and the bird took flight, rising high above the trees, circling the area, giving Loki a chance to see the area.

When he felt he’d seen enough, he released the bird and came back to himself. He swayed and was glad he was beside the tree, or he might have fallen over again. It had only been a small amount of power, but it seemed he still wasn’t quite recovered enough. Groaning he pressed his forehead against the tree and tried not to think about how tired and sick he felt. He felt a large hand on the small of his back, and turned his head slightly to see Thor looking concerned.

“Loki?”

Loki pushed away from the tree and touched some fingers to Thor’s cheek. This time Thor didn’t look so shocked.

~ _I know where we are now. Let’s go._

He was grateful that Thor wrapped an arm around his back again; Loki was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to move away from the tree without help.

~ _We need to turn south slightly, but keep the river to our right. There’s a tribe in the northern parts of the mountains that, although not loyal to Laufey, probably wouldn’t hesitate to kill the Aesir. And on the other side of the river, is a tribe very loyal to Laufey and would definitely kill you all, and me as well._

Thor relayed this information to the others. The blonde one, Fandral Loki remembered, scoffed.

“How do we know he’s not leading us into trouble?”

Loki sighed heavily through his nose.

“We don’t. But I trust him. If you have a better idea…” Thor said to his friend, glaring at him and then tightening his grip on Loki.

Fandral wilted and shook his head, and the group set off once more, slower now as Loki could only drag his feet through the snow and hold on tightly to Thor’s arm. It was deep into the night when they reached the mountains. The Aesir wanted to rest, but the temperature had dropped even further and while Loki knew he could survive the cold, the warm-blooded Aesir would not.

~ _We must keep moving. You will not make it through the night if we stop._

Thor nodded, though Loki could see how exhausted and cold he was.

~ _Just a little further. There will be something…_

He squeezed Thor’s arm and gave him a tiny smile, hoping it would look encouraging but knowing it probably looked a bit disturbing. Turning away he cast his eyes ahead, scanning the slopes either side of the valley they were walking in. The snow and dark made it hard to see, so he was surprised when Hogun, the dark-haired Aesir, called out.

“Up there!”

They all followed where he was pointing and there was a gap halfway up a slope, between two large boulders. Climbing up the slope revealed the gap was wide enough for one person to walk through. Beyond that was a wide spacious cavern, stalactites and stalagmites extending into pure darkness. There was the sound of water running and a steady dripping. Loki lit a small greenish-blue flame in his hand so they could see a small area much clearer. Once they were sure it was safe, they settled down, not too far into the cavern, but far enough from the opening that the cold wasn’t a bother.

“We could do with a fire,” said the red-headed Aesir, Volstagg, as Thor helped Loki to sit against a wall.

Loki shook his head and touched Thor’s skin.

~ _No fire. The smoke will attract attention. Let me rest and I shall make an ice-fire. It’ll give off some heat and no smoke. We won’t need any wood either._

Thor patted Loki’s shoulder and smiled at him. “Rest now. You have already proven yourself” He turned to the others. “No fire for tonight. We shall huddle together and share our body heat.”

Someone groaned.

“Come now friends, this is not the first time we have had to do so.”

“No but can’t our magical little friend conjure up something for us?” Fandral asked.

“Loki needs his rest.” Thor shook his head. “In the morning we will hunt and heal and plan our next move…”

“I will take the first watch,” the Lady Sif said.

Loki saw the way her eyes narrowed at him, and knew that she wasn’t going on watch to guard against outside foes, but against him. Who was going to watch over him though?

Thor seemed to have missed the look, for he beamed at Sif and settled down beside the other Aesir as Loki extinguished the flame in his hand. Soon the four men were snoring away.

Sif had taken up a seat on a flat-ish rock. She sat sharpening her blade, and despite the dark, Loki thought could see the glint of her eyes. It was unnerving and for a while he wasn’t sure he would be able to sleep.

Thankfully, the pure exhaustion of the last few days made the decision for him and the scraping of the blade lulled him to sleep, where he dreamt of Farbauti and Angrbodr's faces, of needles and threads, and of the warmth of Thor's touch.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day <3 Hope you spend it with your significant other/friends/family/fics <3
> 
> Thank you for all the love for this fic! Any time I feel low, the comments and kudos really pick me up! <3
> 
> So this chapter comes to you in four parts, and while it doesn't reveal Loki's past just yet, that is coming in the next chapter I promise!! Thanks for reading :)

_Farbauti tucked a lock of loose hair behind Loki’s ear and pulled Loki closer to his chest._

_~Come now, Loki child, why do you cry?_

_~…I don’t want to go back to Utgard,_

_Despite being an adult, Loki found he was not ashamed of the tears that flowed at the thought of returning to Utgard. There were no happy memories for him there._

_Farbauti sighed heavily and took hold of Loki’s chin, lifting his head to look up at Farbauti and wiping away a few tears with his thumb._

_~You knew the day would come eventually._

_~But why?_

_~You will be King of Jotunheim._

_~No, I won’t. Laufey-King will kill me._

_~You will be fine. Angrbodr has seen it._

_~Well Angrbodr is wrong! I won’t go._

_SMACK!_

_The slap knocked Loki off Farbauti’s lap and onto the floor. He whimpered and put a hand to his face, wiping away the blood from his nose and lips. Farbauti got to his feet and stood over the cowering Loki. Leaning down, Farbauti grabbed the back of Loki’s neck, pulling his head back and forcing Loki to look up._

_~Listen well, Loki, I have worked hard to keep you alive and safe for this very purpose. I would rather you went willingly, but if I have to drag you back to Utgard, then so help me I will. Do you understand?_

_Loki nodded quickly._

_That seemed to appease Farbauti, who smiled and released his hold on Loki’s neck. He patted Loki’s head, and stroked his hair a few times._

_~I am doing this for you Loki. You are destined for greatness, I know this in my heart._

_Farbauti knelt down and pulled Loki into an embrace, and desperate for the affection, Loki hugged his sire back._

_~I won’t let you down…_

_~~~~_

Loki was gently eased out of the dream, the memory, by a soft touch and a soft voice.

He opened his eyes to see Thor’s bearded, blue-eyed face staring at him. There was a hand on his cheek as well, which pulled away when Loki’s eyes focussed.

“Ah, good, you’re awake,” Thor said, smiling. “We are going hunting and uh, well, we weren’t sure how you…”

Thor’s smiled faltered. He coughed and looked away for a moment, while Loki just stared at him, confused. What was the fool muttering about…?

Realisation struck then: Thor was wondering how Loki ate with his lips sewn shut. A reasonable question, but Thor was acting as though he would be offended by him even asking when truthfully, Loki was grateful. There was no way for anyone to know how he ate. Even Farabuti had had no idea until they had reached Angrbodr. At that point Loki had almost starved to death.

No, Thor asking how was not unreasonable.

He put a hand to Thor’s check and turned his head so that he was looking at Loki once more.

~ _Do not been ashamed of asking, Thor. I do not eat like you do, but if you bring back what you catch, I will be able to…feed._

Thor looked a little worried, but Loki gave him a small smile and that seemed to ease his fears.

“You won’t join us?” Thor asked.

~ _With your permission, I’d like to rest a little more. I can heal all your wounds before you go?_

When Thor nodded his agreement, Loki brushed his hands over Thor’s face, arms and chest. All cuts, bruises and other injuries were healed in moments. Thor took a deep breath.

“Thank you, Loki,” he said, turning to the others. “Come, my friends. Let Loki heal you.”

The other four didn’t move at first, and Loki half suspected they would stubbornly refuse. But then the large one, Volstagg, came forward and Loki quickly found his injuries and healed them. The others soon allowed him to heal them as well, and then the group was off.

Once he was alone, Loki slumped against the wall.

How much longer could he keep this up? Thor might still believe Loki was a child, but the others clearly didn’t and it surely wouldn’t be long before Thor agreed with them. Then Loki would have to run or be killed.

It was a shame. He was starting to enjoy the company.

Sighing, he got up and walked towards the back of the cavern, where the water was. He lit a flame and balanced it on the tip of a stalagmite. The light reflected off the walls and the surface of the water, making it sparkle and glow greenish-blue. Loki touched the water with the tips of his fingers. It was icy cold.

(Well, really he couldn’t tell being impervious to the cold as he was, but it wasn’t warm, so logically it had to be cold).

Loki looked back to the cave entrance, checking it was still clear, and then quickly stripped off the fur, cloth and leather he wore. He took a step into the water, enjoying the way it lapped against his foot and rippled away from him. It had been far too long he had last cleaned properly and the water was soothing. As he walked down the smooth slope into the deeper water he undid his braid, loosening the individual strands until his hair was a black veil covering his back. He continued down the slope until he was submerged up to his neck. His hair moved behind and around him like dark tentacles, and he focused on that, and on the feeling of the water, and for the short while, pushed back thoughts of Aesir and Utgard.

It was a rare moment of peace, and Loki was going to make the most of it.

~~~~

Thor was in high spirits. The thrill of the hunt, tracking prey, was exhilarating. Already they had caught several large wild-fowl, the size of turkeys, and a snow-hare. Thor had been hoping to find something larger, but he didn’t want to go too far from the cave they had found. Even though Loki was a clearly a gifted mage, his past showed he was vulnerable. Who sewed someone’s lips shut, especially a child’s? And chained them to their dead father? Thor knew the jotuns were monsters, but that was cruel and barbaric.

“Thor?” Sif’s voice broke through his musings.

“I am fine, Sif, do not worry,” he smiled at her.

She wasn’t convinced.

“Come, let us see if we can find anything else before we head back,” he tried to walk away, but he heard Sif sigh. Slowly he turned around. Sif was stood with her hands on her hips. Behind her the other three were sitting, tying up the dead birds.

“What bothers you friends?” Thor asked.

“Thor, you can’t be serious about going back to the cave, to…the jotun?” Sif said.

“We must.”

“But why?”

“We cannot leave Loki alone.”

“Why not?” Fandral spoke up, stepping forward to stand beside Sif. “What is this new love for the Frost Giants? You who would, and have, slain so many? We are at war with them, Thor. And you are trusting one jotun child, why?”

Thor sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. How could he explain why he trusted Loki, why he wanted to help, when he wasn’t sure himself? There was just something about him, about Loki, that made Thor want to stick by him. It wasn’t right, what had been to Loki. Thor might not care for Frost Giants, might have been raised to despise them, but Loki’s suffering went beyond that.

“I do not think he is a child,” Hogun said, though he didn’t get up from his task of tying the birds they had caught together.

“What?” Volstagg said, stopping what he was doing and staring at his dark-haired companion.

“If he is not a child, then what is he?” Fandral asked.

Hogun shrugged. “I do not know. But he acts like no child.”

“Perhaps he is a spy?”

Sif nodded. “He is not afraid of us, though he should be.”

Thor pulled his hands out of his hair and roared.

“Thor?”

“‘He is not afraid of us, though he should be.’ Even if he isn’t a child, how can you think that? That you would expect fear from someone who has already suffered so much?” Thor sighed and slumped against a nearby tree. “I do not trust Loki, but I want to. Something in his eyes, in the way he speaks to me and trusts me, gives me hope. And I am reluctant to let that hope go.”

“Thor…”

“No, Sif, no more. Give him a chance, and he may yet surprise us.”

“Or slit out throats in the night…”Fandral muttered.

“He has had plenty of chances to harm us since we met him, and he hasn’t,” Thor replied. “Has he?”

The four shook their heads.

“Then we will speak of it no more. Let us return.” Thor strode off.

“It doesn’t mean he won’t,” Sif said to the others, before following.

~~~~

Loki had finished washing in the cold water and was sitting by the edge, his feet dangling off the rock into the water, watching the ripples and waves he caused. He ran his fingers through his hair, humming an old lullaby and wishing he had a proper brush. His long hair was his pride, and he took meticulous care of it, but in this instance he would have to make do without.

He was grateful he had at least put his loin-cloth back on when he heard Thor’s voice.

“Loki! We have returned!”

He stopped brushing his hair and turned to face the returning hunters.

Thor was at the front of the group, marching confidently into the cavern. But on spying Loki tucked away near the back, all five Aesir stopped and stared, a look of pure awe on their faces.

Loki tried to imagine it from their point of view: how he must look, exposed apart from his long loin-cloth, his hair undone and gathered around him like a cape, the light from his mini-flame giving him an ethereal glow.

Not wanting to waste the effect, Loki stood up with practiced grace, revelling in the way all eyes followed his movements. He gathered up his fur wrap and walked towards the group, none of whom had stopped staring at him. Only a touch on Thor’s arm seemed to snap the Aesir from their trance.

Loki tried very hard not to smirk too much.

~ _Your hunt was successful then?_

Thor nodded. “Aye, Jotunheim is not so lacking in resources as we were led to believe.”

Smiling, Loki look at the others.

~ _You must all be cold. I will start the fire now._

“A fire would be most welcome right now. Then we shall eat…oh, but Loki, how will you eat?”

~ _Allow me to make a fire and then I will show you how I…eat…_

Not long after Thor and the others had left, Loki had cleared a space in the centre of the cavern. There he had placed several rock fragments in a small circle. He knelt beside the circle and placed his hand on the fragments. After a few seconds there was a spark and greenish-blue flames took hold. Soon the oddly coloured fire was burning away.

Loki stepped back to Thor.

~ _There. An ice-fire. It still produces heat, yet there is no smoke._

“Magnificent. Thank you Loki,” Thor wrapped an arm around Loki’s shoulders and squeezed. “Come, friends, let us sit together and enjoy the fire and food.”

The Aesir sat near the fire, murmuring with surprise at the heat it generated. Loki made sure to sit with Thor between him and the others. He could still sense some hostility, though it had lessened somewhat. Loki wasn’t sure why.

Two of them had started plucking the birds when Thor turned to Loki.

“What happens now?” he asked. “How will you eat?”

Loki pointed to the snow-hare. Thor seemed to understand and placed the creature in front of Loki. He took hold of Thor’s wrist.

~ _Watch but do not be alarmed._

With that warning, Loki let go of Thor and placed both hands on the snow-hare. Though it had been killed, Loki could still sense some life-force within it.

For this was the trick Angrbodr had taught him, this was how Loki despite not being able to open his mouth and eat hadn’t starved to death, this was how Loki ‘fed’.

Concentrating he absorbed the life-force, feeling his body refresh. It wasn’t like eating, he didn’t feel full afterwards, but he hadn’t felt hungry in a long time either. Angrbodr had explained to him and Farbauti that as long as Loki absorbed life-force he would still be able to function, that the magic in his system would turn the life-force into all the things the body needed to survive.

It had been so long since Loki had actually _eaten_ that he honestly couldn’t remember what food tasted like.

(He wasn’t sure if that made him feel sad. Could you miss what you didn’t remember?)

Once there was nothing left, Loki lifted his hands and sat back on his haunches. He looked up and saw all the Aesir had stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Turning to Thor, he could see the confused look on his face, so he reached out and touched Thor’s wrist once more.

“What did you do?”

~ _It is how I…eat isn’t really the correct way to describe what I do but… I absorb the creatures life-force. It provides for me in the same way food does, near enough_

“Oh Loki…”

“What did he say Thor? What did he do? Has he eaten?”

Loki turned away as Thor repeated his explanation to the other Aesir, feeling a little ashamed and not wanting to see the revulsion or pity in their eyes. There was a silence that followed, filled only by the crackle of the fire and the dripping of the water.

Then as Loki turned his gaze back to the group, Volstagg broke the silence.

“Does that mean we can eat the hare as well now?”

Loki stared at the large red-haired man for a beat, and then made a strange noise in his throat.

“Loki?” Thor asked.

“I think he just laughed,” Hogun said.

Loki made the sound again, nodding and smiling as he did. Something about the rotund man asking for more food, while everyone was worried about exactly how Loki had ‘eaten’ had tickled him.

~ _Yes…he can eat it._

Thor let Volstagg know and soon the Aesir were eating and telling stories and laughing, despite the jotun in their midst. Loki was content to watch and listen. Most of his life he'd only had Angrbodr and Farbauti to listen and talk to, it was nice to hear other voices and stories. As the flames flickered and danced, he found himself leaning towards Thor and it wasn’t long before he drifted back off to sleep, curled up against Thor's side.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh! Life got in the way of updates! Sorry sorry sorry!
> 
> I'm also sorry that the Loki's past reveal won't happen in this chapter. I had planned for it and have written most of it but I'm not 100% happy with it and this was turning into a beast of a chapter. Promise to update again before Friday (as I am away and internet-less until Sunday night/Monday). That's two updates this week to make up for the lack over the last 10 days!
> 
> Much love and thanks if you are still reading <3

Loki was the first to wake. Around him the Aesir were deep asleep, even Fandral who was meant to be on watch. The blonde buffoon had fallen off the rock he had been perched on and was curled up beside it. Smirking Loki got up and stepped past him towards the mouth of their little cave.  The ice fire still burned, given the cavern an odd glow when mixed with the faint wisps of light that drifted in, and while it was nice and safe in the cave, Loki longed for some fresh air.

Outside there was a new layer of snow on the ground, and the sky was thick with whitish clouds. Loki sniffed the air as he stepped out onto the snow, enjoying the way it crunched and flattened beneath his feet.

There was a blizzard brewing.

This was a cause for concern. It was no ordinary blizzard – but a White Wave. There was no way they could leave the cave if that kind of blizzard did start up. Even a frost giant wouldn’t survive a White Wave. Loki had been in one before; it was not an experience he wished to repeat.

The sound of voices drifted out of the cave: the Aesir were awake. _Time to give them the good news._

As Loki walked back into the cave, it was Thor who spoke.

“There, you see, Loki has returned.” He beamed.

“Wonderful,” Sif said, though she sounded as though she thought anything but. “Can we go now?”

_Go? They couldn’t possibly be thinking of leaving? They might have time for a quick hunt but…_

“Yes, of course,” Thor nodded, stepping up to Loki. “You are coming with us, aren’t you?”

Loki shook his head and reached out to Thor.

~ _It’s not safe._

Thor stopped smiling and regarded Loki seriously. “What?”

“What did he say?” Volstagg asked.

“He said it’s not safe. Loki?”

~ _There is a blizzard coming._

Loki hadn’t known how Thor would react, but he certainly hadn’t expected Thor to laugh. He pulled away.

“A blizzard? We have faced many blizzards since we have been here. They are nothing!” Thor chuckled, turning to the others. “Isn’t that right?”

“Aye,” they all rep lied, nodding.

“What kind of Frost Giant is afraid of a little blizzard?” Fandral sneered.

Loki growled at them all. Why weren’t they listening? It was dangerous to go out in a Whit Wave.

Thor stepped between Loki and Fandral. “Come, Loki, we must move on.”

~ _No, we mustn’t. This is no ordinary blizzard. The snow and hail and wind will strip the flesh from your bones, and then bury the remains in a deep white grave. Do not go out in this._

Thor looked suitably concerned and relayed the information to the others. They all seemed to consider for a moment; all except Sif, who scoffed loudly, crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

“This is just a ploy, a lie, by the jotun to keep us here,” she said. “For all we know, he could have sent a message to our enemies, and is holding us here until they arrive.”

Loki flinched. Just when he thought they trusted him… He should have known better really.

Thor was dithering, torn between wanting to believe Loki and wanting to leave.

“Come on Thor, the generals will be wondering where you are.”

That seemed to spur Thor, who nodded at Sif.

“Aye, we have been away too long already,” he said. Turning to Loki, he studied Loki’s face with sad eyes. “You won’t come with us?”

~ _I will not. I do not wish to perish out there._

“It will be fine, Loki. Do not fear.”

~ _You foolish oaf. Fine. Go. I care not. You’ll get no help from me. I hope as you freeze to death, the last thought that crosses your mind is how you wish you had listened to me._

Angrily, Loki snatched his hand away and stormed to the back of the cave. He sat down on a rock by the water, dipping one foot in the water, and folding his other leg in order to rest his chin on his knee. Pretending not to hear Thor try to reason with him, and Thor’s friends tell him to ‘leave the jotun be’, he instead played with his hair and watched the ripples his foot made, until he heard the sounds of the Aesir leaving.

He only waited a couple of seconds before turning around to check.

They were gone.

Loki sighed and stared down into the still water. He had hoped that Thor would stay; the company had been nice. It had made a change to speak to new people other than Farbauti and Angrbodr for once. Now Loki was alone, with only the sounds of dripping water and the wind outside. If the wind was picking up that would mean the White Wave was getting closer. The Aesir could not have gone far, perhaps he could…

 _No._ Loki shook his head. They had made their decision. They would have to live, or die, with it.  They might be foolish enough to go outside in a deadly blizzard, but Loki was not fool. He was safe and dry and sheltered in the cave. And there, in the water was movement: a fish perhaps? There was no need for him to leave…

~~~~

 _Curse Thor_ Loki thought as he walked through the large white flakes of death. _Curse his friends, curse this snow, and curse his gentle touch… No, curse Loki. Foolish foolish Loki, leaving the sanctity of the cave._

He had waited, had thought about fishing but then stopped because who would eat the fish when he was done (the waste would not have been right otherwise), had thought about bathing. Somehow he had found himself walking towards the cave entrance. The wind had picked up and some snow was starting to build up there. Thankfully the cave curved, so the water at the back and some of the open space was sheltered.

The White Wave hadn’t yet hit but it was closing in. The Aesir didn’t stand a chance.

Loki should have turned around and gone back into the cave. He should have kept safe. But for some currently unfathomable reason, he was pushing his way through wind and snow. Tiny flakes flew into his eyes, making his eyes water, and he was forced to squint into the wind.

Everything was a white blur.

Looking around he didn’t know which way to go. Any tracks the Aesir might have left had disappeared under the constantly falling snow and even if Loki could have shouted, nothing could be heard over the sound of the wind. It was completely white all around with only a few trees showing up as tall black shapes. Loki couldn’t even tell which way he had come, which way the cave was. Even if he found the Aesir, they would all die out here.

They should have listened to him and stayed in the cave. _He_ should have stayed.

He could just transport himself back to the cave. Angrbodr had always warned against transport magic – it took far too much energy and had the potential to go wrong – but if anyone could do it, Loki could. It would be so easy to just return to the cave and leave Thor and the others to their fate…

No, he had to find them. They had saved him, he would do the same. _Leave no debts unpaid_ Farbauti always said.

But how to find them?

With no tracks to follow, and no way to follow a scent, Loki was stumped. It was surely an impossible task and he would die trying.

Then he felt it: strong magic. It was like nothing he had ever felt on Jotunheim before; a low hum, incredibly powerful and calling out to him. Could it be the Aesir? None of them had shown any magical potential, he hadn’t heard it in the cave…But it was the only thing he could sense, could follow, and it certainly wasn’t of Jotunheim. He knew Jotun magic and that wasn’t it.

With nothing else to go on, he started to head in the direction of the hum. The blizzard raged around him as he walked and he was thankful it hadn’t reached full strength yet.

It wouldn’t be long thought before it did. He needed to find the Aesir and fast.

The hum got louder and stronger, and so Loki decided to take a risk. He launched a bright green light into the sky. It flared out, shining bright above him, followed by a flash of red. If there was anyone nearby, they couldn’t fail to spot the light, even through the snow.

His work was rewarded by a shout.

“Over here!”

He recognised the low bellow: Volstagg

As fast as he could in the thick snow, Loki ran forward, listening to the hum of the magic and the shouting. The snow was so much heavier that Loki almost missed them. The Aesir were huddled together, covered in a layer of snow. At first Loki couldn’t see Thor but as he looked closer he saw that Thor was lying on the ground, and the other four were shielding his body with their own.

“Loki!” Sif cried. “What are you doing here?”

Ignoring her question, because of course he couldn’t respond anyway, he hurried to Thor’s side. He was relieved to see that Thor was alive.

~ _Thor._

“…Loki?” Thor’s eyes fluttered open and then closed again. It seemed he was in some pain.

Concern must have been clear and evident on Loki’s face because Sif spoke up.

“Something huge fell and hit him across the back. He hasn’t moved since.”

Loki nodded to show he had heard. He brushed a hand against Thor’s face – it lacked any warmth. They had to get Thor back to the cave soon, where Loki could tend to his injury. But they were so far from the cave, and there was no way to work out how to get back. They were stranded.

“Loki? What do we do?”

He didn’t know. It was only by pure luck he had found them, he doubted luck would strike twice. He should have left himself a trail from the cave, but in his distraction he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“Loki!”

“Can you not magic us to safety?”

 _Magic them to safety?_ As if it were that easy…Well there was transportation but the risks were high. By himself, it might be doable, with Thor a little dangerous but with five extra bodies who knew what might happen?

“Loki?!”

Oh if only they would stop bothering him and let him think!

To transport them all was dangerous. He could take Thor and leave the others, but Thor would never forgive him if he did (and for some strange reason what Thor might think mattered very much to Loki…).

Knowing that dithering any longer would certainly kill them, as the wind and snow was getting worse. Loki was starting to feel the bite of winter, and that scared him.

He shuffled closer to Thor and took hold of his wrist. Looking pointedly at the wrist and then each of the other Aesir, he held out his hand. None of them moved to take it; clearly they still had their doubts about him. He rolled his eyes, and gestured even harder with his free hand, hoping they would get the message.

Sif shared a look with Hogun who shrugged and took hold of Loki’s hand. Sif touched Thor’s wrist, right above where Loki held it.

“Do it,” she shouted at the other two, who joined hands with Hogun and Sif until they had created a circle.

Loki closed his eyes and concentrated. He focussed on blocking out the sound of the wind around them, and the shouting of the Aesir. Instead he pictured the six of them, connected, and then the cave. Six bodies and the cave, six as one in the cave, six in cave, from here to there…Chanting round and round in his head, feeling the power build up inside him

When he released it, there was a loud whump and it felt like somebody had pulled the rug from underneath them. One moment they were in the snow, the next they were in the cave.

The Aesir stumbled apart, quickly getting to their feet.

Loki couldn’t move. Drained he slumped forward onto Thor.

“Help him up,” he heard Sif command.

A little roughly, four hands pulled Loki upright, though as soon as they released him he started to fall forward once more.  The hands caught him this time before he landed on Thor and helped him lie down beside Thor. Sif and Hogun were fussing over Thor, who Loki could see was starting to stir as Sif held a small vial under his nose.

Loki meanwhile was left to lie there, feeling like death. He remembered feeling something like this before, after his lips had been sewn shut and before they had reached Angrbodr, when there had been very little energy left within him. He could feel that again now: his life force was almost completely drained, as was his magic.

This was why Angrbodr warned against transport magic. It required too much power, too much sacrifice. And Loki hadn’t just done a little bit, he had used everything he had to save a bunch of foolish Aesir. It was a good thin Farbauti was dead; he would have killed Loki to have witnessed that.

He couldn’t move, everything hurt. Even turning his head to see Sif smile as Thor muttered and wondered where they were. Loki’s relief was short lived as a jolt of pain shot through him. He made a pained sound and tried to roll onto his side, to lessen it, but the Aesir heard and saw his struggles.

“What is wrong? Why…?” Sif asked, and then her eyes went wide. “You’re bleeding.”

Thor moved at that. He tried to sit up, and managed it with the help of his friends.

“Loki,” Thor said, gently wiping at Loki’s face. The hand came away bloodied.

When Loki whimpered and tried to move, it caused him even more distress. Seeing Loki’s pain and despite his friend’s protests, Thor shuffled forward and lifted Loki’s head into his lap. He stroked some of the jotun’s dark hair, trying to soothe him as best Thor could. Loki squirmed, desperate to ease the pain that racked his body and finding no relief.

“Loki? Loki, speak to me,” Thor said, yanking off a glove and stroking the side of Loki’s face tenderly. “What is wrong? What ails you?”

~ _Your foolishness._

Thor chuckled a little, and Loki basked in the sound. He tried to ignore the pull of Thor’s life force that beat beneath the surface of Thor’s golden skin. Even if Thor’s friends didn’t kill him, to drain Thor of his life after risking everything to save him, seemed too silly to comprehend.

“Aye, we should have listened to you.”

~ _Yes, you should have._

“You said you wouldn’t help us.”

~ _Then it would seem I am as foolish as you._

Thor chuckled again until another burst of pain made Loki whimper harder and his body arch in agony.

“Loki? What is wrong?”

~ _I used up everything I had Thor. I think this is the end._

“What? No, that…Loki you saved us.”

~ _I did. As final acts go, it was an unusual one for a jotun._

“You do your people proud,” Thor said, and as he leaned a bit closer, Loki could see the tears in his eyes. “Is there nothing we can do?”

Loki shook his head.

~ _I have no way to regenerate my magic energies._

Thor swallowed and Loki thought he might argue, try to force it. Loki didn't have it in him to fight it. He hoped Thor would leave it be.

“Loki I…I am glad to have met you.”

~ _And I you, Thor._

Loki managed to smile, and hoped it didn’t look too gruesome. He tried to lift his hand, to touch Thor’s beard and cheek one last time, to wipe away the tears, but found he didn’t have enough energy to reach up. His hand flopped to the side, and as it did, it brushed against something smooth and hard. Through his fingertips he got a hint of immense power. It took him a moment to recognise the hum of power that he had heard out in the blizzard. He cast his eyes down to see the hammer at Thor’s hip. How had he failed again to notice the magical pull?

Thor followed his gaze. “That is the Mightly Mjolnir,” he said proudly. “A great and powerful weapon, forged in the heart of a dying star.”

Now he was closer, Loki wondered how he had missed the sound of the magic contained within the hammer before. It was even stronger at this proximity: how much power was within? Perhaps if Loki could just reach out and touch it, just borrow some magical energy, he might survive?

Slowly, because his limbs failed to comprehend the urgency he felt, he placed a hand on Mjolnir, ignoring the looks he was getting.

 _Just a little bit,_ he thought. _All I need is a little bit._

He sought out the magic within. There was a massive bolt of energy that surged inside him, burning him up. If he could have screamed, he would have.

Then everything went black.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. Hopefully this rapid update makes up for it. I wanted this to be near perfect. Still not 100% happy with it but not sure what's wrong and didn't want to delay posting it as I'm away this weekend and not sure when I'll be posting the next part. Sorry!! /rambling
> 
> Continued thanks for comments and kudos<3

There was darkness and silence, and Loki wondered if this was what death was. To be aware and exist in nothingness: just eternal black quiet. He couldn’t decide if he liked it or not. Then he heard a sound, a snore, and he found that he could open his eyes.

He was alive.

Blinking away the blurriness in his eyes he saw he was in the cave. It was almost completely dark, the small ice-fire he had left though diminished was still burning away, giving off a faint light. Beneath his head he could feel fur, and when he turned his head, he saw Thor sleeping beside him.

Strangely, he actually felt quite well. He still ached and was a little drained, but he found he could shift without too many problems.

That was when he realised his hand was resting on Mjolnir. The hammer had been laid on its longest flat side, and Loki’s hand placed on top of it. The steady thrum of magic was still there – Loki taking some of its magic hadn’t weakened it at all.

It truly was a mighty weapon.

As Loki shifted, someone stirred.

“Loki?” Sif said, getting up from her place beside the fire.

She stepped over a sleeping body and knelt beside Loki.

“You’re alive,” she breathed, as if she couldn’t quite believe it.

Loki nodded and tried to sit up. Quickly, Sif took hold of one hand and placed another under his back, pulling him up into a sitting position. As he leant back against the cave wall, Sif grabbed the fur and placed it behind him to cushion him.

“Wait here,” she said, getting up and moving away so quickly she missed Loki roll his eyes.

_As if he could move anywhere in his state!_

She returned with a fish, which she placed in his lap. “You need to get up your strength,” she said.

Loki nodded his head again, hoping it expressed his thanks. As he absorbed the life force Sif spoke again, her voice barely above a whisper.

“We thought…we thought you had died. But then you were breathing and you had a heartbeat. You wouldn’t wake up though. Thor has been so worried about you. He’s hardly slept. I think exhaustion is the only thing that had finally let him sleep.”

She looked to Thor and then back to Loki.

“We owe you a lot, Loki. Even after we treated you unfairly you… I am sorry we never trusted you. This war…it’s no excuse but we’ve been trained not to trust jotuns. Even as children, you are the monsters that parents threaten us with. I’m starting to think it’s an unjustified, ancient hatred.” Sif sighed and shifted a little. “Thor…he used to talk about hunting all jotuns, wiping out your kind for good. When we first came to fight, he lived up to that goal. But as time has gone on…he’s been changing and meeting you seems to have tipped the balance in his mind.” She touched Loki’s shoulder. “He said he saw hope in you, that you were not like other jotuns, that maybe our views on jotuns were not correct. I’m beginning to agree.”

Sif smiled and squeezed the shoulder. “Thank you.”

Loki blushed, and turned his head away.

“You probably need to rest more,” Sif said, taking away the fish. She wasn’t fast enough to hide her smirk at Loki’s embarrassment.

He nodded and allowed her to help him lie back down.

“Rest well, Loki. Thor will be happy when you are back to full health.”

He watched her walk away before he rested his hand back on the hammer and drifted off to sleep once more.

When he next woke, he felt energised enough to sit up by himself. He looked around the cave and saw everyone was asleep; everyone except Thor who was sitting up and watching Loki from the other side of the cave. Quietly, he got up and made his way to Loki’s side, sitting close and touching Loki’s arm.

“Loki,” he whispered. “Sif told me you had woken the other day, but I couldn’t really believe you were fine until I saw it myself.”

Unable to think of a response, Loki shrugged and turned his head away. Thor was staring at him so intently, it made him nervous. It seemed Thor wasn’t willing to accept Loki’s embarrassment. He took hold of Loki’s chin and turned his head.

“You saved us, Loki, all of us, at great risk to yourself. You didn’t have to, but you did. My friends and I will be in your debt.”

Loki shook his head.

~ _I was repaying my debt to you. You saved me, so I saved you._

“A small act you repaid with a great one. We won’t forget it, _I_ won’t forget it,” Thor smiled. He let go of Loki’s chin. “You know, it’s strange. I was always taught that the jotuns were cruel and vicious monsters. And when I look at you, I see some of that…”

Thor lifted a hand and ran two fingers over the threads on Loki’s lips. Loki trembled and he told himself it was the tickle of Thor’s fingers and nothing else. Thor dropped his hands, one returning to Loki’s arm.

“Anyone who could do this to a child, they are truly the monsters I was led to believe,” Thor continued.  “And yet…I am not so naïve as to think all Aesir are good. I have met my fair share of dishonest, dishonourable and untrustworthy Aesir." Thor scowled, as if remembering something. When Loki touched his arm cautiously, the scowl vanished and was replaced with a smile. “And then there is you. You are like no jotun I have ever met. You have clearly been treated less than favourably by your people, or perhaps mine, and yet you are…well you are you.”

Loki sighed heavily through his nose. He placed a hand over Thor’s.

~ _Thor, I must tell you something, and you must promise not to get mad._

“What is it?”

~ _...I…I am not a child._

Loki flinched, ready for the angry strike following this betrayal. As the silence stretched on he allowed himself to open one eye. Thor was regarding him with amusement and curiosity.

“I know.”

~ _You know?_

“Well, suspected really. You act and speak and carry yourself like no child. Perhaps I wanted you to be a child as well. To believe that allowed me to defend you, allowed you to stay with us.” Thor smiled and then cocked his head. “Though, if I may be so bold – if you are not a child…well you are small for a frost giant…”

~ _I am, for lack of a less disparaging term, a runt._

“Oh, I see.”

They drifted into an awkward silence, during which Thor looked around the cave before he seemed to decide something and shifted closer to Loki. He moved his hand from Loki’s arm and took hold of one of Loki’s hands.

“Loki, I…I want to ask you something, and you would be within your rights to refuse…”

Loki could only stare at their hands, the dark blue of his skin contrasting harshly with Thor’s tanned skin.

“Would you…would you tell me about…about how your lips came to be sewn shut?”

Shocked Loki pulled his hand away and looked away. His heart was racing and he barely heard Thor speak again.

“I’m sorry Loki. It was not my place to pry. I merely wished to…to understand, to know you better. I am sorry.”

Loki took a deep breath and turned back to Thor. He touched Thor’s wrist but it took a few moments before he had gathered his wits and thoughts to speak.

~ _Do not fret so, Thor. I was just surprised by your request. Truthfully I’ve never had to tell anyone. My father was there when it happened, and Angrbodr is…well his sight extends far._

Loki looked around the cave. The other Aesir were still asleep and there was no way they would hear him talk. And he trusted Thor to keep his secrets.

Thor was starting to pull away when Loki spoke again, grabbing Thor’s hand.

~P _erhaps it is time I talk to someone about it…_

As Thor perked up Loki held up a single finger.

~ _But you must promise not to interrupt. It will be a difficult story to tell, for me, and I am not sure I can get through it if you stop me._

Thor nodded. “On my honour I will not disrupt your tale. I am honoured you would share it with me.”

Then, to Loki’s bewilderment, Thor lifted one of Loki’s hands and kissed the back of it, before lowering it again and smiling at Loki.

Hoping his blush was harder to spot due to his dark skin and the low lighting in the cave, Loki shifted a little to get comfortable and prepare himself. Though he was ready to tell Thor the story, he knew it was prudent to keep some facts hidden. To tell Thor that Laufey was his dam would be the end of their strange friendship.

~ _I was born in Utgard, much smaller than a normal jotun. My dam, on seeing my diminutive size ordered my sire, Farbauti…_

“Your father is Farbauti? The famous warrior of Jotunheim?”

~ _You’re interrupting. And yes, Farbauti_ was _my father._

“I’m sorry.”

Loki raised an eyebrow and then shaking it off continued.

~ _Farbauti was ordered to get rid of me. But he told me that once he held me, he could sense a great power, great potential within me. Mages are rare in jotunheim, and to sire or birth one is both a blessing and a curse. Farbauti saw it as something great and s,o worried that my dam might be furious he had kept me, Farbauti hid me away. He said he his plan had been to hide me away until I was strong enough, then he would present me to Laufey-king and the court, where I could serve Jotunheim. He locked me away in a hidden part of the Ice Palace, with a guard outside the door and a minder, whose name I have long forgotten, chained inside._

_~At first, Farbauti would visit me every day, but as time went on, he visited less and less. Oh, he always brought me wonderful gifts, but when you only have one other person for company, seeing him was the greatest thing. The minder cared for me, and taught me, and read to me but it wasn’t the same. I was never allowed from the room, never allowed to see anyone else. It was very lonely. In the end, I think my minder had had enough too. I was starting to come into my powers and had learned a few tricks from a book Farbauti got me. It had been months since he had last visited. The minder was bound to me and the room by an enchanted chain. Somehow he convinced me to work my magic to free him. I think he promised to bring Farbauti to visit. Freeing him was easy and when he left, I waited patiently for him to return._

_~He returned, but not with my father._

Loki took a deep breath and looked at Thor.

~ _I was only a child, Thor, you have to understand. I didn’t know my powers well, I hadn’t been properly taught. When the minder and some of the King’s Guard stormed my room, the minder screaming that I was a demon child and the King would have my head, I…I panicked. I spoke aloud a spell I had read but in my fear I…I got some of the words wrong. Only one Guard made it out alive._

Thor squeezed Loki’s hand.

~ _They dragged me before the King, before Laufey. “A runt and a mage? I thought you were dead.” He said. I could only whimper and beg for mercy. The Guard told him what I had done. Laufey stepped down from the throne and stood before me. “Such power,” he said, holding my chin to stare into his eyes. “We could use that power.” Then he…_

Loki blinked and sniffed.

“Oh, Loki,” Thor said, reaching up with one hand to wipe away the tears, and then taking both of Loki’s hands in his own.

Loki looked down and focussed on those.

~ _Then he ordered my lips be sewn shut, so that I could cast no more spells until he was ready for me to serve him. He gave them the magical thread, thick like a piece of leather cord, and two Guards pinned me down while a third took the needle and thread._

His chest felt tight, remembering, and he felt sick and hot. He squeezed Thor’s hands and closed his eyes, lowering his head.

~ _It was awful Thor. I can’t even describe how it felt. I screamed and screamed at first. There was so much blood, so much pain. I passed out quickly and woke up in a dungeon. My mouth was full of blood and I thought I would throw up, but I would have choked if I had. I tried to pull the stitches out, tried to magic them away, tried everything I could think of. I cried so much I didn’t think I would ever stop._

Loki was breathing heavily, tears pouring freely now. Why was he reliving it? Wasn’t it enough that he had experienced it once?

Then Thor pulled him forward, into a tight embrace, one arm around Loki’s back and a hand pressed against the back of his head, stroking the hair softly.

Loki settled into the embrace before continuing. He had to, had to finish it or he might never be free of the memory.

~ _I’m not sure how long it was before Farbauti came. He had been away on official business when he heard. The King wouldn’t listen to reason, he said. So, with the help of some jotun loyal to Farbauti, they freed me and we made a run for it. They were killed allowing us to escape. We travelled for weeks. Farbauti tried to feed me the tiniest scraps of meat we could get to pass the gaps in the stitching, but it would take hours to feed me that way. By the time we reached Angrbodr, I was nearly dead from starvation._

Loki snuggled a little closer to Thor. Even though the worst of the story was over, it was comforting to be held. It was like with every beat of Thor’s heart and ever stroke of his head, the pain was washing away.

~ _Angrbodr is a witch. Not as powerful as a mage but still talented. Laufey ordered his execution so Angrbodr fled to the mountains in the north, where no one ever goes. There he helped me develop me powers, taught me how to ‘feed’. He took care of us. But he was also the one who fed Farbauti’s notions that I could become King of Jotunheim. And that is why we were on the road and that is why those Guards had taken us prisoner._

“They were taking you back to Laufey.”

Loki nodded and wiped his face and nose with a scrap of cloth Thor gave him.

~ _They struck down Farbauti when he tried to defend me. As for me, their orders were clearly to take me alive. They chained me to Fabrauti I think to stop me running away. They killed him and treated him like an anchor, and I was trapped beside his dead body for so long I… If you hadn’t have turned up, they would have taken me to Utgard. There I…I don’t know what would have happened._

Thor held Loki away from him, forcing Loki to look at him. He couldn’t quite believe what he say. Thor’s bright blue eyes were blurred with tears, there were wet tracks running down his cheeks, and a few tiny beads had gathered in his beard.

“Oh Loki,” Thor said, and then it seemed he couldn’t say any more. He pulled Loki back to him, wrapping his large arms around Loki’s slender frame, and holding him tightly. They stayed like that for ages, Thor’s heatbeat thumping away right by Loki’s ear, Thor’s chin resting on the top of Loki’s head. Every now and then Thor would sniff, making both their bodies rise before settling back down.

Loki could have stayed like that forever, wrapped up in a comforting embraced so long denied to him.

When Thor finally did pull away, Loki reluctantly let go.

“Loki…I…” Thor shook his head, and took hold of Loki’s hands once more. “I cannot begin to understand the suffering you have endured. You are far braver and far better than any warrior I have ever met.”

~ _Thor…_

“No, Loki, please let me speak. I have something I must say, and if you speak I’m not sure I will be able to say it.”

Loki nodded, and squeezed Thor’s hands encouragingly.

“I am sorry that we didn’t listen to you, that you had to suffer further on our account, because we didn’t listen to you, because my friends believed you to be a traitorous jotun spy. We have been told, all our lives, that you are the enemy. But I do not think that is true. You have had enough opportunity to kill us, and instead you save us. I ask your forgiveness for the mistrust and foolishness that nearly cost you your life.”

Loki nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“To that end, and because your safety is not assured here, I ask that you return with me to Asgard.”

It took a moment for Thor’s comment to register. When it finally did, Loki could only stare at Thor in shock. Go to Asgard? Thor could not be serious.

“I realise this is quite an odd request, but…”

~ _I would not be safe in Asgard._

“You would be under my protection, as an enemy of Laufey and a friend of Asgard. You are a powerful mage, something Asgard is lacking in. You would have friends, and safety.”

~ _I…I don’t know if…_

“We have many allies, and a vast library filled with knowledge from across the Nine Realms. That would all be at your disposal and…I make no promises Loki, but we would have a chance to find where the thread came from and who could cut it.”

Loki felt his heart skip a beat. His lips could be freed, he could speak, eat, breathe like everyone else, something he had never even dared to dream of.

But it would mean going to Asgard.

While Thor assured Loki he would be safe, there was no way Thor could guarantee that. He would not want to play personal bodyguard to a jotun. Once the novelty wore off, Loki was sure he would be left alone, and then he would be no safer in the golden halls of Asgard than he would in the Ice Palace.

Yet Thor was looking at him so happily and hopefully. Loki didn’t have it in him to ruin that expression.

~ _I will think about it._

Loki had never seen someone smile as widely as Thor did in that moment.

“That you would even consider it, is pleasing enough,” Thor said.

And then once again, he lifted Loki’s hands and kissed the knuckles of his fingers on both hands.

Embarrassed, Loki could only stare at Thor, this strange Aesir who smelt of blood and war and thunder, who supposedly hated jotuns yet gave kisses to Loki freely, who had a strange magical hammer for a weapon. The more time Loki spent with Thor, the less he understood him.

Desperate for a distraction, Loki looked down at the hammer.

~ _Your hammer is quite remarkable._

Thor chuckled. “Aye, she is a mighty weapon.”

~ _I was worried I might have drained all her power, but it seems she has more than enough to spare. Did I mishear, or did you say she was forged in the heart of a dying star?_

“Aye, I did. Crafted by the great Dwarven smiths.”

~ _Incredible._

“Truthfully, I was a little concerned.”

~ _Oh?_

“Mjolnir cannot be lifted by anyone but myself, and she returns to my hand when I have need of her. And yet, as you lay dying with your hand upon her, I swear she would not budge.”

Loki blinked slowly.

~ _I…I don’t understand._

“Nor did I. I think perhaps she saw in you a good and kindred spirit, and would not be moved until you were well.”

Loki almost pointed out that it was just a hammer, and Thor was applying too much to a simple object. But as he brushed his fingers across the smooth metal, sensing the power within, he knew that wasn’t true. Mjolnir had sensed Loki looking for Thor and the others and drawn him to them, that much was certain. Perhaps Mjolnir had led Thor to Loki as well?

He ran his fingers along the runes etched into the surface and marvelled at the power.

~ _She is remarkable. A weapon and a tool. You can destroy with her, and rebuild._

“You are correct, and I have too much of the former, and not enough of the latter.”

~ _It is never too late to start_

When there was no response Loki turned to look. Thor was staring at him, as if he were a puzzle Thor couldn’t solve. Then Thor smiled.

“Perhaps I already have.”

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay - I was away and internetless over the weekend, and work is kicking my ass in terms of how busy it's gotten! This chapter was proving to be longer as well. It wouldn't stop. But here is it, hope you like it :)
> 
> For reference, I'm going to stop mentioning every single time Loki touches Thor to speak or Thor relays the message. I'll do it occasionally but at this point take it as a given that if Loki speaks, it is to Thor, and if someone responds, it is because Thor has repeated it. Does that make sense?
> 
> And as always, thank you for all the lovely, enthusiastic comments - they really brighten up my days!<3

Loki had once more drifted off to sleep and when he woke it was to the sound of whispered talking. He felt fully refreshed now, and sat up wiping the sleep from his eyes. His movements drew the attention of Thor and his friends, who were huddled together nearby.

Thor came to him as Loki stood up.

“Loki, how do you feel this morning?”

~ _Much better, thank you. I…_

Loki paused and could only stare at Thor’s friends who had stepped forward and then dropped to their knees before him, one fist place over each of their chests and their heads lowered. When Loki looked at Thor to explain, the blonde man shrugged.

“This wasn’t my idea,” Thor said.

Sif looked up. “We spoke while you slept,” she said. “Thor explained to us the level of your sacrifice to save us.”

Fandral nodded and lifted his head as well. “We owe you our lives, and for that we now consider you part of our brother-“

“-And sister!” Sif interjected with a growl.

“And sister – hood.” Fandral said, rolling his eyes.

Sif spotted this action and punched him in the side. As he groaned and leant against Voltsagg, moaning “the Lady wounds me”, Hogun summed it all up for a very confused looking Loki.

“This means that you are our friend, and we will help and protect you, as you have us.”

“My friends…” Thor said, and Loki could tell that he was pleased with the display.

It was such a big gesture, and Loki waned to express his thanks but he wasn’t yet comfortable speaking to the other Aesir like he did Thor. It was an incredibly intimate way of communicating and one that took a lot of effort. He touched Thor’s arm.

~ _Please pass on my gratitude towards your friends and that I understand what an honour this is._

Thor relayed the message and Sif and the Warrior’s Three looked pleased at Loki’s acceptance. They stood up and what followed was an incredibly awkward silence until Volstagg’s stomach grumbled.

“Perhaps we could celebrate by breaking bread together?” he suggested, as the others laughed.

“We have no bread,” said Fandral.

“I did not mean literally, it is a figure of speech. Let us eat together, you pedant.” Volstagg chuckled and dragged Fandral over to the vastly dwindled fire.

The others followed. Loki knelt beside the fire and increased the flames once more. Judging by the pleased sounds the warm-blooded Aesir made, the heat was much appreciated, and Loki wondered how long they had been suffering the cold, too concerned about Loki’s health to ask him to re-make it.

They had already caught several fish and were starting to cook them over the fire. When Thor placed once in front of Loki, he didn’t have the heart to say he was too full. Truthfully he had never experienced ‘full’ before. He only ‘ate’ enough to sustain his body. It seemed that prolonged contact with Mjolnir had not only regenerated all the magic energy Loki had within him, it had increased it. Loki had conjured the ice-fire with barely any effort, and while it wasn’t a particularly difficult spell, the ease with which it had been done was startling.

Loki was thankful his surprise seemed to have gone unnoticed by the Aesir.

So with all that power, he really wasn’t full at all, but he didn’t want to be rude. So he pretended to absorb some energy, as the spell wasn’t visible by the non-magic eye, and then acting like he was full, handed the fish to Volstagg with a small smile.

(He had never smiled much around Farbauti and Angrbodr, because there was never much to smile about. Now, every time Loki smiled at these Aesir, he saw the slight flinch, because he knew how grotesque his stitched mouth must look every time it smiled, but he tried not to let it bother him, because they hadn’t run screaming yet, and that was a good sign).

“So how much longer will this blizzard last?” Fandral asked around a mouthful of fish.

~ _A few days at least, maybe weeks, no more than a month._

“Weeks or a month?” Fandral cried.

“Fear not, my friend,” Thor said, a little too happily. “We have shelter, and heat, and a source of water and food. The storm will pass and we will stay here until it does and Loki says it is safe to go.”

(Clearly he had learned his lesson!)

“And how will we pass the time?” moaned Fandral.

Volstagg laughed. “Well, Loki has not heard the story of the time you tried to seduce ‘the fairest maiden I have ever laid eyes on’ who turned out to be a troll.”

Fandral spluttered and blushed. “Yes, well, it is a boring tale and I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear it…”

They all looked towards Loki.

~ _It sounds like a delightful tale and I feel deprived having not heard it before._

Thor laughed as he relayed Loki’s words and soon Fandral’s head was buried in his hands as Volstagg, with help from Sif and Thor, regaled Loki with the tale.

Soon everyone was laughing (Hogun had cracked a smile a few times) and Loki was making a noise in his throat the others were interpreting as his laugh. Fandral recovered enough to tell a retaliatory story about Volstagg getting in trouble with his wife, and there were many stories like that which followed. The group went round and round, telling embarrassing stories, making each other laugh.

Loki kept the fire burning and listened intently. At first he was jealous; he had never had friends with whom he had adventures, let alone stories to tell. He was embarrassed that he had no stories to tell (at least none that were funny – they were all linked to very painful memories), and thankfully they all decided to get some more rest before anyone asked him to tell a story.

(He half hoped they wouldn’t ask him, simply because telling the story through Thor might prove difficult and tedious, if he could even think of one to share).

Loki was the first to wake after that and he quietly went to the water’s edge, dipping his feet into the water and scooping water to run along his legs and arms. He wanted to wash properly but the lack of privacy meant he was reluctant to strip off any of his clothing items. He might be exposed by Aesir standards, but Loki still had his dignity. As the others slowly woke up, each of them joined him by the waters. Loki could tell they wanted to wash as well, could smell that it had probably been days since any of them had washed, but their clothes were the only thing keeping them warm. The ice-fire had increased the heat in the cave and they were sheltered from the worst of the blizzard by the curve of the cave, but a cold wind still managed to reach them.

Convincing himself he was doing it because he couldn’t stand the smell of the Aesir any longer, and not for any other reason, Loki got up, ignoring the confused looks of those around him. He walked to the mouth of the cave. Snow had gathered around the mouth and the wind was blowing into him. He could feel a strange tingling, which Loki mused might be the feeling of cold – it was an odd and frightening sensation and not one he was keen to feel again.

At the mouth of the cave he stopped, ignoring Thor’s shouts asking Loki what he was doing. He pressed his hand to the cave wall and concentrated on the power within him. It came quickly and easily. Ice started to spread away from the wall across the open gap, cracking as it did until a thick ice wall stood where the entrance to the cave had been.

He turned to see shocked faces staring at him, and he panicked, realising that it looked like he was trapping them in, when really he had done it to keep the wind out. He quickly stepped up to Thor and explained.

~ _It will keep the cold air out. Now you can all wash without freezing to death. And trust me, you need it._

Thor laughed. “My friends, I think Loki wishes us to bathe!”

“In that water? It’s freezing!” Fandral moaned.

“Maybe for someone as delicate as you…” Thor teased, as he started undressing. Once he was down to his under-things, he stepped into the water, hissing and wincing at first.

“Cold?” Fandral chuckled.

“Bracing,” Thor replied, before splashing water at the others. “Come on in, or are you all delicate little maidens?”

That seemed to spur the others into action and soon they were all in their under-things, splashing and wrestling each other in the water. Loki sat and watched with amusement, dangling his feet in the water once more.

“Loki!” Thor roared gleefully. “Join us!”

Loki shook his head and when Thor tried to grab his ankle, Thor’s hand passed right through it and the Loki sat on the rock disappeared. Bemused Thor turned around and spotted another Loki on the rocks on the side of the pool.

Thor laughed. “A fine trick Loki. Have you any others?”

 _Did he have any other tricks?_ Loki scoffed internally. He was positively bursting with magical potential. Angrbodr had taught him a great many magics, until Loki had surpassed him, and then Loki had only had books and his own mind to learn and create new spells. Farbauti had never approved of the sillier of the magics that Loki came up with, but Farbauti wasn’t here…

Loki touched a fingertip to the water, and as he lifted it, a strip of water rose with it and began to form a shape. He did this several more times until he had tiny little water sprites who, when Loki wiggled his fingers, began to dance and skate across the surface of the water. Some of them skated around the Aesir still in the water, performing leaps over limbs that floated above the surface.

When Loki clicked his fingers the figures stopped moving, turning to ice but somehow not sinking. Then when he clicked his fingers a second time, the ice exploded into tiny bursts of light which skittered across the surface of the water before fading.

In the silence, Loki could hear his heart beating fast and he didn’t dare look up. It was something he had practiced many times when he was alone. He had never shared with anyone, and yet Thor’s mere presence had made Loki want nothing more than to share it.

He forced himself to look up when Thor said his name. What he saw surprised him.

The five Aesir were looking at him with awe, but Thor, oh Thor, was looking at Loki like he was the greatest treasure Thor had ever seen. He was staring with such raw emotion it was making Loki feel uncomfortable. Nobody had ever looked at Loki like that.

Loki didn’t know what to do.

As a distraction he kicked out his foot and using his magic caused a large tidal wave, which knocked everyone over, given Loki a chance to disappear into the shadows at the back of the cave.

~~~~

Later, once Loki had calmed down and thought it over, he realised he had over-reacted. He wasn’t used to being around other people, and so when Thor has acted one way, Loki had misinterpreted it. That was the only explanation. There was no way Thor, a mighty Aesir warrior, could be attracted to Loki, a runt Frost Giant with his lips sewn shut. Their people were at war. Angrbodr has always warned Loki away from romantic tales, said they would warp his understanding of regular interactions, that real life was nothing like the bards and poets made it out to be. Happy endings didn’t happen.

Curse the old witch for being right for once.

No, what Loki had seen in Thor’s eyes were admiration for Loki’s magic and pride that Loki was his friend. Loki liked thinking that he was Thor’s friend. He’d never had a friend before. He’d had a few pets, before Farbauti had discovered them and killed them ( _“This is an important lesson, Loki, that you must not get emotionally attached to things. One day you will be a King and Kings must be emotionless.”)._ But pets were different. And Loki was damn well sure he wasn’t going to lose the first friends he had ever had.

He walked back into the light of the fire, and when Hogun looked up and pointed Thor quickly got to his feet and rushed to Loki’s side.

“Loki? What happened? You…”

Shaking his head Loki lifted his hand and pressed a finger against Thor’s lips to silence him.

~ _I just needed some time alone Thor. But I am back now and I would love to hear some more stories, if you would tell them?_

Thor looked concerned and like he might refuse, but when Loki didn’t look away Thor nodded.

“Very well, how about the time Fandral dyed his hair pink?”

Loki snorted as Fandral protested quite loudly.

“Why are we telling stories about me again?”

~~~~

The blizzard raged on for several more days. Each morning (though in the blocked up cave it was truly hard to tell when it was morning, noon or night), Loki would press his hand against the ice and try to see the world beyond it. Every day was just a blur of white flakes and wind.

To pass the time the group continued to tell stories and Loki shared his tricks, but soon even that wasn’t enough. So the Aesir started sparring. They urged Loki to join in and at first he refused. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to fight; Farbauti had trained him on occasion – but he was only used to fighting stationary wooden opponents or those the size of a Frost Giant. Watching Thor and his friends spar, he knew his skills were severely lacking.

Thor had allowed Loki to stay out of the sparring for a while, but it seemed his patience over Loki’s lack of involvement had finally worn down.

“Loki, join us,” Thor said.

Not waiting for Loki’s response, Thor grabbed the blue wrist and pulled him to his feet.

~ _Thor, I would really rather not…_

“It would do you good to learn how to fight.”

~ _We have been over this already. I know how to fight._

“Then show me.”

~ _NO!_

Loki wrenched his wrist free and turned away, breathing heavily through his nose.

“I’m sorry Loki, I only wished… I wished to show you how to protect yourself.”

Sharply Loki turned and touched Thor’s skin.

~ _I have my magic you fool, I know how to protect myself. And my father taught me to fight as well, but I have never actually…_

He stopped, unable to admit it.

“You have never fought against anyone before,” Thor finished for him.

Loki shook his head.

~ _Only Farbauti, and I never won against him. He was too big and rough._

He thought Thor might comfort him, but to his surprise Thor walked away towards his friends. Loki watched as they huddled together and whispered to each other, while Loki could only stand and fidget nervously. Finally Thor turned to face him, the others standing right behind him.

“We are all in agreement then,” Thor said as the others nodded. “We shall help Loki train.”

Loki shook his head and started to step forward, so he could speak to Thor.

Sif spotted this and stepped up in front of Thor. “We do not doubt your prowess in magic, Loki, nor that you know how to fight. But now you are one of us, it is our duty to train you into a better fighter. We are each proficient in different weapons, and so you can train with each of us to discover what works, and perhaps a fighting style that suits you best. And we would love for the chance to learn how to fight against a powerful sorcerer such as yourself.”

Loki knew shameless flattery when he heard it, and almost refused on that basis alone. Yet he was no fool, he knew they were offering him a great opportunity. And he knew it wasn’t offered out of pity or because they saw fault in him. They had accepted him, and to be one of them they expected him to fight well.

They saw a weakness and strove to fix it, because that’s what friends did.

So slowly and begrudgingly (though only to keep up appearances) Loki nodded. Thor beamed and pulled him into a tight embrace, and Loki would be reluctant to admit that it was worth saying yes for that alone.

And so it was that, while the blizzard continued outside, inside the warmth of the cave, Loki was taught how to fight by creatures more his size. He faced off against Hogun’s mace, Fandral’s rapier, Volstagg’s axe and Sif’s dual-bladed sword. Each day Loki fought against one of them, and if his aches and bruises each night were anything to go by, he managed to lose and yet learn a lot. They all praised him for his efforts and certainly enjoyed discovering how to fight against his magics.

(Loki would never admit he was going easy on them when it came to using his magic. He didn’t want to give away just how much power he had now, and truthfully, he knew that there was only so much they could do in a fight against magic with simple weapons. Still he gave them something to fight against, and if they suspected he was holding back, no one commented).

He had yet to face off against Thor, and he wondered if that was because Thor was hesitant to fight against Loki for some reason.

Whatever the reason, Loki didn’t discover because when he woke the next day and checked the ice wall, the blizzard beyond it was gone. Loki thought he would be relived to be free of the cave and confinement after so long. So why did his chest ache at the thought of leaving?

He had known this day would come. Thor’s words from the night they had spoken alone echoed around his head. _Return with me to Asgard._ Loki had promised to consider the request.  Every night he had thought about it and come to only one conclusion.

Loki could not go with Thor.

Thor might promise protection and freedom and the possibility that the thread might be cut, but Loki knew that as long as the Aesir and Jotuns were at war, there was no way a jotun would ever be safe inside Asgard. It pained him to think of this, that he would have to refuse Thor and lose the first friends he had ever had. But Loki had long ago realised that his life was filled with bittersweet moments and this was yet another one to add to the list. He would let Thor down, they would part ways and Loki would just be another name mentioned in one of their tales. “ _Remember that time on Jotunheim with the jotun runt whose lips had been sewn shut…?”_

Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. It was better this way. Wasn’t it?

He wiped away the tears and went back to rouse the others, Thor first. They were dazed but at his insistence, followed Loki to the cave entrance. He placed a hand on the ice wall and it melted away. The snow that had built up on the other side tumbled around their feet and they all climbed out over it into the open.

“Fresh air at last!” Fandral said, making a big show of breathing deeply.

The others all nodded, stretching their limbs and breathing in the cold air. It really was good to be outside again after so long. It was quiet all around them.

The peace couldn’t last long though.

“We should get moving. We are probably days behind any of our armies, and the Generals will be wondering where you are," Sif said to Thor.

“I am sure they are glad to have me out from underfoot. ‘Too young to be out here’, remember?” he replied.

Sif said nothing.

Thor chuckled and turned to Loki. “We head south,” he said, and there was no question in his voice that Loki was coming with them.

It made what Loki did next so much harder.

He took a step back and shook his head.

“Loki? Please, this cannot mean no?”

Loki nodded as Sif stepped beside Thor.

“No to what, Thor?”

Thor didn’t break eye contact with Loki as he answered. “I asked Loki to come back with us to Asgard.”

“Thor!” Sif exclaimed, as the Warrior’s Three also made sounds of protest.

“He is not safe here, and he has proven himself an ally of Asgard.” Thor argued.

“He would not be safe on Asgard either. All the people will see is their enemy, no matter what good he has done here.” Sif faced Loki. “I do not mean to be cruel. We have learnt not to be so blind but our people have not.”

Loki nodded his head in a display of understanding. He knew she was right.

“He would be under my protection. As Prince of Asgard…”

At that revelation Loki made a shrill noise in the back of his throat and darted forwards, grabbing Thor’s arm.

~ _You are Prince of Asgard?!_

“Yes,” Thor said dumbly, confused at Loki’s confusion. “I thought you knew.”

~ _How would I know you giant fool? I have lived in almost absolute isolation and you – NEVER – said._

Thor stared. “Loki, I…”

Loki pulled away. If he hadn’t been sure of his decision before, he was now. There was no way he, runt and abandoned but still a Prince of Jotunheim, could go to Asgard with its Prince. If Thor knew the truth – it would almost certainly change his mind. And any notions he might have had about his relationship with Thor were pushed to the back as well. It felt like this news should make the parting easier, and yet Loki wanted nothing more than to say yes, if only to see Thor smile again. The forlorn expression was breaking Loki’s heart to see.

“Please, Loki…” Thor said, pushing past Sif and ignoring her protests, to reach for Loki.

Sighing, Loki allowed himself to be pulled into an embrace. Thor’s breath was hot on his neck and ear but he allowed that too.

“I know you are scared but I would not let anything happen to you. Come to Asgard.”

Loki shook his head, even though Thor couldn’t see it and touched a hand to his neck.

~ _I know you mean well Thor, and I would love to see Asgard one day. But I cannot go with you._

Thor pulled back but held onto Loki’s neck with one hand and his arm with another. “Why not?”

~ _I have been a prisoner all my life. Now I am free, I want to see everything, experience everything, I have missed. And one day, I want to walk into Asgard and be accepted, not because of you, but because of me._

There were tears in Thor’s eyes, and Loki felt horrible that he was the one causing them. He reached up and brushed them away.

~ _I am sorry Thor. I cannot go with you. Not yet._

Thor sniffed loudly and looked down at the ground. After a few quieter sniffs, he looked up.

“I cannot change your mind?”

Loki shook his head.

 “I wish you would come with us,” Thor said, letting go of Loki, “but I will not force you. I will miss you though.”

Reaching out, Loki brushed his fingers against Thor’s cheek.

~ _I will miss you too._

Thor looked like he was going to speak again, when he seemed to change his mind. Instead, he reached inside his over-coat and with some difficulty pulled out a gold chain looped around his neck. Attached to the chain was a small round coin, with a lightning bolt engraved on it. Thor pulled it over his head and held it in one hand.

“This is my symbol, given to me on my coming of age,” he said to Loki.

Without warning, Thor stepped forward and put the chain over Loki’s head, lowering it so the chain hung around Loki’s neck.

~ _Thor?_

“What are you doing? You cannot…” Sif said.

Thor held up a hand. “I will do with it as I wish,” he said to her.

Loki reached up to brush his finger across the gold coin and jumped when Thor’s hand closed on his.

~ _I cannot keep this Thor._

“You can, and will. This is my symbol. Show this to any Aesir you encounter and they will not harm you, but will bring you to me. Use it if ever you need aid.”

~ _Thor, I…thank you._

At first Thor smiled, and then his face turned serious. “I am not giving this to you Loki, you understand?”

Loki’s confusion must have been evident.

“You are merely borrowing this,” Thor said, slowly. “This means that you have to give it back.”

He patted Loki on the shoulder. He stepped back towards his friends, to give Loki room to understand his meaning.

 _‘You have to give it back’_ meant Loki would have to see Thor again.

Quickly, because he could feel tears building and didn’t want Thor’s last memory of him to be a weak one, Loki bowed to Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, who are bowed in return. Then Loki took one last look at Thor before turning and hurrying away from them, clutching the coin in his hands. He could hear Thor shouting but didn’t stop, didn’t turn. Tears blurred his eyes, and he knew he should stop and say goodbye properly but he didn’t trust himself to speak. If he did, he would have gone with them, and he knew he couldn’t, not yet.

But one day.

‘ _You have to give it back.’_

It was a promise, one Loki was certain he would keep.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG I'm so sorry it took so long. Work and life got busy and that is no excuse. This chapter was a bitch to write and it is massive, and I hope it lives up to expectations, and I'll try to update more regularly (though I make no promises) and thanks for continued lovely messages!
> 
> Sorry for the lack of Thor in this chapter. I'll make up for it, I promise!

Loki kept walking, tears blurring his vision, until he was sure he was far enough away from Thor and the others. He collapsed to the ground, tears now freely flowing down his cheeks, silent sobs catching in his throat. Clutching Thor’s pendant to his chest, he allowed himself to cry without shame. He guessed that someone had held Thor back, or he would have caught up by now. He was all alone now. The silence around him was too loud and he longed to hear a friendly voice calling his name…

( _don’t think about Thor, don’t think about Thor)_

Some time later, once his tears stopped, Loki forced himself to stand, stiff limbs complaining. He looked around to get his bearings. Given what he remembered of maps of Jotunheim, Loki knew he was probably halfway between Angrbodr’s mountain hideaway and Utgard.

 _Between a rock and an even bigger rock,_ Loki thought dryly.

Going back to the mountains wasn’t an option. Loki didn’t like Angrbodr. He knew that he owed the old witch his life, for which Loki was grateful, but he was under no delusions that Angrbodr had done it out of compassion. No, Angrbodr had seen an opportunity to restore himself to his former glory, by helping Loki become the new King of Jotunheim. As long as Loki served a purpose, Angrbodr tolerated him. But whenever Farbauti had been absent, Angrbodr has berated Loki and treated him with scorn. Loki had been sure it was because Angrbodr was jealous of his power, but when he tried to speak to Farbauti about it, his sire had told him not to tell lies. Farbauti it seemed had fallen in love with the witch.  To go back without him wouldn’t end well: Angrbodr would probably try to kill Loki and take his power. Not that Loki was afraid, the new power from Mjolnir meant the witch was no threat, but it wasn’t worth it. Angrbodr had nothing he wanted.

 No, he wouldn’t go back to Angrbodr.

Going to Utgard wasn’t an option either.  Again, it wasn’t that Loki was afraid to go back, he was far more powerful that anyone there, he could easily walk in and take over if he wanted. But claiming ‘his birth-right’ had been Farbauti’s (and Angrbodr’s) goal, not Loki’s. He wasn’t sure he wanted to walk in alone either. He wanted to enjoy his freedom. That was why he hadn’t gone back to Asgard with…

_Damn._

_(don’t think about Thor, don’t think about Thor)_

No, he wouldn’t go to Utgard.

Loki’s only option was to travel Jotunheim, explore the lands as he had always wished to. He was under no delusion that it would be easy; with his lips sewn shut, Loki was too recognisable. It would be naïve to think that no one had heard about him. If he wasn’t going to travel, he was going to have to hide his lips.

Picking a direction he walked off that way, until he came across the first jotun settlement. It was a small encampment. Loki skirted around the edges, avoiding being seen until he spotted what he needed: a long scrap of fabric. Moving swiftly, he darted towards it, snatching it up  and running off back into the forests. Once out of sight, he wrapped the fabric around his neck twice, letting the ends drape behind him like two thin capes. He tugged up the front until it covered his chin, pulling it tight and tucking it under his ears.

He created a small mirror of ice on a nearby tree and checked out how he looked. It was still suspicious, to have the lower half of his face covered up, but it would have to suffice. He set off, with no destination in mind, just a desire to explore.

~~~~

Over the next couple of months, Loki travelled Jotunheim, staying as far away from Utgard as he could. He mostly wandered where the mood and wind took him, staying away from settlements. Jotunheim was a land damaged by war but there was still beauty to be found, and Loki was determined to find it all. Beautiful lakes, underground caverns, mighty rivers, and vast glaciers – Loki saw them all. It was a very lonely existence but full of wonder.

That wasn’t to say that Loki didn’t encounter others. When he was hungry he hunted, but being unable to literally eat what he caught and unhappy about wasting it, he would take what he caught to the nearest jotun camp or village to barter. It was difficult to do without speaking, but he found hand gestures and writing manageable. He would trade what he had for anything that caught his eye. Money was of no interest, neither was other forms of food, so he collected pretty trinkets.

Sometimes he would linger after he had traded, hiding in shadows and listening to the chatter. He was amused to discover that he was gaining a reputation. The jotuns were assuming he was a child, rather than a runt, and his silence was magically enforced. They referred to him as the ‘Silent Nomad’ and ‘Child of Silence’.

Loki quite enjoyed those names, and did everything he could to encourage them. For the first time in his life, he was happy.

Though that wasn’t strictly true. In quiet moments his mind would wander to Thor, and he would think of Thor’s laughter, and the stories he told, and the look on his face when Loki performed his magics…

He listened out for any talk about Asgard and the war, and any mention of Thor, but there was very little news. Loki decided for his sanity, that no news was good news. In the meantime, he avoided any areas of fighting, mostly by luck but also by always being very careful. Laufey’s soldiers would be on the lookout for someone like him, and Asgardians would see him as an enemy before he could get Thor’s symbol out. He was better off alone as it was.

He longed for a companion though.

It was a little later ( _six months after he had left Thor, not that he was counting_ ), when Loki was strolling through a forest and looking through the bag of gems he had acquired. They were perfectly beautiful – Loki had traded a snow hare for them, fur and all. The trader had eyed him warily, asking why Loki would be trading a full, undamaged hare. Loki had shrugged and taken the gems and left, the whispers following him all the way out of the village.

It was early in the year, so the snow was light on the ground; more of a dusting than a true snow. The ground beneath it was hard and unforgiving, and the trees around him were so sparse and bare they didn’t offer a great deal of protection from the wind.

Loki was contemplating which way to go next, and how to occupy his afternoon before he sought shelter, when he heard the sounds of hooves heading his way. A stampede of some kind. Not wishing to be trampled to death, and knowing that he wasn’t going to be fast enough to run away, Loki hurried to the nearest tree and clambered up in, grateful for once he was quick and light.

He was about halfway up the tree when a herd of elk thundered past. Some of them bumped against the tree. The sheer number of the elk running made the tree vibrate, and Loki was forced to cling, lest he be knocked off his perch.

It soon became apparent why the elk were running so fast and hard, Loki heard the howls before he saw them: a pack of dire wolves. They were barking and howling, and biting at the elk, steering them on and trying to bring one down.

Loki had never seen a dire wolf in the flesh before. He’d read about them and seen pictures, but that compared in no way to the real thing. They were massive, as everything was on Jotunheim. The elk were large, bigger than the horses that the Aesir preferred to ride. But a fully grown dire wolf…Loki could see one at the front of the pack and it was far taller than Loki or any Aesir, but a little shorter than a fully grown jotun. Under the grey-ish white fur, Loki was sure there was pure muscle. The teeth were thick and jagged, and their eyes red like most creatures on Jotunheim.

The wolves hadn’t managed to bring down an elk yet, they were all sticking too close together. The last few stragglers were just passing under the tree Loki was sat in, when a dire wolf lunged at one. The two creatures thumped against the tree. Unprepared, Loki fell. He panicked and grabbed for a branch, before he landed on one, the air forced out of him.

Below he could hear the elk thrashing and crying out, as the wolves took it down. He hoped they were distracted enough that he could climb back up.

Luck, it would seem, was not on his side.

There was a howl. The elk had stopped moving and a few of the larger wolves were already feeding. At the sound of the howl, the wolves all stopped feeding and looked up. Loki looked down in horror and he swore one of them smiled. It howled and lunged, and Loki was barely quick enough to pull his legs up.

He scrambled up onto the branch as another wolf jumped. Loki could feel the hot breath on his ankles. He jumped up for the next branch just as a wolf bit down on the branch he had been standing on. As he scrambled up higher, he could hear the barks and howls of frustration below and he knew he was safe. A few of them tried to knock the tree, in the hopes of making him fall again, but using his magic Loki made himself a secure seat.

They still wouldn’t leave. The wolves took it turns to feed on the dead elk and try and get Loki to fall out of the tree. They seemed determined to get him, and they were patient enough to wait. Luckily Loki was patient too.

After several hours though his legs and backside were sore, and he longed to move. It was starting to turn dark but the wolves wouldn’t leave. Some were still feeding but most were circling the tree. Loki knew that they would outlast him if they wanted, and though Loki was no ordinary jotun, he knew he couldn’t stay up in the tree forever.

He didn’t want to kill the wolves, he understood they were just doing what came naturally, but he had to make them leave. Twirling his fingers in the air he made several thick snowballs the size of his head. A few of the wolves were looking up, confused as to where the floating white balls had come from.

Loki flicked a finger and the first ball shot downwards, hitting the ground just in front of a wolf, and exploded in a burst of white powder. The wolf yelped and jumped backwards. The others moved around, frightened but not leaving. One, the leader Loki thought, looked up and growled.

 _Leave,_ Loki thought. _Please leave._

When it seemed the wolves were undeterred, Loki sighed and started firing more snowballs.

Some hit the ground, but most were now directed at targets, hitting wolves in the back, neck and face. Any wolf that was hit immediately ran off, and it seemed others were getting the message. Scrambling and fighting to get away, they were all running away from Loki, barking and howling into the distance as they went.

The leader was the last to go and he stopped when there was a high-pitched whine. Loki stopped the snowballs and looked down.

There was a wolf, a cub, about half Loki’s height lying on the ground, panting and whining. It tried to get up and then fell back down. The leader looked at the cub and then up at Loki and seemed to decide it wasn’t worth it, turning and running off after the others, as the small wolf howled and whined for the leader to come back.

Loki made the snowballs vanish. Still unsure if he was safe, Loki created a clone on the ground. The cub growled at it and tried lamely to move away, but failed. It continued to growl as the Loki-clone move around the space, until Loki was sure that no wolves would return, enticed by his prescence on the ground.

Carefully, he climbed down, dropping onto the ground as the clone faded away. The cub growled and snapped at him as Loki stepped past and started to walk and tried not to feel guilty. He hadn’t wanted to seriously injure them, just make the wolves go away. Now the cub was abandoned and would probably die.

He didn’t get very far when the guilt became too much.

Sighing, he turned back and walked towards the cub. He stopped nearby, but not close enough for it to bite him. It tried to wriggle close, but the way it was panting heavily suggested it didn’t have the strength left to fight him.

In order to help it, Loki would have to get closer. He knelt so that he was less imposing, but still taller than the cub. As he reached out a hand, it lifted its head to bite him. Loki reacted quickly and smacked it on the nose.

The cub stared at his for a moment. Then when it looked like it was going to bite again, Loki smacked it a second time and then growled. Miraculously the cub seemed to get the message and lay down, whining, while Loki shuffled closer.

He ran his hands over the cub’s side. The fur was thick and incredibly soft, like nothing Loki had ever felt before. Beneath the fur and skin though, Loki could sense a lot of damage. He couldn’t be sure what was wrong, but he felt it was bad. He wondered how much of it was the result of his snowballs, and how much had happened when the other wolves had tried to flee.

It would take a lot to heal. Dire wolves were different to jotuns and Aesir; Loki could only guess as to how to proceed. But knowing that he had been the cause of the injuries and abandonment, Loki had to try.

Over the next couple of hours Loki would apply healing magic to the cub, until it would whine or snap at him. Loki took that as a sign of pain, and he would stop, though he would also smack the cub on the nose when it tried to bite. He also brought over some scraps of meat from the elk carcass, and make an icicle that the cub could lick for water.

Before long, he realised he was sitting with the cub partially in his lap. One of Loki’s hands rested on the cub’s head, just behind the ears, and his fingers was gently stroking and scratching. The cub, who had been still for a long time, was making a rumbling contented sound and Loki couldn’t help but smile. It was a moment of peace and companionship and he hadn’t experience that since…

He must have drifted off, because his eyes snapped open and the sun was rising. The cub was no longer in his lap and Loki panicked, running his hands over his body to check for injuries. There were none. As he slowly got to his feet, Loki tried to supress the feeling of loneliness that washed over him. He shouldn’t have expected the cub would stay, and though Loki was used to waking up alone, it didn’t mean he liked it.

Knowing he shouldn’t linger he made to move away when he heard a sound. He turned and saw the wolf cub coming out of some bushes. It stopped, leaving a short space between the two of them. When Loki stepped forward, it stepped back. When he stepped backward, it stepped forward. It was still nervous of him, but it seemed healthy. Loki wondered if it had tried and failed to find its pack. They were probably long gone by now…

Nervously he reached out a hand, holding it out palm down. The cub didn’t move for a while but, just when Loki was about to turn and leave, it slowly walked forwards until its head touched Loki’s hand. Loki curled his fingers into the soft grey fur and scratched just behind the ears. The cub nuzzled the hand and then Loki’s hip.

And when Loki moved off, the cub followed.

Well, he had wanted a companion. For someone without speech, like Loki, a silent companion was perfect.

In his mind, he called the cub Fenrir. In the past, he had never given his pets names, because he had known Farbauti would take them. But nobody would take Fenrir away from him now. In time, the dire wolf cub would be far larger than Loki, and having him by Loki’s side would be very beneficial.

With Fenrir by his side, still only a cub but large, Loki stayed away from jotun settlements for a while. He wanted Fenrir to be used to Loki before he introduced him to larger jotun. So they travelled around, hunting together – Loki ‘eating’ the life essence and Fenrir the meat. Loki also began training Fenrir. Even though he couldn’t issue commands vocally, he found he could make a variety of whines and growls that the cub responded to. Growl _come,_ whine _stop,_ higher whine sit, and so on. It wasn’t long before Fenrir responded to all of Loki’s commands, and stuck beside him wherever they went.

And so it was the rumours and gossip amongst jotun changed from stories about the ‘Silent Nomad’ to ‘the Silent Nomad, who tamed a Dire Wolf’.

~~~~

A few months after he met Fenrir ( _ten months after he left Thor, but Loki definitely wasn’t counting_ ), he and the wolf were walking through one of the western jotun forests, following the river. Fenrir had grown a little, though he was still smaller than Loki. It would be a few years before he was a larger adult wolf, and several more before he was fully grown. While Loki looked forward to that day (because honestly, who would mess with a jotun sorcerer and a Dire Wolf?) he was enjoying having a smaller Fenrir by his side.

The wolf was currently splashing along in the waters, barking and yipping happily. Loki couldn’t help but chuckle. Occasionally he would dip his foot in and splash Fenrir, or create small water sprites for the wolf to chase after, laughing when Fenrir would bite the sprites only to be surprised by the burst of cold water in his mouth.

It was a lovely moment and desperate to preserve it Loki found a quiet spot to sit and dip his feet into the water. He washed his legs and arms while he was at it, enjoying the cool feeling of the water on his skin washing away the dirt and grime of the last few days. Fenrir continued to jump and play in the water, this part of the river not quite deep enough that the cub needed to swim.

Loki was so focussed on Fenrir, he almost didn’t spot the long dark shape below the surface of the water. He almost dismissed it as his eyes playing tricks, until he saw a head break the surface of the water.

An ice serpent.

Loki made the sound for danger, and Fenrir’s ears flicked back and his body tensed, ready for action. Fenrir hadn’t spotted the snaked yet and as Loki’s eyes scanned the water, he realised he had lost sight of it.

In the next instant, Fenrir reared up, sending water up over Loki, as the ice serpent’s fangs buried deep into Fenrir’s leg. The serpent was as long as Loki was tall, skin a blue far darker than that of any jotun with flecks of silver. A beautiful yet deadly creature.  Fenrir thrashed and kicked and the serpent fell back into the water. After he was over the shock of being completely doused with water, Loki had jumped to his feet, in time to see the serpent rise out of the water to strike at Fenrir.

Without thinking Loki froze the water. Fenrir whined as his legs were trapped in the ice covered water. Loki could tell the wolf was also in some pain, but he would deal with that in a moment.

The serpent was also stuck, its head and body about the length of Loki’s arm sticking up from the patch of river Loki’s magic had frozen, hissing and spitting and thrashing it’s head from side to side in an attempt to get free.

Loki ignored it for the moment and hurried to Fenrir’s side. He made soothing sounds and stroked the back of the wolf’s head. Once Fenrir was calm, Loki knelt down and placed a hand by each leg, melting the ice around it so Fenrir could get free. Fenrir whimpered as he lifted the leg the serpent had bitten. Loki could see the bite, see the blood frozen on his paw. He knew that an ice serpent’s bite was deadly; that it could freeze the blood in your body. Wasting no more time, Loki grabbed Fenrir’s leg and began massaging the paw, working his healing magic and seeking out any blood that might have frozen. Luckily it was a slow acting affect and so there was no permanent damage.

As Fenrir sat behind him and licked his wound, Loki’s attention turned back to the serpent. It was still thrashing, and the ice around it had started to crack a little. It was a little cruel but Loki strengthened the ice a little more. The serpent stopped moving but continued to hiss angrily.

Loki was angry too. They hadn’t attacked it, hadn’t threatened it. Fenrir was clearly too big for him to eat, yet the serpent had hurt him. Loki had half a mind to just leave him in the ice and go. But when he thought about it, he realised the serpent had perhaps been defending its territory. He looked on as the serpent laid its head on the ice in defeat. Even though it was a long serpent, it seemed quite thin, now that it was still. There weren’t many fish in this river, perhaps it had viewed Fenrir as competition for a limited food source. He reached out sympathetically and the snake head lurched forward, baring its fangs once more.

Loki’s reaction was similar to the time with Fenrir. Before he’d even registered that he had done it, Loki smacked the serpent’s head.

The serpent stopped hissing and stared at Loki. Behind him he could swear he heard Fenrir snort in amusement. That seemed to annoy the serpent who started to hiss and open his mouth, so Loki did it again.

 _No,_ he thought and he looked stern and pointed a finger at the serpent, trying to get his thought across.

The serpent hissed once and then lay down on the ice, glaring up at Loki.

Sighing, Loki turned his attention back to Fenrir. The wolf was sitting up, watching. Loki ran his hands over Fenrir, double checking for any injuries. When he was sure there were none, Loki sat down, exhausted.

Small splashing sounds drew his attention and he saw a couple of fish caught in the icy pools Fenrir’s feet had been trapped in. Instantly, Loki fired several icicle darts into the water, spearing the fish. He pulled them out, drew some life essence from one and felt refreshed. He tossed the fish to Fenrir, who gobbled them up. They were small fish, thinner than Loki’s wrist, so unlikely to satisfy Fenrir for long. Loki was about to toss the wolf a few more, when his eyes touched upon the serpent, who was trying and failing to look disinterested in the fish.

Fenrir growled when Loki tossed the last three fish at the serpent. The serpent eyed them warily, but it seemed his hunger won out and he swallowed the first fish quickly. Loki patted Fenrir’s side, a promise that they would get more food soon, and watched the serpents muscles contract and expand, pulling the fish down through its digestive system. It was horrifically fascinating.

Once all the fish had been eaten, Loki got to his feet. He pushed Fenrir onwards, but held back a moment himself. The wolf had clearly learned his lesson, as he stuck to the banks of the river. Loki knelt down near the snake and touched a hand to the patch of ice.

As soon as it had melted enough, the serpent disappeared under the water and swam away, nothing more than a dark blur in the water.

 _You’re welcome,_ Loki thought sadly, before hurrying to catch up with Fenrir.

Later when they were resting, Fenrir’s body curled around Loki and his head in Loki’s lap, Loki awoke to the sound of someone or something in the bushes nearby. He opened in his eyes, and once his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he saw the serpent slither out of the bushes. Fenrir started to growl and shifted as if to get up, but Loki pressed a hand down on his head and made a low growl in his throat. Even though Fenrir was strong enough to do what he wanted, he let Loki hold him down in place.

Loki wasn’t sure what the serpent was doing, but it had clearly followed them, and he didn’t want to scare it off.

Instead, he kept one hand on Fenrir’s head, and placed the other on the snow dusted ground. He tapped his fingers a few times and then left the hand there, pointedly looking in another direction. It seemed like ages had passed before he felt something slightly rough, like bark, brush against his fingers. He resisted the urge to flinch and pull his hand back.

He looked down and saw the serpent’s head on his hand. It started to move forward, winding its way up his arm, hissing gently. Loki briefly wondered if he had made a mistake. Was this how he died? Trusting an ice serpent to crawl up his body.

The serpent’s head rested on Loki’s shoulder and he held his breath. As the serpent wound around his shoulders, tucked under the scarf around Loki’s face and the small fur cover, Loki squeezed his eyes shut.

When the life wasn’t squeezed from him, Loki let out the breath he had been holding and opened his eyes. He looked down and saw Fenrir looking up at him. He huffed loudly into Loki’s lap, shifted his head a little and then closed his eyes to fall back to sleep. Loki meanwhile lifted up the fur to take a look at the serpent. It had nestled tightly (though not too tightly, Loki noted) around his shoulders and chest, just under his collarbones. Being a cold-blooded creature it probably liked Loki’s cold skin. Loki touched the serpent’s head with his fingers, stroking gently a couple of times. The snake hissed, a happy sound this time, and then settled to sleep as well.

Loki didn’t sleep that night. He still wasn’t completely sure he wouldn’t be strangled in the night. But when morning came and he was still alive, he knew the serpent had decided to be with him in the same way Fenrir had.

In the same way he had with the wolf cub, Loki found different sounds to make to train the serpent, who he name Jormungdr. He was able to purse his lips a little to make a sort-of hissing sound, which Jormungdr responded to.

So it was they became a strange little family: the silenced jotun, the dire wolf and the ice serpent. Loki came to view the two as like his children and he marvelled at how they had been brought together. Just when he had wanted companions, life had given him two and he cherished them more than any blood family. The three of them had _chosen_ to be family and to Loki, that was important.

Soon the rumours and tales were told of ‘the Silent Nomad, who tamed a Dire Wolf and hid an ice serpent around his shoulders’.

(Loki would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy those rumours).

~~~~

It was about five months after Jormungdr had joined them ( _fifteen months since Loki had left Thor, but he wasn’t obsessed_ ), they were in the south passing through a snow covered valley. They had been out of contact with any other jotuns, and strangely Loki found he didn’t miss it. Other jotuns gave him weird looks, and always asked why he didn’t talk. They were suspicious and untrusting.

Fenrir and Jormungdr were neither of those things.

The dire wolf had grown a little. He was no longer a cub, though he was still a long way off being a fully grown wolf and towering over Loki. Yet he still stuck to Loki’s side, growling protectively when Loki was threatened and panting happily when he was stroked, petted or scratched behind the ears.

The ice serpent had gotten stronger; Loki could feel it every time Jormungdr curled around his shoulders. Feeding had made the serpent a little fatter, and it hissed and would bite at anyone who tried to touch Loki, but would close its eyes blissfully when Loki stroked the top of his head, or under his chin.

Life was starting to feel good, so Loki should have been expecting something would go wrong but he had been too distracted being happy.

(Later he would curse his foolishness).

They had rested overnight, Jormundgr curled as always around Loki’s shoulders and Fenrir on Loki’s lap. In the morning, craving some privacy, Loki carefully got up, moving Fenrir’s head and laying it back down carefully. Jormungdr had slithered away at some point in the night it seemed, probably to go hunting.

Loki made his way down to the river, splashing his face and drinking some water by trickling some between the gaps in his lips. He had once tried to drink by sticking his entire face under the water but he had almost choked that way. He had never tried that again.

Everything was still and quiet, there was only the sound of water and Loki’s breathing. He was enjoying the solitude and silence, watching the water flow by over his hands, and would happily have drifted off to sleep there. It was his hunter reflexes that saved him.

He heard the footsteps approaching, too light to be jotun. There was no way he’d be able to run and hide, they had probably already seen him. He wondered for a moment if it was Thor, but he knew he’d have heard Thor coming long before it had gotten to this point.

All this meant it was a group of Aesir, and all they would see was a jotun, an enemy.

Loki shifted slightly, enough to look like he was just making himself more comfortable when truthfully he was adjusting so he could stand in an instant. He gathered his magic as he heard an arrow being notched and a sword being drawn.

Everything happened at once. Loki spun and got up, throwing out one hand. An arrow was fired. Twenty Aesir charged. The arrow disintegrated before it hit Loki. The twenty Aesir were frozen in a wall of ice that came up to their necks.

Loki sighed and lowered his hand, as the Aesir shouted and cursed at him. He adjusted his scarf, which had begun to slip slightly and regarded the Aesir. None of them were Thor, or any of his friends. A shame.

One near the front, a large man with a thick blonde beard bellowed louder than the rest.

“Be silent you fools!”

The group fell silent, which told Loki the man was either the leader or the most respected man in the group. (Life had taught Loki that the two things were not mutually exclusive).

“But Lord Tyr, it is a jotun!” one man protested.

“It is a child-“

(Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Why did people always assume his size made him a child?)

“- and clearly a powerful mage. We have been defeated. Let us await our fate with honour.”

This time Loki visibly huffed and rolled his eyes. He had no intention of killing the Aesir. If he wanted that, he would have used more power and a very different spell. He stepped slowly towards the group, noticing the way some of them flinched, and reached up under his fur cover.

“What are…?” the leader, Lord Tyr began to ask. His eyes went wide when he saw Loki pull out a gold coin on a chain.

“That is Prince Thor’s!” shouted one of the men, and suddenly they were all shouting and cursing Loki one more, accusing him of stealing it and touching it with his filthy jotun hands.

Patiently Loki waited for them to stop. Thankfully Lord Tyr seemed to have less patience.

“Be quiet, all of you. Let him speak.”

“What good is letting him speak? He has stolen that from Prince Thor!”

“Do you really think a jotun could take that from a Prince of Asgard?” Lord Tyr asked. “You dishonour our Prince?”

The man fell silent and Lord Tyr turned back to Loki.

“Speak, jotun.”

Loki bristled at the Aesir, frozen in place and at Loki’s mercy, giving him orders. Orders he couldn’t comply with regardless.

“Speak!” Lord Tyr demanded.

Resigned, Loki let Thor’s emblem drop against his chest and lifted his hands to the scarf wound around his face. His eyes never left Lord Tyr’s as he unwound the scarf and revealed the stitched mouth underneath.

When the Aesir voiced their horror and disgust, Loki was ashamed that he did feel upset by it.  He was thankful when Lord Tyr once more told his men to be quiet.

Lord Tyr studied Loki’s face for a moment before he spoke.

“I had heard rumours,” he said, “of a jotun runt that had saved Prince Thor from a deadly blizzard, and had been rewarded with his emblem. I took it to be nothing more than gossip and story-telling amongst warriors. But they spoke of the…stitches. Are you he? Are you…Loki?”

Loki nodded.

“If you release us, I swear that my men will not harm you. On my honour, or may I never sit in the halls of Valhalla.”

For a moment Loki hesitated. He couldn’t be sure that some of the men wouldn’t try to kill him. But this was the first opportunity he had to learn about Thor since they had parted ways. With a wave of his hand the ice shattered, and the Aesir stumbled free. Loki took a step back, hand held up showing he would freeze them again in a moments notice if any of them threatened him. The message appeared to have got across, as the Aesir men all hung back as Lord Tyr stepped forward.

“Thank you,” he said with a bow. “I apologise for attacking you. We thought you might be a jotun spy.”

Loki shook his head and then when he saw Lord Tyr’s eyes follow the movement of his mouth, Loki pulled the scarf back up to cover his face.

“I’m sorry,” Lord Tyr said, realising he had been staring. “I meant no disrespect.”

In response Loki shrugged.

“You should return with us,” Lord Tyr continued. “We could get a message to Prince Thor that you have been found. I’m sure he would wish to speak to you again.”

Loki thought about it. It was true what he had said to Thor when he left: Loki wanted to explore and live a little. But he had done that now, and he had two new companions to show for it, so perhaps it was time to reunite with Thor.

He nodded and then realised he needed to explain Fenrir and Jormungdr before they turned up. He found a large flat rock and lifted it, placing it in Lord Tyr’s hands, grinning behind his scarf at the man’s confused face. Loki trailed a finger across the surface of the rock. As he did, a message was carved into the surface: a crude but effective means of communication.

_I will come with you, but I must bring my friends. They are a dire wolf and an ice serpent, and your men must not attack them. I will not be held responsible for what happens if they do. They will not harm you if I command it._

The men complained when the message was relayed, until Lord Tyr told them men that anyone who didn’t comply would have to personally explain to the Prince why his jotun friend had not been brought back with them.

Nobody objected after that.

Loki was about to thank Lord Tyr when he heard a mighty bellow. He turned in time to see a spear of ice pierce straight through the body of an Aesir.

A group of jotun warriors, about double the number of Aesir, came charging down the hill towards them.

“Take arms!” Lord Tyr roared and he pushed Loki aside when Loki tried to step forward.

Loki had been gathering a spell and had the wind knocked out of him as he was knocked to the floor by a charging Aesir. He could only watch as the first five Aesir were struck down. One jotun fell but the rest fought on. Loki saw as one Aesir’s head was cut clean off, rolling towards Loki, who jumped back in horror. There was no way the Aesir would survive and then Loki would be next…

Then Lord Tyr cried out as his hand was sliced clean off.

Loki was enraged. Lord Tyr, who had trusted a jotun, his sworn enemy, solely on the basis of Thor’s emblem and word, had been hurt defending Loki. Loki got to his feet, nostrils flaring and eyes blazing. He stormed past the fallen Aesir and those still fighting. The jotun warriors paused at the sight of him, and he knew they thought him a child and prisoner of the Aesir.

Before they could even speak, Loki flicked his hands. All the jotuns were flung backwards, sliding up the slope and buried under a mass of snow.

The Aesir all stared at Loki who had hurried to Lord Tyr’s side. The man was clutching the bloodied stump where his hand and wrist once had been.

“You…you saved us,” Lord Tyr gasped, sweat and blood covered his face.

Loki nodded but he knew there was very little time. The force might have dazed the warriors but the snow would not hold them for long, and there might be more coming. He had to get the others away; for Thor.

He grabbed another stone and ran his finger along it, thrusting it into Lord Tyr’s hand.

_I will hold them off. Take your men to safety._

“We will not leave you,” Lord Tyr said.

_I will be fine. You must go. I will conceal you and your tracks from enemy sight. Go, and give Thor a message from me. Tell him I am well and that I plan to return what I have borrowed._

Lord Tyr looked to Loki for a moment and then to his men, the few that were still alive, who were bleeding and holding each other up. His eyes rested upon the dead bodies of his soldiers and his mind seemed to be made up.

“Odin forgive me, I will not see more of my men die today,” Lord Tyr said. “We’ll go, but you must swear you will not be far behind.”

Looking into the man’s eyes, Loki knew if he didn’t swear it, Lord Tyr wouldn’t go. So Loki placed a hand over his heart and bowed his head.

“Good,” Lord Tyr nodded, making Loki look back up. “Everyone, fall back!”

The Aesir began to stumble away. Once they had all passed him, Loki turned and waved a hand across their retreating backs, then at the ground behind them. The bloodied marks faded from the snow and would continue to do so wherever the Aesir walked.

Slowly, Loki turned back around. He could hear grunts and growls as the jotun soldiers began to free themselves from the snow. They stormed down the slope coming to stop a couple of feet away from Loki.

“Where are the Aesir?” the tallest asked. “Speak, child.  Why did you help them?”

Loki craned his neck up and stared at the jotun but didn’t (couldn’t) answer.

“Speak, you insolent little whelp. Why did you lead our enemy so close to Utgard?”

Loki’s eyes widened. They were near Utgard? That hadn’t been his plan. He’d be trying to _avoid_ the place.

“Speak!” roared the jotun, the sound echoing in the valley.

It was a mark of pride that Loki didn’t flinch. Instead, he simply pulled the scarf back down to show his face. He knew the jotun would have heard of him, of his stitches. There was no point trying to hide it. He was going to have to kill them all to escape anyway, what was the harm in letting them see him?

(Loki had never killed another person before; it frightened him how readily he was accepting that he would kill these jotun – his people.)

The jotun leader sneered. “The silenced runtling. Laufey-King had been looking for you. What a boon, to have found you. Helping Aesir scum as well.” He nodded his head at two of the jotuns. “Take him.”

The two jotuns stepped towards Loki, sneering as ice formed around their hands. One reached out to grab him and Loki flared his hand. The jotun was flung backwards into a tree, snapping it in half with the force and staying down, crushed underneath the tree trunk. The second lunged in anger, roaring, and crashed into a rock as he passed through Loki. The real Loki was stood on top of the rock, staring defiantly at the jotuns.

The jotun leader growled. “Take him down,” he said to the others. “Alive, but do not be afraid to hurt him.”

It seemed the jotuns didn’t near any further encouragement. They charged down the remainder of the slope and into the water. Loki was afraid, he had used up so much magic already, defeating and the defending the Aesir and now fighting the jotuns. Even though Mjolnir had given him so much more, he needed to rest or he would exhaust himself again.

As he planned how best to fight or flee, one of the jotuns in the water screamed and fell. The others stopped and peered down at him, as he thrashed around in the water. When he was still, silence descended. Another jotun leaned down to have a look and something sprung out at him. Someone shouted: “Ice Serpent!” and all hell broke loose.

Loki could only watch at the jotuns frantically tried to get away and the ice serpent, which Loki knew had to be Jor. His heart swelled with pride as he watched the serpent take down another jotun, as the others trampled over each other in their haste to escape Jor’s deadly bite. Loki knew, as all jotuns did, that the bite of an ice serpent could kill any creature as it turned the blood in their veins into ice. Even jotuns, creatures born of ice, needed blood to flow through their bodies.

Some of the jotuns had fled but a few were now far enough away from Jor but close enough to Loki that they remembered their purpose. As they approached him he flung them far and wide, panting from the effort. He could feel there wasn’t much magic left but he continued until there were no jotuns nearby.

Loki dropped down from the rock. Jor has disappeared – probably off chasing the fleeing jotuns. Several lay completely still, their limbs frozen in odd positions. Cautiously Loki stepped around. He tried to feel guilty about their deaths, but it was his survival or theirs and self-preservation was still top of Loki’s list.

He was studying the dead bodies so intently he didn’t hear the jotun sneak up behind him until it had grabbed one wrist and wrenched it back, twisting Loki’s arm behind him. His magic seriously depleted, Loki tried to twist free, or at least turn to see his attacker, but his arm was pulled tighter, the muscles straining and the bones creaking. So he stopped, though his free hand scratched at the hand that took hold of his chin and held his head still.

The jotun must have been kneeling because Loki sensed lips right beside his ear. He couldn’t contain his shudder at the breath against his ear when the jotun spoke.

“Your luck just ran out, runtling. Laufey-King wants you back alive, but I think my men deserve some penance. A little blood split should appease their souls and no one will hear you scream, not with those pretty little lips sewn shut.”

Loki tensed when he felt the sharp, cold point of an ice blade press against his back. The jotun was right; no one would hear him…

Fenrir.

Loki made a high-pitched sound in the back of his throat. He felt the jotun flinch and then press the blade a little harder. Loki felt it break the skin, felt blood trail down his back.

“What was that? What did you do?” the jotun hissed.

Loki ignored him and made the sound a second time. The jotun reacted by squeezing Loki’s wrist, almost breaking it.

“Stop that, runtling!”

Whimpering, Loki had no choice but to stop.

“Start moving,” the jotun ordered.

The jotun held onto his wrist but pushed Loki forward, causing him to stumble and pull his arm tight.

“Laufey-King will reward me highly for bringing you back. Everyone has been looking for you since you ran. You know, it’s actually…”

Before Loki could find out what he should know, the jotun was pulled sharply away, letting go of Loki’s wrist so suddenly that his arm was almost wrenched backwards. Loki heard a snarl and turned around to see Fenrir on top of the jotun. Fenrir was mauling and biting while the jotun was trying to fight back. Loki stepped forward and gave a short yip. Fenriri dropped back but growled when the jotun tried to get up.

Loki stared down at him. The jotun coughed, blood spraying everywhere.

“So an ice serpent _and_ a dire wolf? You have been busy, runtling.”

Loki knelt down and placed a hand on the jotun’s forehead. He normally wouldn’t communicate with an enemy like this, it was too intimate. But if he forced his way in, it might take more magic and exhaust him, but it would hurt the jotun too. Loki strangely had no problems with that.

The jotun cried out as Loki forced his voice into his mind.

~ _I have been busy. Busy staying alive. You thought you could take me in? Nobody can take me in. I will got back to Utgard when **I** am ready, not when you or Laufey decides. _

Coughing, the jotun smirked up at Loki.

“I think that decision has been taking quite firmly out of your hands runtling. You are less than a day’s walk from Utgard…well a day for a fully sized jotun anyway…”

Loki forced his voice back into the jotun’s mind.

~ _Be silent._

The jotun flinched but didn’t argue.

~ _Which way is it to Utagrd?_

The jotun lifted a hand and pointed. “Go over the mountain and you will see it. Then just…walk towards it.”

Loki pulled his hand back and looked up at the mountain slope the jotuns had come down. So he was this close to Utgard. How had that happened? He thought he had been so careful.

“Does it shock you runtling? To know you are so close? Where is your bravado now? Go back when you choose? You never had a chance. You will return to Utgard and Laufey-King will kill you and take whatever strange power you have. And then he will fight the Aesir and beat them all. He will kill the All-father and his Queen, and keep his son Prince Thor as a prize, nay a slave, or maybe a pet, and he will…”

Loki saw red. He gave a sharp low bark and Fenrir’s teeth closed around the jotun’s neck. The jotun’s eyes widened as Loki leaned down and put a hand on his forehead.

~ _I will return, and Laufey-King will see only the runtling, as you have. And he will think he can defeat me too. That is where my ‘bravado’ comes from – he will underestimate me, as you did, and I will use that to my advantage and I will make him regret treating me as a ‘runtling’._

As he pulled his hand away, the jotun’s eyes staring up at him, Fenrir’s jaws closed and he pulled the head away. Blood pooled and spurted onto the ground. The jotun’s head hung from Fenrir’s jaws. Loki watched it swung, the dead, vacant eyes staring at him. The horror of what had happened washed over him. He shuffled forwards and buried his hands and face in Fenrir’s fur. He could smell blood, could feel it on his skin and loin-cloth. He heard a thump and then Fenrir panting, and he knew that the head was on the floor. He pulled away and looked around him.

Fenrir’s grey fur around his head and neck was stained with blood, his mouth lined with drool and what looked like fragments of skin. There were several dead jotuns and Aesir around, the ground stained with drying blood. Loki’s hands were shaking now that he was alone, all the death around him. He didn’t want this, to kill his people, even if they didn’t regard him as being worthwhile. A few tears started to flow. Fenrir nudged him with his snout and Loki hastily wiped away the tears.

At this point Jormungdr had slithered back and wrapped himself around Loki’s waist.

The three of them sat patiently as Loki pondered what to do next.

They were so close to Utagrd, when Loki’s intention had been to stay as far away as possible. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but the branches of Yggdrasil were clearly set on Loki being in Utgard, with or without Farbauti. He could try and walk away now, but Loki knew that eventually fate would bring him back to Utgard and Laufey.

Well, if that was the case Loki was going to do it on his terms.

Standing quickly, he patted Jormungdr and Fenrir’s heads. Both were frightening enough normally, but covered in blood as they were, they looked utterly terrifying. Loki wondered how he must look as well, when the idea came to him.

Moving quickly, because he realised he needed to get away from this area in case any other patrols came by, he knelt beside a few jotuns and began to absorb their life energy. There was very little left in them, they had fought so fiercely for their lives and Loki needed much to replenish not only his energy but also his magics. Each jotun had a little bit of magic inside them too, which Loki absorbed as well.

He got up and ignored Fenrir and Jor as they feasted on the dead. They might have been his enemies, but Loki didn’t want to watch. Instead, he picked up the jotun’s severed head and wrapped a strip of fabric underneath the chin, then looping the strip through his belt and knotting it. He did the same with a Aesir head he found.

It felt weird and a little bit wrong to have the heads hanging there. Loki worried what Thor might think if he saw him like this, and then that made Loki think of Thor…

No, he had to concentrate. He needed to walk into Utgard without any doubts.

He gave a low whistle sound, then adjusted the scarf around his face. Jormungdr slithered up his body to wrap around Loki’s shoulders, his head perched on the thick fur there. Fenrir stepped up beside Loki and nudged his hand.

 _Utgard, prepare yourself_.

~~~~

At the top of the mountain slope Loki could see Utgard in the distance, and he again wondered how he had got so close without realising. Knowing there wasn’t time to dwell on it, he walked on.

The jotun had not been lying. It took Loki, half the size of a fully grown jotun, just over a day to reach the outskirts of Utgard. As he walked through the outlying towns, Fenrir by his side and Jor hissing on his shoulder, Loki could see the jotuns flinch, point and whisper to each other. He heard the words ‘Silent Nomad’ a few times and smirked to himself, but kept his eyes focussed forwards.

Presently some guards approached him, ice blades already formed. Their eyes flicked to the severed heads and to Fenrir, before they focussed on Loki and spoke.

“What business do you have hear child? Speak quickly.”

Loki didn’t answer (because he couldn’t of course, not that they knew that). He didn’t stop either and when the guards told him to stop and moved to make him, they found themselves turning around and standing aside, confused.

(It was a simple enough spell – there was an aura around Loki that made anyone who approached him, decide to simply turn around and leave him be.)

He continued like that right up to the doors that led into the Hall of Kings. Beyond the doors was Laufey.

Loki took a deep breath and with a wave of his hands the doors swung open and Loki stormed in.

The crowd inside all turned and gasped as he entered. Fenrir growled as he followed Loki down the centre of the hall, again guards turning away when they approached; whether they were too frightened or wanted to see what would happen, Loki couldn’t be sure, and truthfully he didn’t care. He only had eyes on the raised throne, upon which sat an incredibly imposing jotun.

(Loki almost, _almost,_ wished Farbauti was with him. Almost.)

“What is the meaning of this?” cried a jotun who was standing at the bottom of the steps leading up to the throne. “Guards, seize this child at once!”

“We cannot!” cried one guard.

“What do you mean you bumbling iditots? He is a child, take him now!”

“Wait.” Laufey said, his voice calm, deeper and more rumbling than anything Loki had ever heard before.  “Approach, child and tell me what business you have here, that you would disturb my court.”

Loki stepped closer and pulled up the two heads. He tossed them so that they rolled and came to stop at the base of the throne, their dead eyes staring up at Laufey. The crowd gasped once more at the sight.

“A worthy offering,” Laufey said, with a hint of amusement. “Speak then.”

Loki shook his head and lowered the scarf slowly.

That got the biggest gasp of all.

Laufey’s smirk faded at the sight of Loki’s stitched lips. “The runtling…” he hissed.

Before he could utter another words, Loki flung out one hand. The icicle dart he had formed between his fingers cut through the air and stopped just as the point touched Laufey’s throat.

Nobody moved.

“So you have finally come to take the throne from me?” Laufey laughed, even though the movement caused his throat to bob enough to cut it and bleed. “Come to fulfil Farbauti’s mad wishes. My men found the grave marker. Did you kill the old fool yourself?  That would be a cruel fate, to save the runtling, only to have it kill you.”

Loki flexed the fingers on his outstretched hand and the point pressed a little more into Laufey’s neck.

“…What do you want? I would ask you to speak but clearly that is not an option.”

The crowd laughed nervously.

In response, Loki held out his other hand and clicked his fingers in the direction of the jotun at the base of the throne stairs, holding a piece of parchment. There was a spark on the parchment. The jotun looked down and his eyes widened.

“…Laufey-King?” the jotun said.

“What is it Ragnar?”

“There…there are words appearing on the parchment.”

“Well then, fool, read them out!”

The jotun flinched and the lifted the parchment higher to read it.

“ _All I want is what is owed me.”_

“What is owed you?”

“ _Yes. Whether you like it or not I am, your son and a Prince of Jotunheim.”_

The crowd murmured and Loki glanced around. Was that not common knowledge? Oh well, that was Laufey’s problem, not Loki’s.

“So you make a claim to the throne?” Laufey said, no sign that the revelation of Loki’s heritage  had affected him at all.

“ _No, I have no interest in the throne. But I do have an interest in a better life. I have been living on the run for many years now, and I grow weary of it.”_

“I can only imagine,” Laufey said wryly.

“ _So here is my proposal. You give me rooms here in the Ice Palace, give me the life I am owed, and in return…”_

Laufey leaned forward slightly. “Yes?”

(It was so much easier to lie when you couldn’t actually speak, when people couldn’t hear a tone or inflection that might give you away.”

_“…In return, once I am satisfied I have been repaid for my abandonment and cruelty, my magics will be yours to command.”_

At that a hush settled over the room. Loki was clearly powerful, and Laufey would be a fool to let him go.

After much silent deliberation, Laufey nodded.

“Very well, it is a deal. _Prince_ Loki…”

~~~~

 Loki was given chambers in the Ice Palace, in a far corner which suited him fine. There was a courtyard for Fenrir (it wasn’t considered safe for him indoors) with a pool for Jormungdr. Over the months, as he got used to life in Utgard, he began to accumulate belongings: furniture, books, rugs and other things. His chambers began to feel like he truly belonged there.

He had taken to wearing more regal clothing – finer fur and thick leather on his shoulders , softer leather around his waist and hanging down to the floor. He wore a little more gold now, though nowhere near as much as other jotuns in the Ice Palace. Most strikingly of all, Loki had discarded the tatty scarf and he had replaced it with intricately designed silk veils that looped over his ears and under his hair.

(He didn’t wear them to hide his scars, everyone knew who he was now – it was mostly to stop the staring)

Other things had changed too. Loki was now never alone. There were two guards with him at all times (Thrain and Valgard were their names) and an attendant called Hrod was at his side almost every minute of the day. He was a very plump, slightly small (though no runtling) jotun who very rarely shut up, which (Loki suspected) was the reason he was serving Loki.

Over time, Loki heard word that the war between the Aesir and Jotuns was coming to an end. There hadn’t been a peaceful agreement, the Aesir had just started to leave, and the Jotuns had let them. Apparently there were still some Aesir troops that hadn’t got the message and were still travelling or fighting in Jotunheim. Loki found himself hoping, wishing, that Thor was one of those still on Jotunheim, if only so they could meet once more.

He waited patiently for any news on Thor.

When it came, Loki would wish it hadn’t.

~~~~

Even though Loki did not want the throne, and therefore had no need to attend official business, he made a point of attending because he was genuinely curious about affairs on Jotunheim, and he knew it would look good for him to be there. Still he couldn’t help but drift off sometimes when the speakers were droning on and on about ice flows and trees. It seemed to be all that was every discussed in court.

On this particular day, Loki’s mind had once again wandered as the jotun spoke of two jotun chiefs who had disagreed over ownership of some part of a forest. Loki was so distracted it was only when the word ‘Asgard’ was spoken that he sat up suddenly.

A new jotun was speaking.

“…comes directly from the All-father. He says that the Watcher has lost sight of Prince Thor in the Northern province of Jotunheim. He is missing or presumed dead.”

Loki’s heart broke.

It couldn’t be. Thor missing or dead. No, no, no. He was so wrapped up in his grief, the thought that he might never see or hear Thor again, never get a chance to tell him…

Laufey’s laughter broke through Loki’s thoughts.

“So Odin’s pride and joy is dead. Serves the arrogant fool for sending a boy. That is good news indeed. Puts me in the mood for a celebration?!” He laughed more, and the whole court laughed with him.

Loki didn’t and it took an incredibly amount of will-power not to rage and burn the whole of Utgard to the ground.

(The only reason he didn’t, was that Loki had bigger plans than that, and he wasn’t going to waste it, despite his grief.)

Once the court was dismissed, Loki hurried from the hall, his guards right behind him. He was so consumed with thoughts of Thor that he didn’t hear the footsteps running after him until it was too late.

A large hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around as a second hand took hold of his neck and slammed his back against a wall.

Helblindi looked down at him.

“Hello ‘Big’ brother,” he sneered.

Helblindi wasn’t very bright or witty in Loki’s opinion. Calling his older and yet smaller brother ‘Big’ was his idea of a joke. The eldest of Laufey’s second marriage to a jotun named Nal.

“You left in quite a hurry,” Helblindi said. “Is something wrong? You look upset. Doesn’t he look upset Byleistr?”

Loki looked around Helblindi. Byleistr, the other brother, was hanging back. He wasn’t as cruel as Helblindi, but he never stopped the cruelty either.

(The guards were no help either, but Loki had realised quite quickly that the guards were there to assure and protect everyone else from Loki, and not the other way around.)

“He does…” Bylesitr said, though he sounded unsure where his brother was going with this.

“It’s almost like he heard some bad news today in that meeting, and yet I swear the only time I saw him paying attention was when they were talking about Asgard. Care to explain that, brother?” Helblindi said, squeezing Loki’s neck a little bit.

Loki pressed a palm flat against the wall and writing appeared above his head.

~ _How can I explain if you squeeze my neck so tight, Little Brother?_

Helblindi laughed. “Oh very witty, Loki, very witty. Shall we see how witty you are when I tell Laufey-King of the tears you shed for the lost Prince of Asgard?”

Loki stared up into Helblindi’s face.

“Did you meet him on your travels in the wild? Did you save your skin by whoring yourself out to him? I hear the Aesir like to touch jotun children. You must have appeared like a child to them. Did he take his pleasure of you? Did you love every minute of it? Spreading your legs for the Aesir pig like a common whore. You must have…”

“Helblindi. Is that any way to treat your brother?” asked a deep voice. Laufey’s voice.

Both Loki and Helblindi turned their heads to see Laufey standing in the corridor, Bylesitr cowering beside him.

“No father, it isn’t,” Helblindi said.

Then he tossed Loki at his father’s feet.

And in that moment, things got even worse.

When Loki stood up and looked up at Laufey, there was shock on the jotun’s face, his eyes draw down to Loki’s chest. Loki followed the gaze down and saw to his horror that Thor’s talisman had come loose from where it had been tucked under Loki’s fur shrug. Before he could hide it, Laufey had grabbed hold of it and yanked it from Loki. He held it up to the light.

“This is the symbol of Thor Odinson, son of Asgard. Why do you have it?”

Loki stared at it.

Without warning Laufey backhanded him. Loki crashed into the wall and crumpled to the ground.

“It seems you were busy out in the wilds,” Laufey said. “A pity the Odinson is dead. I would like to have killed him right in front of you.”

He knelt down beside Loki so he could speak directly into his ear.

“You are only still alive right now because you will one day be useful to me. As soon as that ends, so do you,” he said.

As Laufey stood back up, all of Loki’s grief and rage hurtled out of him. Loki vanished, transporting himself from the corridor to his chambers, in a small explosion. The echoing boom and screams and bellows followed him all the way to his rooms.

Loki couldn’t bring himself to care.

He dropped down from the balcony in his room into the courtyard. Fenrir came out from his shelter as Loki dropped beside the poolside. Jormungdr poked his head out of the water and slithered closer. The two of them gathered close to Loki as he wept. They might not have understood why he was crying, but they stayed with him until the tears had stopped.

There Loki lay, staring up at the stars, with Fenrir and Jormungdr sleeping beside him. And it was there Loki came to a decision.

He was going to get revenger by destroying down Laufey and his line, in Thor’s name, if it was the last thing he did.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update that didn't take over two months to upload? Say it isn't so!!! I'm back in the mood for writing and despite trying to write my own novel and edit another, I managed to get this one out. Enjoy!
> 
> Also, I hate trying to spell Byleistr. I've noticed I got it wrong a few times in the last chapter. Gah!
> 
> Also, also look who's back! :D

It was hard at first, knowing that Thor was dead, to go on, and for a few days Loki had languished in bed and refused to see or ‘speak’ to anyone. It was only a gentle nip from Jormungdr and some sad lonely whimpering from Fenrir that encouraged Loki to leave the confines of his rooms. The two creatures were allowed to come and go from their large courtyard as often as they pleased (Loki had secured that arrangement for them and who was going to argue with him, with a dire wolf and ice serpent to back him up?) but since Loki had fallen into his depression, the two creatures had not left him. It was this knowledge that led Loki to write a note and leave Utgard with his friends.

The fresh air and distance did him a world of good and Loki returned determined to not let Thor’s death mean nothing.

In the years following that terrible news, Loki waited patiently. It wouldn’t do to try and ruin Laufey right away. Better to bide his time, play the apologetic and duitiful son, so that when he did enact his revenge, it was all the more ruinous.

Loki came to learn during that time that Jotunheim was not the desolate place the rest of the universe thought it was. There would be a mild couple of months followed by some heavy snow, and yet, whatever the weather, life on Jotunheim continued on regardless. He admired the determined spirit of his people, even if he didn't like their King.

Three years after he had heard of Thor’s passing ( _four years and seven months since Loki had last laid eyes on Thor – Loki couldn’t stop himself keeping count now),_ Loki had risen early and headed into the markets of Utgard, his minders in tow. He had left early as he knew from past experience that today Laufey would look for him and instruct him on how to behave. Today was a very important day in the jotun calendar, and despite Loki not having messed up once, Laufey felt the need to remind Loki how a Prince of Jotunheim should act.

Today saw the start of the Ice King’s Tournament.

Loki had seen his first tournament a little after he recovered from the news of Thor’s death. As a member of the Royal Family he was required to attend every year. And every year he had hated it. An endless parade of death just served to remind him of what, who, he had lost.

No, this year, Loki would attend but he would not listen to Laufey’s lectures. He wandered the streets, a dark blue veil on the lower half of his face. Over the years the jotuns had got used to the sight of him, and though they still avoided him, it was more to his position and power than his lips. Out of sight, mostly out of mind it seemed.

He perused the stalls, buying a few little trinkets here and there. He stopped by a cake stall and bought sweetened sap-buns for the two guards.

(He figured it was best to make the guards like him as much as possible – they were probably being punished by serving him, so why not get them on-side a little more?)

As relaxed on a stone bench and watching the world go by he heard the giggling of children. He looked over his shoulder and saw a small group of jotun children peering around a wall at him.

Loki liked children; they regarded him with curiosity, rather than fear or hatred.

He pretended not to notice them and wiggled his fingers, gathering up some water on the floor from a small puddle. He formed little figures which began to dance and leap around each other. The children hurried forward to watch, at which point the water people merged into a little water dragon. It roared, breathed out water ‘fire’ and spread its wings. It began to fly around the jotun children, who cried with delight and tried to catch it.

A few adults had gathered nearby to watch and Loki saw them smile at his antics with the children. It was nice to have moments like that, where people were happy with his presence. It was such a rare occurrence that he couldn’t help but enjoy it, however briefly.

The moment was cut short when a horn sounded somewhere. The children got up and ran off, the adults following close behind. The water dragon splash-landed onto the ground.

Loki turned to Hrod and raised an eyebrow.

“Ah, that will be the Parade, my Prince. They bring the competitors through the streets so that those who cannot attend the fights can see them.”

 _That_ was interesting news. Loki wouldn’t mind seeing the competitors before his brothers. Not that he was going to choose one to sponsor, but to know before them was too good an opportunity to miss.

He hurried along, letting Hrod lead the way. The came to a wide street, densely lined with crowds. Hrod pushed his way through and led Loki towards a set of stairs. He ordered the jotuns there to ‘make way for the Prince’ and took Loki up to a balcony that overlooked the street. From here Loki could see all the way up and down the street. There were large cages being pulled along by big, hairy cattle, flanked by jotuns.

After witnessing two tournaments, Loki was under no delusions about the Ice King’s Tournament. The competitors were not volunteers; they were slaves, prisoners and convicts. It was a fight to the death, with only one victor: a chance for competitors to earn their freedom. If they lived.

The cages started to trundle by. They were of varying sizes, containing a variety of creatures from across the Nine Realms. There was a fire demon in an incredibly large cage, which wobbled as the demon thrashed about. The crowd gasped and shrieked at it did, until the jotun minders poked at it with ice spears. There was a loud hiss. The demon wailed and then fell silent.

There were some dark elves too, and many jotuns, and even a couple of dwarves. Much the same as every year. The fire demon was the only surprise. Loki was sure Helblindi would bet on the demon. He always went for the biggest competitor, as though size meant victory.

Loki was about to move off, to head back to the Ice Palace to change, when booing and muttering further down the crowd made him stop. The last cage was approaching. It was the same size as one used for the elves but they had all been grouped together. Then Loki heard what the jotuns were muttering, even over the loud booing.

_Aesir._

As the cage drew closer, Loki leant forward to get a better look. He had met several Aesir, and he didn’t know whether he prayed it was one of them or not. Could it be Lord Tyr? Or perhaps one of the Warriors Three? Maybe Lady Sif?

_(Was he trying to convince himself that he wasn’t praying it was Thor? Probably.)_

The cage passed by and Loki stared down at it, at the Aesir and his eyes went wide.

The man stared out at the crowds defiantly. He was bloodied and dirtied, but Loki could see the pride and lack of fear. He could see the honour and the unwillingness to bend.

He could see Thor.

Loki felt like his heart had stopped. Even if he had been able to speak, he wasn’t sure he would have in that moment.

Thor was alive and he was in Utgard.

As the cage continued to follow the rest of the Parade up the street, Loki felt the sinking realisation hit him. Thor was going to be made to compete in the Ice King’s Tournament. He was back from the dead only to be heading towards it once more.

Well, not if Loki has anything to do about it.

Once the crowd had dispersed and the cages long gone from his sights, Loki hurried back to the Palace, Hrod and his guards keeping close. Hrod kept asking if Loki was well, but Loki waved him off. There was no time. He had to get dressed and be at the Competitor Gathering. He had to rescue Thor.

Loki was so focussed on this thought that he strode into his chambers and failed to notice Laufey standing in the centre of the room until he had almost walked right into him. He jumped back as Laufey scowled down at him.

“Loki. Where have you been?” Laufey asked.

“Forgive us, Laufey-King,” Hrod spoke up quickly. “Loki-Prince was out viewing the Parade.”

Laufey looked surprised. “Really? Planning on sponsoring one this year and thought you’d get a head-start on your brothers? That is very sneaky – I like it. You may yet impress me Loki.”

Loki played the role he needed to and bowed his head.

“Now hurry and get dressed. Do not be late.”

With those final instructions issued, Laufey left. It was only after a few moments that he realised Laufey hadn’t lectured him this time on how he should dress and act today. Was it a sign that Laufey was starting to trust him? Or had he just been caught off-guard by Loki’s morning antics?

No, there wasn’t time to dwell on that. There was only time for Thor.

Loki dismissed Hrod and the others as he went into his room to change. He stripped out of his clothes, moving around the room swiftly. He put on some undergarments, and then chose a long loin-cloth made of the softest reddish-brown leather. Around his shoulders he put a fur pelt shrug (a snow fox fur, as Loki refused to wear anything from a dire wolf) and attached a thick dark-green woollen cape underneath it. On his ankles and wrists he slipped on golden bangles and beaded strings, a few rings on his fingers and some golden hoops on his ears.

(If he had Thor’s pendant, he would have proudly worn it now, but Laufey still had it and Loki was sure he would never see it again, much to his sadness).

Finally, Loki picked up a dark-green veil, with his symbol sewn onto it in gold. As a son of Laufey his symbol should have been the Royal one. However, Loki had opted for something else, and so his symbol was a dire wolf head encircled in a curling serpent.

(And as a little secret nod to Thor, there was a tiny lightning bolt sewn on the inside, right over Loki’s lips).

Dressed in a manner fitting of his station, and most likely to please Laufey, Loki made his way from his chambers to the coliseum. He was escorted not just by Hrod and his two guards, but also by a number of Laufey’s soldiers. It was for his ‘protection’ as there were lots of jotuns and visitors from other realms heading towards the coliseum and Laufey did not want Loki to be amongst them unescorted.

The coliseum was a massive rock and ice structure at the back of Utgard, almost completely surrounded by a mountain range. It could seat almost all of Utgard and any guests that came to watch. It was a marvel of jotun architecture and even though Loki had no love for the Ice King’s Tournament, he did love coming to the coliseum. The sheer size and history of it filled him with awe every single time.

He was led up some spiral stairs to the Royal Box, where Helblindi and Byleistr were waiting, also dressed in fine leathers, furs and gold.

“So good of you to join us, Big Brother,” Helblindi said, taking his seat to the right of where Laufey would sit. “It wouldn’t do well for you to arrive after Laufey-King, would it?”

Loki’s growl was the only response Helblindi got as Loki took his seat, beside Byleistr on the left side of Laufey’s seat. Hrod stood just behind him but Loki blocked him out, blocked everything out as he looked out into the coliseum.  The Royal box was a curved, raised balcony high above everything else, giving Loki a great view of everything.

The coliseum was mostly full now, though there were still some jotuns arriving. They would close the gates shortly – no one arrived after Laufey-King. There was no sign of the competitors yet; they would be brought out a little later. Loki wondered how Thor was coping. He wished he’d had an opportunity to speak to him beforehand, to reassure him…

The moments ticked by and, just as Loki was wondering how much longer it would take, drums started to pound somewhere. Everyone stood, Loki and his ‘brothers’ included and shortly Laufey stepped into the Royal box.

Laufey was in full regalia: thick fur cloak and gold and very little else. Even without a crown, there was no doubt – Laufey was the Ice King.

As Laufey walked forwards to his seat, Loki bowed. He still had no love or respect for Laufey, or any of them, but he had a part to play, a part that Thor was now depending on. Just because Thor was alive, it didn’t change Loki’s desire for revenge. All it meant was that his plans needed to alter slightly, but Loki was an adaptable creature.

The crowd cheered and clapped, and Laufey stood in front of his seat, nodding at his people but otherwise looking impassive. When he finally made a gesture, the crowds were silenced. Loki took his seat, as did everyone else. After pausing for effect, Laufey spoke, his voice magically echoing around the coliseum.

Loki zoned it out. He had heard this speech before: about how the first Ice King had been a great a powerful King, who had come up with the genius idea of making criminals and prisoners compete in a yearly competition. The winner would earn their freedom, the rest would die honourably and be forgiven in death. This was the greatest competition in the Nine Realms and all the competitors should feel proud to fight in the name of the Ice King.

There was another massive cheer and then Laufey was calling for the competitors to be brought out.

Loki had to concentrate not to lean forward or show any signs of eagerness as large wooden gates opened in the left and right coliseum walls. Competitors were led out on chains by their jotun owners. Some, like the massive fire demon, had several soldiers holding onto the chains. They were put into rows facing the Royal box and chained to thick iron rings buried deep into the ground.  The fire demon was put at the start of one row, right in the corner. Beside Loki, Byleistr gasped at something, but Loki didn’t have time to wonder or ask why because Thor was being led out.

The crowd started booing at the sight of the only Aesir competitor, and Loki knew if they had been allowed to, some might have even thrown things at him. As Thor was led to the very front Loki felt like all sound had been drained from the world. All he could hear was his own heartbeat. He was breathing heavily through his nose, trying to keep calm and not just jump over the balcony and run down to Thor.

Once all the competitors were lined up, a large jotun turned to face the Royal box. He was the Tournament Master

“The competitors are ready. Now begins the call for sponsors,” the jotun called.

Laufey, as the King, had the right to be the first to sponsor a competitor. However, as the Ice-King, it was considered wrong for him to pick a competitor – he was meant to be an impartial judge. As was customary, Laufey shook his head at the Tournament Master.

Helblindi was next. Though he was the future Ice-King and so wouldn’t be allowed to sponsor any competitors, as the Crown Prince he was able to and every year he made sure to take full advantage while he still could. Just as Loki had predicted, Helblindi picked the fire demon. Loki had noticed over the years that Helblindi always went for the most physically intimidating competitor. A dark blue standard, bearing the Royal symbol and Helblindi’s name was carried over and placed beside the fire demon.

Byleistr, as the second son, went next. Loki felt his brother tense and then he called out, “Thrym!”

Loki heard Laufey growl at that, and it wasn’t hard to imagine why. As Byleistr’s standard was brought out (again, dark blue, Royal symbol but with Byleistr’s name), the crowd muttered all around. Thrym had been a high-ranking General in Laufey’s army, but was accused of treason and imprisoned. Loki rather suspected, based on a few conversations with Byleistr, that Thrym was no traitor, but Laufey had caught wind of the affair between Byleistr and Thrym, and was punishing Thrym for touching his son.

(Loki almost felt bad for Byleistr. Truthfully, he wasn’t a bad brother, and any other year, Loki would have been rooting for him and Thrym).

In the next moment, the Tournament Master was calling to Loki, to ask him if he wished to sponsor anyone. Every previous year, Loki had declined by shaking his head.

This year he raised a hand.

His standard, dark green and bearing his own made symbol, appeared suddenly behind Thor.

Silence descended across the coliseum. If things had been tense before, they were worse now.

(Though it seemed to Loki that Byleistr had relaxed a little. He was probably relieved that Loki had taken away any attention that had been directed towards him).

For a few heartbeats, Loki thought Laufey might rise up and kill him.

He didn’t expect the King to start laughing.

Laufey turned in his seat and leaned towards Loki and Byleistr. “Well, well. Our quiet little Prince decided to join in the festivities this year? And you picked the Aesir…Of course you did. He probably reminds you of the Odinson. Traitorous whelps, the pair of you. Fine, have your little pets. Play with them, care for them, do what you wish. But they will fight and you will watch as they are destroyed.”

He then leaned the other way and whispered something to Helblindi, who laughed.

The crowd was still muttering, angry and confused, so Laufey got to his feet.

“Is this not a historic occasion?” Laufey spoke as the crowd fell silent to listen. “All three Princes have picked their competitors, and they couldn’t be any more different. I think we are in for the greatest Tournament Jotunheim has ever seen!”

Bolstered by their King’s speech, the crowd cheered and chanted. Laufey sat back down as the Tournament Master called for sponsors from the noble houses and honoured guests from the other realms.

Loki heard none of it. His eyes were focused solely on Thor. In all the commotion, Thor hadn’t moved. It was a relief to Loki that nobody else seemed to realised who Thor really was. That would give them an advantage.

There was a long and fraught road ahead of them, and the first step would be them reuniting. Suddenly Loki was very nervous. He hadn’t seen Thor in over four years; how would Thor react? There was so much to do and explain. As the rest of the sponsoring dragged on, Loki did what he did best.

Loki planned.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited! :D
> 
> Can you spot the stolen bit of Avenger's dialogue as well? Haha!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos mucho appreciated!

The sponsoring went on for several more hours. The noble families and emissaries from the other realms (with the exceptions of Asgard and Midgard of course) were able to sponsor competitors. Then the general public were able to try and sponsor someone, mostly families who had saved up for months to try and pay for a family member convicted of a crime. There was lots of fighting and arguing involved, and was considered part of the ‘entertainment’ for the richer spectators.

Despite all the shouting and fighting going on around, Thor made no sign of reacting. If Loki hadn’t been intently watching the rise and fall of his chest, he would have wondered if Thor had died standing up.

At some point Hrod leaned forward, and Loki tried not to flinch to much as he felt the wet breath against his ear.

“Are you quite sure about this, my Prince?”

Loki flicked a finger and he knew without turning around that Hrod was looking down at the stone tablet that he carried around. They had found this to be the best means for Loki to communicate with his manservant. Hrod had gotten into the habit of reading aloud what Loki had written, so it was almost like a complete conversation, just all spoken by Hrod.

~ _Very sure, Hrod. I trust you will make arrangements for the Aesir to be brought to my chambers?_

“Of course, my Prince.”

Hrod moved away, just as the Tournament Master called the Competitor Gathering closed. The slaves were then led away and Loki had to concentrate hard on not showing any emotion as Thor was pulled away by his current jotun owners. They would be together soon…

First, though, Loki was required to attend the after-party. It was a small affair amongst the rich and was compulsory for all three Princes. Usually Loki was forced to endure listening to people comment about his size, his mouth, his father, while pretending they weren’t. Thankfully it seemed this year the conversations were mostly dominated by the choices the three Princes had made for their competitors.

Loki was sitting with a couple of dark elves, a dwarf and some jotuns who, while he wouldn’t call them friends, he had grown a little close to.

(He had gotten to know a few jotuns from the noble families, sons and daughters who hadn’t managed to make friends with Helblindi or Byleisty, and so had settled for Loki).

“I must say, Prince Loki, we are not sure who amongst you is the most daring: Prince Helblindi for picking the fire demon, possibly the second greatest enemy to the jotuns; Prince Byleistr blinded by love, picking the traitor General; or you, picking the first greatest enemy to the jotuns. It promises to be quite the Tournament!” One of the dark elves laughed.

“You must tell us, your Highness, why did you pick the Aesir?” One of the jotuns asked.

The table all turned to look at him, and Loki was never more thankful for his veil. It helped keep his expressions more neutral.

He tapped his fingers on the table, glowing green words forming as he did.

~ _Because I am the most daring of my brothers._

The table laughed.

~ _Truthfully though, I encountered a few Aesir on my travels and they were so fun to play with, how could I pass up the opportunity to keep one myself?_

Judging from the looks Loki was getting, the crowd was suitably pleased with his sinister intentions.

~ _And it really couldn’t be more perfect, could it? If I lose, I get to see the Aesir die. If I win, I’ll have beaten my brothers._

“And what of the Aesir? What if he wins and gains his freedom?”

~ _Freedom is life’s great lie. I will make him realise this and, once all is said and done, his ‘freedom’ will lead straight back to me._

The group all smiled and cheered, and though Loki looked pleased with himself, inside he felt disgusted. He just wanted to see Thor, but the party went on so late that he had to arrange for Thor to brought to him the next morning. When he finally got to bed he crashed and his dreams were full of Thor helping him take down Laufey…

~~~~

Loki was pacing his room as he waited for Thor to arrive. He would never admit to have spent all morning picking out what he was wearing, nor that he had been up at first light and had been pacing ever since.

When there was a knock at his bedroom door, Loki nearly exploded with relief and excitement, and it took every ounce of restraint for him to walk to the door and open it slowly. He hoped he school his expression into one of indifference as he faced Hrod.

“The slavers are here, my Prince.”

Loki nodded and stepped through the doorway. He followed Hrod through the small joining room and his sitting room, to his receiving room. A breath caught in his throat at the sight of Thor, kneeling and hunched over, his face obscured by his unkempt blonde hair. Closer now, Loki could see Thor’s clothes were torn and tattered. How he had survived the colds of Jotunheim dressed like that, Loki couldn’t fathom. He could also see the manacles on his wrists and ankles, connected by chains, and he was sure there was one leading to his neck too. They were all connected to a heavy metal ball that rested in front of Thor. There was a jotun on either side of him and another one stood a little in front. They all bowed as Loki approached and the one at the front spoke up.

“Your Highness, we are deeply honoured that you, of all people, chose to take on the Aesir brute. He has been a…temperamental addition to my stock but, if the rumours are to be believed, then you are the one who can finally break him. I look forward to seeing him in action.”

He smirked as Loki nodded and then clicked his fingers. Hrod stepped forward and handed over a large pouch which jangled heavily. The jotun bowed and without another word, left, followed by his two assistants.

Loki was almost alone with Thor and he was desperate to reach out and touch him. But first he had to get rid of Hrod and his two guards.

He flicked his fingers.

~ _Leave us._

Hrod looked flustered. “Is that wise, my Prince?”

~ _Do you doubt my powers, Hrod?_

“No, my Prince, of course not. I was merely suggesting that…”

~ _If I want your suggestions Hrod, I will ask for them. Now, leave._

“I really must insist that we stay, my Prince. Laufey-King would not…”

Loki turned and tossed a large gemstone he had summoned up at each guard. They caught them without fail. Words flashed on the wall beside them.

~ _Remove him. Let no one else enter until I summon you._

“At once, your Highness,” the two guards said in unison.

They reached forward and each took hold of Hrod’s arms. Though he protested, they dragged him out, slamming the door behind them. Loki might have issues with being guarded all the time, but Thrain and Valgard were proving to be value assets.

He waved a hand, locking the doors with his magic and then turned his attention back to Thor, who had not moved at all. Silence descended on the room and Loki was impressed that Thor had not once attempted to look up and see who his new master was. It had to be stubbornness, since Thor was unlikely to feel anything but hatred towards his jotun captors.

Loki had thought about nothing but this moment since he had first laid eyes on Thor during the Parade, but now that Thor was here, he didn’t know what to do. If he had still had Thor’s pendant, he would have dangled that in front of Thor and waited for the reaction. He couldn’t speak out loud, reveal it was him, and though he could have touched Thor and spoken to him that way, he wasn’t sure how Thor would react to being touched so unexpectedly.

So he did the only thing he could do. He stood there, silently staring down at the top of Thor’s head. He knew Thor could see his blue feet and ankles, and after a while Thor shifted, from physical discomfort or the silence, Loki couldn’t be sure. Still Thor would not look up.

Definitely stubbornness.

Very carefully, Loki reached up and untied the back of his veil. He unhooked it from his ears and let it fall to his feet.

Thor shifted once more, and Loki knew he must be dying to look up now. He waited and sure enough, Thor started to uncurl. He watched as Thor’s head slowly lifted, eyes trailing up Loki’s body. When his gaze reached Loki’s lips and then quickly his eyes, Loki watched Thor’s face go from confusion to pure shock.

“…Loki?” Thor whispered, as if he dare not speak it aloud, in case it proved wrong.

Loki nodded.

Thor suddenly grinned and opened his mouth, and suddenly Loki knew he was going to shout some great cheer and that would give everything away so he lurched forward and covered Thor’s mouth with his hand.

Thor looked confused once more.

~ _Yes, Thor it is I. And I know that you are excited and you also have many questions, as do I, but first there is something we must do. There are jotuns waiting outside, and they will not wait long. I need you to trust me. Can you do that?_

Loki stared at Thor and tried to convey the urgency of the situation to him. He could see Thor concentrating, as he took in Loki’s words, and he hoped Thor was thinking back to the cave and the blizzard, and his promise to trust Loki’s judgement in future.

Presently Thor nodded and Loki breathed a sigh of relief.

~ _Good. Listen very carefully and do exactly as I say…_

~~~~

When the doors were unlocked, Hrod stormed back in, but whatever rant he had been preparing died on his tongue at the sight of Loki, the veil returned to his face, lounging in a chair, stroking Thor’s hair as he knelt beside the chair, head bowed and all restraints gone.

“My Prince! This…You…How?” Hrod spluttered. Behind him, lurking in the doorway, Loki could see the two guards looking in. He hoped they were as surprised and impressed.

Loki made a sound like a chuckle and rose from his seat. Thor stayed kneeling. When Loki flicked his fingers, it took Hrod a few moments before he read aloud what Loki has written.

~ _You doubted me, Hrod?_

“Never, my Prince.”

~ _Good. It wasn’t so hard, in the end. But now I think he needs to be cleaned._

“Shall I summon some servants?”

~ _No, I think not. I will have no one touch him unless absolutely necessary. I shall take him to the nearest baths and do it myself._

“My Prince, that is…”

~ _Do you have a problem with my decision, Hrod?_

“No, my Prince.”

~ _I’m glad to hear it. While we are gone, find me the best tailor in Utgard. If the Aesir is going to compete in my name, he has to look good. Oh and find out what Aesir like to eat and have it brought here. Inform Thrain and Valgard that they can stop lurking. They will escort me to the baths and allow no one to enter while we are inside. Is that clear?_

“Clearer than the purest crystals that hang in the Hall of Kings, my Prince.”

Satisfied Loki nodded, then clicked his fingers. Thor rose from his position and walked over to Loki. Loki reached up and patted Thor’s cheek and then turned to face Hrod and the two guards. He waved his hand in a ‘proceed’ gesture and watched with undisguised amusement as Hrod hurried off down the corridor, while he went the other way with Thor and the guards.

The baths were thankfully empty. Thrain and Valgard stood either side of the door and Loki knew he wouldn’t need to repeat the order; that no one bar Laufey would disturb them inside the baths.

The baths were all naturally formed rock pools, deep and cold, just the way jotuns liked them. The air was cool, and the open roof allowed fresh air and sunlight into the otherwise dark, secluded place. He heard Thor hissed when his bare foot touched the cold water lapping at the edges of the pools. Yes, they might be suitable for jotuns, but not for the warm-blooded Aesir. Instead, Loki led Thor to the very back corner of the room, where there was a pool hidden behind a naturally formed rock wall. The air was different here, warmer and misted with steam.

“Loki?” Thor whispered.

Loki stepped forwards and placed a hand on Thor’s exposed lower arm.

~ _Yes?_

“Why is there a hot pool? I thought jotuns didn’t like heat?”

~ _That is true, but many of the warriors used to use it to prove their strength and endurance by seeing who could sit in the hot water the longest._

“Ah, I…’used to’?”

Loki chuckled.

~ _Yes, they used to but no longer. Not since I arrived. Apparently being beaten by the runt made it less of a worthy test._

Thor nodded slowly and then took a deep breath.

“I am scared to ask this next question, but what are you doing here, Loki? And why does everyone keep calling you Prince?”

Loki sighed. He had been expecting the question, but answering it wasn’t going to be easy.

~ _Undress and get into the water, Thor. I will speak while you bathe._

He turned to give Thor some privacy, because he imagined Thor had not had much of it in a long while. When he heard Thor enter the water, Loki turned back around, taking off his fur shrug and his leather loin-cloth, leaving him in just cotton undergarments. He sat crossed legged at the side of the pool and watched as Thor disappeared under the water for a moment, before rising up, splashing warm water everywhere. He looked pleased and refreshed already, some of the dirt and blood beginning to wash away. Loki waved a hand and a lacquered wooden bowl appeared in his lap, full of bottles of oil and sponges. Thor moved closed and stopped in front of where Loki was sitting. Loki twirled his finger and Thor turned around and leant back against the edge of the pool. Then Loki poured some of the oil into his hands and started to wash Thor’s hair.

It felt nice to do something for Thor and he saw some of the tension leave Thor’s shoulders as Loki massaged his scalp. For a moment the only sounds were the gentle lapping of the water and Thor’s relaxed breathing.

“So,” Thor said, finally breaking the silence. “Why are you in Utgard? Why do I need to pretend to be tamed by you? What is going on?”

~ _To answer your questions I must first tell you a truth about myself, but you must promise not to be angry with me for deceiving you._

When Thor didn’t respond, Loki insisted.

~ _Please, Thor. You must listen to what I say and not shout or yell._

“…I promise.”

~ _I told you that I was born in Utgard, and that Farbauti was my sire, my father…Well, Laufey is my dam, or in your terms, my mother._

Thor spun around sharply, confusion and anger in his eyes. “You are Lafey’s son?”

Loki was grateful when Thor didn’t flinch as he reached out and touched his shoulder.

_~One of them yes._

“So you came back to claim your birthright, after deceiving me? Fooling me into thinking that you were his enemy?”

~ _No, Thor, it wasn’t like that! I came back because I was fed up of being chased by his soldiers and I thought, perhaps having met you, that you and I could bring peace to our peoples. I thought I would see you again…_

He felt tears building up at the memory of what happened next instead.

“Loki?”

Thor allowed Loki to pull him back and continue washing his hair. As he did, Loki told Thor of everything that happened after they parted way, right up until Thor’s death was announced.

“They think I am dead?”

~ _Yes, your Watcher…_

“Heimdall.”

~ _Yes, him. He apparently lost sight of you. What happened Thor? How did they capture you? Where are the Warrior’s Three and Lady Sif? And where is Mjolnir?”_

“I don’t know. I was in the northern mountains as we had received a distress signal from one of our units there. We were attacked but…urgh…my memory is blank. It feels like…” Thor groaned and held his head.

Loki pressed two cool fingers to Thor’s temples and Thor relaxed.

“Thank you. It is strange, whenever I try to remember I get the most painful headaches.”

~ _Someone has cast a memory spell on you._

“Can you remove it?”

~ _Not without knowing how they did it. I am sorry._

“No matter. All I remember is that when I awoke, my men were dead or captured. I was also captured and I have been a prisoner of jotun slavers since.”

~ _What of the Lady Sif? And the Warrior’s Three?_

“I do not know. They were not with me during the mountain mission. I can only hope they have safely returned to Asgard.”

~ _I could try to make discreet enquiries._

“What need is there? Now that you know I am alive, surely I can go home?”

Loki shook his head sadly.

“What? Why not?”

_~Oh Thor, I wish for nothing more than to allow you to return home…_

“Then why can’t I?”

~ _You can, if you win the Tournament._

“What Tournament?”

~ _You have been entered into the Ice King’s Tournament. It’s a lengthy series of fights to the death, with the sole survivor being granted their freedom._

“I don’t understand. Why can’t I just go home? I am the Prince of Asgard, I should be allowed to return home.”

~ _It doesn’t work like that Thor. Once you are entered into the Tournament you either leave by winning or dying. It is a sacred tradition, one that cannot be broken, even by the All-father. And I have sponsored you, which means if you were to flee, my life would be forfeit._

“Then why sponsor me? Why not declare it was I and ask Laufey to release me?”

~ _Did you not listen to what I said? You_ cannot _leave the Tournament. And I sponsored you because it was the only way to keep you safe. You are the only Aesir in the Tournament. They would have targeted you relentlessly, whether you were known to be Thor or not. But if you, win you can return to Asgard…and I would like to go with you._

Thor stared.

_~When I heard you were dead I…I was…very upset. And so I planned to bring down Laufey, in your honour. But then I saw you in the Parade and I knew this was a chance, a chance to save you, save us AND destroy Laufey. But to do that, you will need to fight and win. I believe you can but we will need to work together._

Thor scowled. “I do not like this.”

~ _Nor I, but it is the only option we have._

“You are sure of that?”

Loki nodded.

Sighing, Thor stepped forward and rested his hands on Loki’s legs. His face was inches away from Loki’s. It looked like he was staring through Loki’s eyes, as though he would find the truth behind them.

~ _It will not be easy Thor. They will target you because you are Aesir and because I have sponsored you…_

“And what if I die?”

Loki flinched.

“I am not afraid to die, Loki. For the longest time I prayed for death. But to die here, would be…”

~ _I will do all I can to prevent that. But if somehow you were to be killed I would burn all of Jotunheim to the ground._

They both startled at the admission. It was a very emotional and honest declaration that neither of them had expected. Loki could feel the tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

“Loki…” Thor breathed.

~ _Thor…I…I am sorry it has come to this. I promise to do whatever I can do help you win. I cannot bear to lose you again._

For the longest time, Thor neither spoke nor moved. He just stared at Loki, blinking occasionally, clearly considering all the options. When Loki raised his hands to try and wipe away the tears, Thor grabbed hold of them. Slowly he lifted each hand and placed a gentle kiss to each one.

“We shall do this together then,” Thor said. “And when we win, you will come with me to Asgard. Agreed?”

Loki nodded quickly, relief washing over him.

~ _Agreed. Now, let us return to me chambers. The heat is starting to get to me._

Loki got to his feet and turned to allow Thor to exit from the water. He eyed Thor’s torn and dirty clothes and knew he couldn’t put them back on after the bath, so he summoned one of his big fur cloaks, which he handed to Thor, while averting his gaze.

(He was curious of course, he had seen the crude pictures of Aesir in Angbodr’s books and wanted to know how accurate they were. And there was a strange warmth forming in his stomach at the thought of Thor’s exposed body. But he knew it would be wrong, inappropriate and who knew if Thor was feeling the same…so for now he played at being modest.)

~~~~

They returned to Loki chambers, Loki having dressed and Thor wrapped in the fur coat. Hrod was waiting with another jotun that Loki didn’t recognise. He scowled at the sight of Thor but bowed to Loki.

“Your Highness,” the jotun said.

“This is Byrnjolf, my Prince. He is the considered by many to be the best tailor in all of Utgard.”

“I am, Your Highness, but I…” He glanced at Thor.

Loki had known this would be a problem, that jotuns might not want to work for him or Thor. But he had prepared for such an eventuality. He walked past Hrod and Byrnjolf to a large chest of drawers. He opened the top and pulled out a pouch, which he tossed at the feet of Byrnjolf. The jotun bent to pick it up and he opened it to look inside. Loki saw his eyes go wide and he flicked his hands at Hrod.

Hrod looked at the tablet and then spoke to Byrnjolf. “Prince Loki had said that you should consider this an initial payment for your services. You will receive an equal payment once the goods have been handed over, and you will receive more, if more work is commissioned.”

For a moment it looked like Byrnjolf might refuse. Then he nodded. “As you wish, your Highness.”

Loki flicked his fingers again.

Hrod read aloud. “Take his measurements behind the screen there, but be warned, if you harm him even a little, I will make you cut off your own fingers and eat them. Do we understand each other?”

“Yes, Prince Loki,” Byrnjolf said and he led Thor to a screened-off corner.

As Loki waited in a nearby chair, two servants brought in a platter of food and drink. He had Hrod take them into the sitting room while he wrote a short list of what he wanted for Thor. When Byrnholf came from behind the screen, Loki handed him the list and had the jotun promise to return with the items as quickly as possible.

Loki then went into the sitting room, followed by Thor still wrapped in the fur cloak. Hrod was standing by the table of food. There were various cooked meats and fruits and breads. Loki tore off a piece of meat and held it out to Thor who took it in his mouth from Loki’s hand. Loki patted Thor’s cheek and sat down near the table. He summoned a large cushion beside the chair, which Thor knelt on.

Once more Loki flicked his fingers.

~ _You are dismissed for the remainder of the day Hrod. I would like to get to know my new Aesir pet better. Make sure no one but Laufey-King is allowed to disturb us._

“Forgive me, my Prince, but…”

~ _You are trying my patience today, Hrod. Leave us or I shall have you flogged._

Loki could see the conflict occurring in Hrod’s thoughts. He knew that Laufey demanded Hrod spend every possible moment with Loki (to keep an eye on him) but the prospect of being flogged, and publically most likely, was obviously not appealing. With a short, sharp bow, Hrod left the sitting room, closing the door behind him.

Again Loki locked the doors with his magic. As soon as that was done, he threw himself from the chair, down to Thor’s level and wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck.

“Loki?” Thor sounded surprised.

~ _Forgive me Thor, for how I speak and act towards you around them. I do not enjoy it but the façade must be upheld or they would be suspicious._

“There is nothing to forgive. Come, let us eat. Oh, I mean…”

Loki laughed.

~ _Please, eat till you are full. You must regain your strength._

Neither of them commented on why Thor needed his strength. It was as though they both felt they had spoken enough about the Tournament. Loki sat and watched quietly as Thor ate as much food as he could. He had almost cleared the plates over the afternoon and as the light faded, Loki could see Thor’s eyes beginning to droop.

~ _Come, let us get some rest._

Loki led Thor into his bed chambers and then stopped. He suddenly felt very foolish, as he had failed to organise somewhere for Thor to sleep. He looked at his own bed, built for a frost giant as opposed to a runt. He was always dwarfed by the bed which meant there was plenty of room on it for the two of them, but would Thor mind?

~ _Forgive me Thor, but I don’t have a sleeping space for you…_

“It is no worry, Loki. I have slept on floors for the last few years, one more night will not hurt. Maybe I could sleep on one of the sofas in the next room?”

The idea of Thor being even just a room away made Loki panic. He had only just got Thor back and so without thinking he grabbed hold of Thor’s arm when the Aesir tried to move away.

“Loki? What is wrong?”

~ _It is…nothing. I simply…that is…the bed is so large…you could…_

Loki could feel the heat forming in his cheeks.

“Are you sure?” Thor asked, saving Loki the embarrassment of having to actually ask.

~ _I am, if you are._

Thor smiled. “Come then, let us rest together. It has been a long day, for both of us, and we have much to do starting tomorrow.”

Once more Loki turned, as Thor dropped the fur cloak to the floor and climbed into bed. He tried not to blush too much at the thought of Thor naked and in his bed as he undressed. He left his undergarment on and climbed into the bed, lying on his side facing Thor but with a gap in between them. Thor was already drifting off so Loki reached out and tucked a stray blond hair behind his ear.

~ _Sleep well, Thor._

That night Loki slept well for the first time in over three years, despite the rumbling snores coming from Thor.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ack, it took a long time to do this, and I'm not entirely happy with this but I'm on holiday from now until September so unless things go mental, I should get another chapter out before then!  
> For reference, I'm going with the one-gendered jotun trope but calling them he or she depending on how they personally would identify. If that makes sense...  
> Enjoy!

Loki had woken several times throughout the night, fearing that Thor’s return was nothing more than a cruel dream. Yet every time he opened his eyes, Thor was still there, sleeping deeply.  As the faint light of the day began to creep into the room, Loki woke contentedly. He rolled onto his side to watch Thor as he slept.

The Aesir was sleeping on his back, arms and legs sticking out haphazardly on the bed. His snoring had lessened over the course of the night, though he still gave a little snort or cough, occasionally muttering something and shifting slightly. Loki smiled and reached out to brush a stray lock of blonde hair. His fingertips lightly danced against Thor’s skin, and Thor sighed at the cool touch, and moved towards it but still didn’t wake.

Loki chuckled and decided it was the right time to get up. He left Thor in the bed and, selecting his favourite dark green velvet robe, slipped out of the bedchambers and into the sitting room. He sat in his favourite chair, near to the window, and picked up the book he had been reading before the Tournament had started. It was a book of poetry written by a dark elf that had taken a lot of hunting to obtain. Elven poetry was a little too sickeningly sweet and perfect for Loki’s taste usually, but the dark elves had a penance for the macabre which Loki definitely enjoyed.

His mind was distracted though, and he found he couldn’t concentrate on the fate of a mortal who had drunk from the goblet of a dwarf. He was thinking about Thor and the Tournament, about how to keep Thor safe, about what they should do next.

They were of course limited until new clothes for Thor arrived. That was probably for the best, it wouldn’t be safe for Thor outside of Loki’s wing in the palace. He might belong to a Prince of Jotunheim now, but as an Aesir Thor would never be truly safe in Jotunheim. Only competing and winning would save him.

 _Not true,_ whispered a voice in his head. _You’ve been looking for pathways, you could try it now, you could both flee where no one would find you…_

Loki waved away the voice. It was foolish to try. To attempt it alone was a risk, to go as a pair meant certain death. He put the idea to the back of his mind. He had to focus solely on getting Thor through the Tournament.

As If summoned by the thoughts, Thor staggered into the sitting room, the fur cloak from the day before wrapped around him.

“G’morning,” he said, yawning and scratching at his beard.

Loki gave him a little wave and then frowned. He hadn’t noticed yesterday how shaggy and long Thor’s beard and hair were. This wouldn’t do at all. He summoned a cushion which slid along the floor towards his feet, and gestured that Thor should take a seat. As he did, Loki rose and went to into the bedchambers. He returned with a small wooden box, which he placed on the table beside his chair. When he opened it, Thor peered inside to find brushes and scissors. Thor rubbed his beard with his hand.

“It has overgrown,” he chuckled.

Loki nodded and lifted Thor’s head by placing his fingers under Thor’s chin.

~ _It has. And you represent a Prince of Jotunheim now. We cannot have you looking like a ruffian._

Thor laughed. “No, we cannot indeed.”

Thor turned on the cushion and leaned his back against Loki’s chair as Loki sat down. Noting a slight shiver from Thor, Loki clicked his fingers, causing a small fire to spark in the nearby fireplace. Then he picked up a brush and began to gently work out the tangles that had formed. Once brushed and tangle-free, Thor’s hair was like light-gold silk, with patches of darkness underneath, soft to the touch, falling past his shoulders. It was with great reluctance that Loki put the brush down and picked up the scissors. The first snip had both him and Thor flinching. Loki stared down at the pieces of hair he held between his fingers.

“Loki?” Thor sounded concerned but didn’t move.

Loki let the hair fall though his fingers and touched the back of Thor’s neck.

~ _I’m fine. Shall we continue?_

“Please do. I’d hate to wander around with one section of hair slightly shorter than the rest. What would everyone think?”

~ _What indeed._

The hair cutting continued in silence, until Thor’s hair was just above his shoulders. Loki ran his hands down and through the neatened strands, only to check that everything was perfect, not for any other reason of course…

Thor’s stomach rumbled making Loki chuckle.

~ _I think some food might be in order._

“Please,” Thor said with a meek smile.

Loki clicked his fingers and informed Thor that he had sent orders to Hrod to bring up some food, prompting Thor to change back into his old clothes. Torn as they are he admitted to Loki he felt more comfortable in them than the fur cloak that left him a little exposed. The food arrived very quickly, and while the servants vacated the room as hastily as possible, sparing only the briefest of glances towards Thor, Hrod lingered in the room.

That meant that Loki would have to feed Thor (and perhaps that was what Hrod wanted to see), but to save him the embarrassment Loki piled a plate of food and placed it on the floor beside Thor’s cushion. He patted Thor’s head and left him to eat as he approached Hrod.

“What are your plans for the day, my Prince?” Hrod asked, not so subtly eyeing Thor behind Loki.

Thankfully Loki had already thought this issue through. With no proper clothes to wear, there was no way Thor could venture outside of Loki’s chambers. Thor’s modesty aside, without adequate clothing Thor would certainly freeze, though the time of year was warmer, it was still too cold really for those not born in Jotunheim. The distinguished guests from other realms were wrapped up, even within the palace.

Hrod looked down at his tablet the instant Loki clicked his fingers.

“I intend to spend the day indoors. It would not do well to shame my father, walking the Aesir through the King’s halls looking as he does. We shall remain here until he is clothed appropriately.”

Hrod bowed. “Very good, my Prince.” He began to back away to leave Loki in solitude.

Loki nodded and, just as Loki turned around to go and sit back with Thor, he felt a tingle up his spine as one of his spells was activated at the entrance hall leading to his chambers. It meant only one thing: Laufey was on his way.

There was no time to warn Thor, who was still happily sitting on the cushion eating the food on his plate. Loki moved swiftly but gracefully towards his chair. He settled, crossing one leg over the other and resting a hand on Thor’s head, just as the outer chamber door banged open.

Laufey strode into the room, ducking under the doorframe too high for Loki but slightly too small for a fully grown frost giant.

Rising slowly out of his chair, Loki made sure not to look down at Thor (he saw from the corner of his eye Thor looked up at him) and bowed to his father.

“Loki…”

“Your Most Royal Majesty,” Hrod said, bowing so low his head was in line with Laufey’s knee.

Laufey ignored him completely and took another step towards Loki.

“Loki, I’d come to see if your Aesir pet had killed you in your sleep. I appear to have been unlucky once more. Where is it then?”

Bowing again, Loki stepped aside so his father could get a better look at Thor, though he tried not to move too far, his protective instincts kicking in.

“You’ve cleaned him up at least. He looks less like a beast now,” Laufey observed.

“Prince Loki has also ordered some clothes made for the Aesir, Your Most Royal Majesty,” Hrod said.

“Has he now?” Laufey stared at Loki, who nodded then clicked his fingers.

“Prince Loki says that if the Aesir is to be his fighter, then he must look the part. He cannot go into the fight naked. If he somehow survives the cold…” Hrod coughed and flushed a deeper blue. “There is no telling what trouble a naked Aesir might cause. Perhaps other jotuns might go hunting for Aesir of their very own.”

Laufey stared for a moment and Loki wondered if he had finally crossed the line. Then Laufey laughed, making objects in the room shake from the deep, rumbling sound.

“Even with your lips shut, you still have a wicked tongue.” Laufey stepped even closer and leaned down to face Loki, an aggressive sneer on his face. “Your Aesir is very quiet. Have you scared him into silence with the sight of your lips?”

For a moment Loki didn’t understand, until his hands went up to his chin and he realised he wasn’t wearing a veil. It had become a morning routine, and yet Thor’s presence had thrown him off. He’d completely forgotten about it, and of course Hrod had seen his lips so many times, he hadn’t been shocked by the sight.

“It seems that it not the case. Which means you have done something to him,” Laufey said, standing upright. He pushed Loki aside and leaning down once more, took hold of Thor’s face. As he pulled Thor closer, Thor (who Loki was beginning to think had no sense of self-preservation) growled.

Before Laufey could hurt him for his insolence, Loki tapped him on the forehead with two fingers. Thor’s back went ramrod straight and he let out a low whimper.

Laufey laughed. “So you used your magic to train him up? Of course you did.” He let go of Thor’s face, but Thor remained kneeling back completely straight. “How very like you. You may not disgrace me yet.”

Loki looked up at his father with what he hoped was an expression that suggested Loki was pleased by Laufey’s praise. When Laufey began to stroke the top and side of Loki’s head, he leaned into the touch, even though he felt sick inside.

In the next instance, Laufey’s hand had curled around Loki’s throat and he was slammed against the wall.

His vision swam for a moment and then Laufey’s face, less than an inch from his own came into focus.

“Listen well, _son_ , you can play and train and for all I care rut with this damn creature, pretending it is your precious _Thor,_ but in the end he will fall. I cannot, will not, have an Aesir pig win the Tournament. So enjoy him while you can, because, when he falls, _I_ will enjoy watching you lose him.”

Then Laufey’s mouth was right beside Loki’s ear.

“And then,” he whispered, in a voice quieter than any Loki had heard from a jotun before, “I think we will re-negotiate the terms of our arrangement, don’t you?”

With that, Laufey let go off Loki’s neck. Loki dropped to the ground and clutched at his throat, breathing heavily through his nose.

“I’d tell you not to bother coming to the First Moon feast, but I’m actually looking forward to the Aesir making a fool of himself. It should be quite entertaining.”

Without sparing a second glance, Laufey strode from the room. Hrod stood by the doorway.

“My…My Prince?” he asked, voice trembling.

Loki grabbed the nearest thing, a clay vase, and threw so that is smashed against the wall beside Hrod’s head, who got the message and fled the room.

The moment the door was closed, Loki launched himself onto Thor. He ran a hand down Thor’s back and instantly Thor relaxed. His arms went around Loki, but neither of them spoke, though Loki knew Thor must have felt the tears on his bare shoulder.

When they finally did pull apart, Thor lifted a hand and wiped away the remaining tears.

“Your father is truly the monster Aesir parents tell their children about at night,” Thor said.

Loki sniffed and nodded.

~ _He has no love for me, and he has never pretended otherwise. And I stopped long ago, wishing he would love me like a son. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less when he speaks to me like that._

“Your father has harmed you Loki in ways no King, let alone father, should harm their people. You owe him nothing.”

~ _I know…that is why we have to win._

“And we will. I definitely want to prove him wrong now. We’ll make your father eat his words.”

~ _Thor?_

“Yes?”

~ _He’s not my father._

“What?”

_~I told you before, Laufey is technically my mother._

Thor stared, a grin slowly spreading across his face. He snorted and began laughing, a gorgeous sound that Loki hadn’t heard in so long. It made him feel like he was glowing inside. He didn’t really understand why Thor found the truth so funny, but Loki was glad he did. The road ahead of them was tough, it was important to enjoy the good moments while they still could.

~~~~

It was around mid-afternoon when there was a knock at the door. Loki was curled up in his chair with Thor leaning against it, reading from a book of Aesir tales Loki had acquired from a rare-book-seller. It was very relaxing listening to Thor read. He was a natural story-teller and a few times Loki got the impression he was hearing Thor’s own retelling from memory, rather than the words on the page. Either way, it was a pleasant way to pass the time.

He had dressed since his father had left, putting on a veil and loin-cloth, but leaving off any jewellery if he was just going to be sitting in his rooms.

Following the knock at the door, Hrod entered accompanied by a jotun child a little smaller than Loki, carrying something wrapped in cotton.

“Forgive the intrusion my Prince,” Hrod said, bowing. “This is Dagmar, Brynholf’s child.”

The jotun child bowed, never taking her eyes from Loki’s face.

“Your Highness,” Dagmar said. “My father thought you might wish to have some clothes for…your Aesir.” Dagmar held out the package.

Loki stepped forward, noticing that the child didn’t flinch, though her eyes did widen as Loki’s face came closer. Leaving the package in Dagmar’s arms, Loki peeled open the cotton to reveal two beautiful pieces of clothing. The first was a deep brown hooded leather jacket, lined and edged with grey dire-wolf fur (Loki had to ignore the stomach flip at the sight – it wasn’t Fenrir’s). Loki stroked the fur, then handed the jacket to Hrod and picked up a pair of trouser, made from very similar materials.

Taking the jacket back from Hrod, he tossed the clothes to Thor and pointed towards the screen in the corner of the room. Thor got the hint, disappearing behind the screen as Loki turned back to Dagmar, clicking his fingers.

“Prince Loki says the clothes are exquisite, and praises your father for his excellent and speed in producing them,” Hrod said.

“My thanks, Your Highness. I shall pass on your words to my father,” Dagmar said, bowing.

“Prince Loki also praises the fine needlework, very intricate to be done by the hands of a giant.”

Dagmar smiled at Loki. “I do the small stitches Your Highness.”

“Then Prince Loki praises your skills, little one.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

Though they couldn’t see it, Loki smiled beneath his veil. He held out his hand to reveal a sparkly green rabbit sitting in his palm. Loki saw Dagmar’s eyes go wide. The rabbit hopped to Loki’s other hand and sniffed his fingers, and hopped back to the other hand. It then stopped, sitting up in Loki’s palm looking at Dagmar, until the child held out her hand, at which point the rabbit jumped onto her hand and began running up and down her arms, around her shoulders, sniffing in her ears and under her hair. Dagmar giggled in delight, and Loki marvelled in the sound, ignoring Hrod’s disapproving look (it was no secret Hrod did not like magic).

The rabbit continued to run around Dagmar’s upper body until Thor came out from behind the screen. His clothes were well fitted – not too tight, but enough to keep the fur close and the heat in. Loki clapped his hands a few times to show his pleasure and Thor stood still while Loki circled him, stroking the jacket in places and making approving little nods.

Satisfied, Loki clicked his fingers and listened to Hrod read aloud as he went to a dresser and took out a pouch of coins.

“Tell your father Prince Loki is pleased with these clothes, and looks forward to receiving the rest in due time.”

Dagmar nodded, and accepted the pouch with a bow. “My thanks, Your Highness.”

“And…”Hrod continued as Loki summoned coins to appear between his fingers, which he held out to Dagmar. “…These coins are for your fine work. You will be a great tailor one day.”

The little jotun stared up at Loki in awe, mouth slightly agape, until Hrod coughed.

“Thank you, Prince Loki, thank you,” Dagmar smiled and bowed once more.

Loki waved a hand as though it were nothing, though he was secretly pleased that he had made someone happy. Hrod escorted Dagmar out, though she managed to make one little wave over her shoulder before the door closed.

Once they were alone, Loki reached up and stroked Thor’s fur collar, fingers brushing his neck slightly.

~ _Do you like them?_

“Yes, thank you. They’re very soft and I feel warm already.”

~ _Then how do you feel about a little trip outside? There are two friends I would like you to meet._

~~~~

Loki led Thor down the back steps into the courtyard. There was no one around so he took hold of Thor’s wrist (he’d almost grabbed Thor’s hand but had blushed at the thought).

~ _After I left you, I travelled around Jotunheim like I planned. And for a while it was fine, but I got a little lonely. Fate led me to these two. Please don’t be alarmed, they won’t hurt you._

He had already told Thor previously about Fenrir and Jormungdr, but he knew hearing about it and seeing it would be very different.

The courtyard was quiet. When Loki peered into the large shed in the corner, Fenrir wasn’t there. That wasn’t unusual – he often went out to run in the forests and mountains beyond Utgard. He went to the fountain next and knelt beside it, dipping his fingers in the water and making a slight hissing sound.

“Loki?”

He held up one hand, to make Thor wait, because with Jor Loki knew it was important to be patient. After a couple of silent moments he felt a slight ripple in the water, and the Jormungdr’s head poked above the water. The ice serpents head was now larger than Loki’s hand, his body twice the length is was before. He made a contented hiss when Loki patted his head. His mood then suddenly shifted and he slithered past Loki towards Thor, who took a nervous step back

Luckily, Loki’s reaction was quick, and he wrapped both hands around the middle of Jor, hissing and clicking until the serpent stopped wriggling. Loki then inched his way up the serpent’s body until he was crouched near the head, holding it down. Thor nervously approached and crouched down on the other side.

“He’s not going to attack me, is he?” Thor asked.

Loki shook his head as Thor touched his arm.

~ _He needs to know you’re part of our pack. Tap him on the head, not too hard, and then I will hit you and hopefully he’ll get the message._

“Hopefully?”

Loki raised an eyebrow and nodded for Thor to do something. So Thor reached down and hit the head of the serpent, who hissed angrily and looked ready to strike. Then Loki reached up and smacked Thor on the back of the head. Jor looked up at Loki confused, so Loki hissed while he stroked Jor’s head with one hand and Thor’s with the other. The serpent preened under the affection, then gave Thor a deadly look before nuzzling at the side of Loki’s cheek.

“Does this mean he likes me?”

_~Probably not, but he’s accepted you and that’s the main thing._

“Where’s the other one? The dire wolf?”

~ _He’s…_

Before Loki could complete his answer, Jor’s head pulled away and he looked up. Then Loki felt the rumbling beneath the ground.

~ _Here he comes._

Loki let Jor down and got to his feet quickly, anticipating that he would more than likely need to intervene when Fenrir arrived. The dire wolf did not like strangers in the courtyard, which was why it was left unguarded. Too many accidents.

The giant wooden gates were magicked to open and close when Fenrir came near, and so they swung open now and the wolf came thundering in, panting. He was now taller than Loki, at a height and build which meant Loki and Jor could comfortably ride him when he went on his runs (they had not done this is a long time).His fur now was mostly grey with flecks of white and his eyes a deep scarlet.

The wold yipped like a cub at the sight of Loki and he trotted forwards happily. Then he stopped and bared his teeth, growling at the space behind Loki.

Desperate to put a stop to the trouble before it started, Loki tore off his veil, knowing it often made Fenrir respond slower, he stepped forward, hands outstretched. When his hands connected with Fenrir’s snout he petted the wolf a few time before he ever so gently pulled the wolf towards him, stepping backwards towards Thor.

When he reached Thor he stopped. Fenrir was poised to strike, he could feel the growl brewing in his chest, could see the muscles ready to spring. Moving slowly so as not to trigger a reaction, Loki reached out and took hold of Thor’s hand, ignoring the blush because this was not the time nor the place. Moving equally slowly as before, he pulled Thor’s hand and placed it with his on Fenrir’s snout.

They all tensed. Loki didn’t break eye contact with Fenrir until the wolf finally huffed and pulled away, slinking off to his shed, Jor following close behind.

“That was…is he okay?” Thor breathed.

~ _I think he’s a bit mad at me for bringing someone new in. He felt that was about Jormungdr at first. He’ll get over it._

“And if he doesn’t?”

Loki turned and looked at Thor, feeling sad at the thought of Thor not getting on with his friends. His face must have shown this because Thor reached forward and cupped Loki’s cheeks in his warm hands.

“What’s wrong? Have I offended you?”

_~Thor, my family, my blood family, are either dead or wish me dead. Fenrir are Jor are the family I chose and they love me, and will protect my with their lives. I want them to like you, because I…I want you to be part of this family too._

Loki sniffed and tried to pull away but Thor didn’t let go. Instead, he leant forward and pressed his lips to Loki’s forehead. A burst of warmth filled Loki, leaving him blushing and breathless. It felt like Thor had marked him, that everyone would know and see, and he found that he didn't mind that idea. It left Loki confused and once more he felt this was not the time to be dealing with or thinking about Thor like that.

Thor smiled at him. “Then I shall work hard, with your help, to endear them to me.”

~ _Thank you._

Loki reached up and touched one of Thor’s hands.

“For now though, could we please head inside?”

~ _Of course._

“Good, because I feel we need to start talking about this Tournament.”

~ _We do, especially as the First Moon Feast is only two days away._

“And what is that exactly?”

Sighing, Loki pulled Thor’s hands away from his face.

~ _It’s a party where you are the entertainment._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a tumblr as well! Yay! http://readallthewords.tumblr.com/


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG Has it really been two years since I updated. I'm so so sorry. In those two years I got married, went on honeymoon and quit my job. It's been a mental time but not excuse. Though all the messages and kudos have kept me slowly working on this.  
> I can't promise I'll update regularly as I'm trying to get my own work published and that should take precedent, but I swear I won't wait another two years to update!  
> Anyway, on with the show!!

Thor had demanded answers right away, but Loki had dragged him back inside before he would explain. It was getting late so they went back into the bedchambers. Even though he could tell Thor was anxious Loki first took off his veil and put it away, before sitting down on the bed. He motioned of Thor to sit down beside him, which Thor did, huffing.  
  
“Are you done wasting time? Tell me what you meant by ‘entertainment’.”  
  
~ _I’m sure you could probably work it out Thor…_  
  
“Don’t play games Loki.”  
  
Loki sighed through his nose.  
  
~ _Before the Tournament starts there is a great feast for all the guests and those who sponsor a competitor. It’s a chance to celebrate the Ice King, and many use this as a chance to place bets on who will win._  
  
“What does that have to do with me?”  
  
~ _I’m getting to that. During the feast, each of the competitors are expected to perform…_  
  
“Perform?”  
  
~ _Yes. Usually it is acts of strength, the elves often dance, jotun competitors create fearsome ice sculptures, things like that._  
  
Thor ran his fingers through his newly cut hair and took a deep breath. “Do I have to perform?”  
  
_~No, but if you don’t it is considered a slight by you and your sponsor against the Ice King and the traditions of the Tournament. It’s not a good idea to refuse._  
  
“I thought you might say that.” Thor leant forward, elbows perched on his knees and buried his face in the hands.  
  
_~It won’t be that bad. I think I have an idea of what we could do that would surprise everyone._  
  
“You do?”  
  
Loki nodded.  
  
_~We’ll discuss it in the morning though. Let’s get some rest. We’ve got two days before the feast._  
  
Thor didn’t seem too pleased at first, but Loki stared at him until he finally nodded, though when they did, Thor rolled onto his side and faced away from him. It was hard not to pretend it didn’t upset Loki too much.  
  
~~~~  
  
The next morning, they got up and dressed, and this time Loki did not forget to put a veil on. Food was ordered for them both, an assorted platter of breads and meats for Thor, and a live bird for Loki. They ate in silence, which to an outsider would seem normal given Loki’s sewn mouth, but Thor was the one person since Farbauti’s death that could converse with Loki in his own special way. This morning, out of stubbornness, Thor was refusing to sit close enough to Loki that their skins could touch. It was infuriating and upsetting, but Loki was used to dealing with stubborn fools and so sat calmly and regally, ‘eating’ the bird he had been given, and when he was done, tossing it out the window into the little yard for either Fenrir or Jormungdr to finish off.  
  
He thought about not waiting for Thor to finish eating, rising and walking off, but he knew it was childish and petty. Plus there was no guarantee that Thor would even follow him.  
  
Stubborn idiot.  
  
So he sat patiently and waited until it looked like Thor had eaten his fill. Then he got slowly to his feet and gestured at Thor to follow. He didn’t look back to see if the oaf was following him, he had to keep up the appearance of not being bothered by Thor’s decision to not speak to him, even if it was killing him inside.  
  
Silence and loneliness had never bothered Loki before – they had been always been part of his life and he had managed. Then Thor had stormed into his world and now it was breaking his heart. Thor was clearly punishing him for not revealing his plan straight away. Deep down, Loki knew he should have just told Thor, but he wanted to make it more…exciting; he wanted to show Thor his idea.  
  
They were escorted down a deserted hallway by Hrod and Loki’s two guards. At the end of the corridor was a large wooden door, which Loki stopped in front of. He clicked his fingers without turning.  
  
Hrod read from his tablet. “We are not to be disturbed – by anyone. I shall be locking the door.”  
  
Before Hrod could argue, Loki opened the door and hurried inside, grateful when he heard Thor hurry in behind him. The door slammed shut and there was a loud thunk as the lock magically moved into place. A sheen of green magic covered the door, signifying that the door was very much secure.  
  
The room they were standing in was round and large with a domed ceiling and thick blue ice walls. There wasn’t much in the room but some weapons and a couple of tables at the edges. Loki watched Thor look around the space while he moved into the centre of the room. When Thor turned his curious gaze to Loki, he gestured at the Aesir to join him.  
  
Thor reached out to touch Loki’s arm.  
  
“Stop with the games now, Loki, please. What are we doing?”  
  
_~A good performance at the First Moon Feast is crucial. It’s all about building support. If your performance is liked then you will have a better chance of surviving later on._  
  
“So what are we…I mean, I, going to do?”  
  
_~I’ve watched the performances every year, so I know what to expect and how you can stand out. My eldest brother foolishly favours strength, so his competitor will do some kind of strong act – heavy lifting and the like. Byleistr has picked a jotun, so there’ll be some ice fighting of some kind._  
  
“That still doesn’t tell me what you want me to do.”  
  
_~I’m getting to that. Be patient._  
  
Thor huffed, making Loki roll his eyes.  
  
_~Mjolnir is a mighty weapon, but I assume she is not the only weapon you had trained to fight with?_  
  
“Of course not,” Thor said. “A man could not call himself a true warrior is he became proficient in the use of a single weapon. If he lost it, he would be worse than useless.”  
  
Loki smiled at Thor’s answer. It was just the kind of answer Loki would expect him to give.  
  
_~Good._  
  
Thor beamed at the praise but the look turned to confusion when Loki walked over to a weapons rack. He selected two swords (practice swords for jotun children, though Loki would never tell Thor that, he wasn’t sure that his Asgardian pride would take it). When he returned to face Thor, he held the swords out to him, hilts first. Thor reached out to take them and when their fingers brushed, Loki gave Thor an instruction.  
  
_~Show me how you fight with these._  
  
~~~~  
  
Two days later, Loki was sitting between Byleistr and an Ambassador from Svartfelheim, listening to a boring political discussion on one side and feeling his half-brother shaking with nerves on the other. Loki could appreciate the way his brother felt. He hadn’t seen Thor since their last practice that afternoon, at the end of which Thor has been whisked away to prepare. Loki had touched his arm and thought a last encouragement before Thor was gone and then he himself had left to get ready. He was once more dressed in his finest leathers and furs, wearing a plain black veil with a crescent moon pattern stitched on it.  
  
The wait was killing him. He had barely ‘eaten’ all day, his stomach was doing somersaults and trying to wiggle its way up out of his mouth. He was sure he was going to be sick before the performances started.  
  
Finally Laufey arrived and after some long winded speeches (again) about the importance of the Tournaments, and the relevance of this feast, Laufey declared the First Moon Feast begin. Huge silver platters of food were brought out and laid on the tables. Huge meat platters some raw and some cooked to almost black, imported fruits and vegetables in bright colours not often seen on Jotunheim, and delicious savoury sauces.  
  
Loki couldn’t partake of any of it, not that he particularly minded. As he told Thor, he didn’t really miss food, since he couldn’t remember what it was like to really eat. What really bothered him was seeing Helblindi and his associates stuffing their faces with food, and pointing and laughing in Loki’s direction.  
  
Turning so he didn’t have to look at them, Loki could see that Byleistr hadn’t touched his own plate. Instead, he was chewing on his nails and staring straight ahead. Loki sighed. He wished he could help ease his brother’s nerves, and maybe if things had been different, if Thor wasn’t involved, Loki would have found a way to help Byleistr win. But Loki couldn’t afford to do that. Thor’s life was on the line. He’d ‘died’ once, Loki was damned if he would ever let Thor die again. Not if he could stop it.  
  
The drummers at the far end of the room began a steady beat, which reverberated through the floor. Loki tensed. It was time for the performances which were ordered randomly. The first performer was a dark elf. The pale mask it wore meant that there was no sign about how it was feeling, walking into a crowded room of beings, many who ignored the arrival of the performer. This was standard procedure. Winners had to earn attention.  
  
The dark elf began to leap and spin around the space to a drum beat, showing off how agile it was. Loki watched, dazzled by how well the creature moved. A few heads looked up from meals and conversations but for the most part the performance wasn’t enough. The dark elf stopped and left to a faint smattering of applause.  
  
Next to enter was a jotun, Thrym, and if Byleistr had been tense before he was rigid now. Thrym walked into the centre of the room. The drummers fell silent. Thrym bowed to Laufey and Loki saw Laufey turn his head away from his conversation for a brief moment, before continuing as if his old General wasn't even there. Thyrm took it in his stride. He turned and slammed a foot on the floor. Several tall ice stalagmites grew with large diamond shapes at the point. Then Thrym accepted a bow that was handed to him and formed ice arrows. He fired them off in rapid succession, each one hitting the diamonds perfectly in the centre. Not a single piece of ice broke off. Thrym notched another ice arrow to his bow and stamped his foot even harder. Another stalagmite began to grow, higher than the others until it almost reached the ceiling of the room. Before it grew to full height, Thrym let the arrow go, which hit the centre of the diamond at the top as it formed.  
  
Loki was impressed, and applauded gently. Beside him Byleistr was clapping so hard that Loki thought he might break his wrists. A few other people applauded, more than for the dark elf, though many of the jotuns were reluctant to  be seen clapping for the ‘traitor’.  
  
Laufey simply reached for his wine glass and took a long sip.  
  
Thrym left the room and Byleistr sagged in his seat. Loki was happy for him but nervous for himself. There was no way of knowing when Thor would come out. He could be next, or last. Loki might go mad with worry before Thor even stepped into the room. He barely registered the next few performances, half-heartedly clapping each time.  
  
Then the drum beat got slower. The doors opened and the fire demon strode in, dragging four massive boulders attached to thick black chains behind it. It stopped in the centre of the room, panting heavily. Loki could feel the heat radiating from the beast's dark red skin and he instinctively leaned away from it.  
  
As Loki had expected, the fire demon demonstrated how strong it was by lifting each boulder and crushing it with its bare hands. Then it let out a mighty roar that shook the whole room, and had to be dragged away by several of Helblindi’s soldiers. Laufey applauded, and smiled at his eldest son. Loki ignored the blatant favouritism. If he cared about Laufey's opinion it might have bothered him, but Laufey meant less than nothing to him. All he wanted was to get Thor out of this, alive.  
  
Loki slumped in his seat. He’d lost count of how many performers had come and gone. Not every competitor would perform tonight, but Loki couldn’t believe there would be many left. Thor would have to come out soon.  
  
As if in answer to his prayers, the doors opened and Thor walked into the room. The sight of him made Loki’s heart skip several beats. Thor had tied his hair back, as Loki had advised, and despite the cool of the room, was wearing only his trousers and boots. There were bands on his wrists and a damn collar on his neck, a sign of his position at the moment. Loki could only imagine what the All-Father would say if he could see his son like this. But Loki could only think of the All-Father for so long because, as Thor reached the centre of the room, the candlelight showed that Thor had further followed Loki’s advice and had applied the oil Loki had given him. Thor was glistening. His muscles were…Loki swallowed and forced himself to sit still and look normal. He was once more glad for the veil.  
  
Thor did not bow to Laufey. Loki had not asked, or expected him, to. Instead he accepted the two swords an attendant handed to him. He held them solemnly by his side and waited. The drummers started up a steady rhythmic beat. Thor began to move to the beat, swinging his swords as though he were fighting an unseen foe. He moved with a speed and grace that was probably unexpected for someone of his build.  
  
Still the crowd didn’t seem impressed, and Loki had known from past experience that a simple sword display would never be enough. Which was why he waved his hands and most of the candles in the room went out, save for a few. The sudden darkness made everyone look up and that was when Thor made his move.  
  
CLANG  
  
Thor hit the two swords together above his head. The blades burst into blue flames and Thor continued to fight, now only illuminated by the flaming swords. Shadows danced across the room and Thor’s shining torso. When Thor swung the swords down low, he would disappear into shadow, and then he would be illuminated again as he brought them up to circling around his head, fending off imaginary blows. His skin looked blue when the light caught him, as though in that moment he was not Asgardian, but a jotun like Loki.  
  
Thor dropped one sword onto the ground and moved around it, bringing the remaining fire sword closer to each table. Loki could hear gasps penetrate the darkness. He understood how they people felt. He’d watched Thor train for this moment and yet even he couldn’t take his eyes away,  
  
Thor was magnificent.  
  
On the final beat, Thor dropped onto his knees and drove the point of his sword into the ground, extinguishing the flames. Loki sighed and with a wave of his hand, the candles were re-lit. Attendants came to take the swords off Thor and lead him away. Loki raised his hands to clap as loud as he could, to show Thor how pleased he was, when the clapping started on the other side of the room. It took Loki by surprise. Soon almost the entire room was clapping as Thor disappeared through the door.  
  
Laufey and Helblindi did not clap.  
  
Loki didn’t care.  
  
He sat impatiently through the final acts, brimming with joy. Thor was the first Asgardian, as far as Loki was aware, to be a performer in the First Moon Feast and he’d received applause from almost everyone in the room. It was incredible; far better than he could have ever hoped for.  
  
It would also probably make Thor more of a target, but he was already an outsider. It wouldn’t do to worry about that yet.  
  
When the feast was over and Loki was allowed to leave he had to stop himself from running to his rooms. He knew Thor would have been returned there. Instead, he walked calmly, but with a little speed, through the corridors with Hrod and his guards trailing behind him.  
  
At the door to his chambers he dismissed them, slipping inside and locking the door before there could be any protests.  
  
Thor was crouching beside the fire, now fully dressed. He rose quickly when he saw it was Loki.  
  
“Loki” he said, taking a step forward. He looked tired.  
  
Loki didn’t stop to think. He ran across the room and threw his arms around Thor’s neck.  
  
_~You did it! You did it! Everyone was clapping for you. You impressed them all!_  
  
“Not quite all, I imagine,” Thor chuckled.  
  
Loki pulled back to look at Thor’s face, though he didn’t let go of his neck.  
  
_~Well, obviously Laufey would never clap for an Asgardian, even if it were the All-Father himself. And Helblindi would never clap for someone I chose. But I thought you were…incredible._  
  
“Really?” Thor asked.  
  
Loki nodded.  
  
_~Dare I say, you were even better than in practice? You took my breath away._  
  
Thor smiled. “I’m glad I pleased you.”  
  
_~You did._  
  
Loki smiled beneath his veil, even though he knew Thor couldn’t see it. He hoped it showed in his eyes.  
  
“Loki...” Thor breathed.  
  
_~The first fight won’t be for another week. We need to find out who you will be fighting and come up with a plan._  
  
“Loki,” Thor said again.  
  
_~And we should probably come up with a plan to find Mjolnir. There must be a way to retrace your steps and get back your memories._  
  
“Loki!” Thor repeated more forcefully.  
  
Loki wasn’t listening. He was already thinking of which books he could try to figure out the memory wipe that had been cast on Thor, and planning where to get a map so they could pinpoint where Mjolnir might be.  
  
He was about to share his plan with Thor when he felt his veil fall from his face. He looked up at Thor in shock, just as Thor’s face came closer, eyes closing. Then Thor’s lips pressed against his own.


End file.
